Page 2 | Christmas crap

MyNewGenericUsername · 2023-10-24T12:12:11+00:00

More of a what would you do... Every year in laws (and some of my family too) buy a lot of presents for the kids. Many of the presents are unsuitable due to DCs' severe learning disabilities (loose batteries, choking parts, made of glass!!) anyway so they get whisked to charity shop ASAP. But, family know we struggle for space in our house, everything bursting at the seams, they know DC don't play with toys really, but every year we get loads even though I have said in the past we're struggling with it. I'm always the bad guy if I bring it up and I also gave recently found out they've been sneaking lots of stuff from DH's childhood (with DH helping) into our garage. Obviously he can keep what he wants but it's really hard to get across the sheer amount he's keeping, and it's now starting to creep into the house, making the communal space less functional. What would you do: a) explicitly ask them all to get DC one gift each, preferably from a list (bit joyless, I know, but practical) b) not say anything and just silently take it all to a charity shop in January (honestly DC won't care).

Original poster

MyNewGenericUsername · 23/12/2023 15:43

You know the ultra big shopper bags that are about 3 large bag for life's worth? Yeah we got three of them from one set of inlaws.

I've been decluttering slowly over the last few months and I'm not even half the way through. I'm really upset and demoralised.

OP posts:

elrider · 23/12/2023 16:15

MyNewGenericUsername · 23/12/2023 15:43

You know the ultra big shopper bags that are about 3 large bag for life's worth? Yeah we got three of them from one set of inlaws.

I've been decluttering slowly over the last few months and I'm not even half the way through. I'm really upset and demoralised.

This is just like my in-laws. It's enraging. Unfortunately the whole side of the family is like that, so from MIL we'll have the giant gift bags x 4 (one each), from SIL same again, from MIL parents usually one each for the kids and several things for us, from MIL's siblings (DH aunts and uncles) many more, and even the same from DH's cousins. It probably totals roughly 15 giant Christmas bags (or 15 large bin bags, depending on how you look at it), every year, from just one part of the family, and none of it is things the children (or us) asked for because they just go and buy things without ever asking what we would like or already have. In many cases, it's either something we have already (often from previous Christmases and sometimes from the same person because they buy so much they forget what they bought before), or things we have no interest in, things that don't suit (wrong size or age group), and things that we have no space for.

I've begged every year for them to cut down and they never do. For the past few years MIL claims to have reined it in but I see no difference at all. I'm dreading it even more this year as I've not had time to do a pre-Christmas clear out so it'll be mayhem when it all gets here.

Also some years I can vet some gifts in advance if they give them early (my own pretty much 100% go to the charity shop the week before Christmas when that happens, plus most of DH's, most of the youngest's and about half of the eldest's but I have to keep most things from MIL and SIL since they'll ask her about them). This year we're only exchanging gifts on Christmas Day and I know they'll take everything out of the packaging immediately. No hope of passing on any of the eldest's since she'll have seen it all (even though she won't play with most of it, she'll still want to keep it), the rest could be donated later but will be worth less to the charity since it'll all be without packaging. I hate waste, I hate excess and I hate plastic tat and don't want or need it, but if we really have to receive it, I'd at least like to give it in tact so someone else can get a bargain gift for their child and the charity gets a decent amount of money from it!

In comparison, my side of the family is strictly list only for adults, and sticking mostly to lists for the kids but they still get a couple of extras. However, from all of my side combined, I think we'd barely fill one giant Christmas bag between the 4 of us!

Original poster

MyNewGenericUsername · 23/12/2023 17:16

elrider · 23/12/2023 16:15

This is just like my in-laws. It's enraging. Unfortunately the whole side of the family is like that, so from MIL we'll have the giant gift bags x 4 (one each), from SIL same again, from MIL parents usually one each for the kids and several things for us, from MIL's siblings (DH aunts and uncles) many more, and even the same from DH's cousins. It probably totals roughly 15 giant Christmas bags (or 15 large bin bags, depending on how you look at it), every year, from just one part of the family, and none of it is things the children (or us) asked for because they just go and buy things without ever asking what we would like or already have. In many cases, it's either something we have already (often from previous Christmases and sometimes from the same person because they buy so much they forget what they bought before), or things we have no interest in, things that don't suit (wrong size or age group), and things that we have no space for.

I've begged every year for them to cut down and they never do. For the past few years MIL claims to have reined it in but I see no difference at all. I'm dreading it even more this year as I've not had time to do a pre-Christmas clear out so it'll be mayhem when it all gets here.

Also some years I can vet some gifts in advance if they give them early (my own pretty much 100% go to the charity shop the week before Christmas when that happens, plus most of DH's, most of the youngest's and about half of the eldest's but I have to keep most things from MIL and SIL since they'll ask her about them). This year we're only exchanging gifts on Christmas Day and I know they'll take everything out of the packaging immediately. No hope of passing on any of the eldest's since she'll have seen it all (even though she won't play with most of it, she'll still want to keep it), the rest could be donated later but will be worth less to the charity since it'll all be without packaging. I hate waste, I hate excess and I hate plastic tat and don't want or need it, but if we really have to receive it, I'd at least like to give it in tact so someone else can get a bargain gift for their child and the charity gets a decent amount of money from it!

In comparison, my side of the family is strictly list only for adults, and sticking mostly to lists for the kids but they still get a couple of extras. However, from all of my side combined, I think we'd barely fill one giant Christmas bag between the 4 of us!

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They sound even more extreme than my inlaws! I actually find it all a bit obscene.

I've done some clearing out and my DH has hoarding tendencies. I'm no minimalist but our cupboards, attic, garage, wardrobes are completely stuffed. Under every bed is full, boxes under tables. So we have an 'in' problem and an 'out' problem.

I feel cruel (big, bad mummy / wife / DIL) if I take to the charity shop straight away, luckily my kids really don't give a shit. Their disabilities mean they're not materialistic in the slightest.

Once inlaws came to the house and as they came in made a joke, they literally said "we come bringing loads of crap!" I don't know what possesses them. That time they brought a 4ft stuffed toy for DCs' shared bedroom.

OP posts:

elrider · 23/12/2023 18:14

Yes some of them seem to delight in it and say things like "you probably won't like/use that, but I didn't know what to get you so just got you random stuff". They could ask! Or even ask me about DH and vice versa, or ask anyone what the kids would like. We've also had our fair share of giant stuffed animals and still have some of them, which sit gathering dust because they're too big to cuddle! I can't wait to get rid but need DC to give the go ahead!