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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My family appear to want me to choose between them and my DH

2 replies

madgearmy · 24/10/2023 11:26

I'm at my wits end. My DH has a history of drink problems and there have been times where I needed to lean on my family, my DM and DS. I am For emotional rather than practical support as as we didn't need the practical stuff. We have 2 DC, 14 and 10. DH and I have been through marriage counselling recently.
But now a family rows has blown up mainly between DH and my family because DH asked DM to help run one of our businesses while we were on holiday. But my niece got involved and claims were underpaying DM even though agreed rate confirmed before we went away. Everything appears to have got very messy. A lot of old anger is coming out and been going around but the upshot of it is that today I discovered that my family still hold a lot of stuff against my DH. They won't let the past be in the past. DH however, is saying he's dealt with his addictions and gone through them and doesn't want to keep apologising for them. But he will if he has to! But I don't think this will be enough. How do I reconcile all my family. DH said he is prepared to get my mum and my sister in front of him and apologise again for some of the things he's done which is going back about five years ago. But I'm really concerned that my family seem to see no way out of everything, but then to me to actually split up with my DH. DH and I have had some problems but they are certainly not ones that require a divorce. My DM and DS are not in relationships and my parent's own divorce I have dealt with by going through therapy to come to terms with how sad it made me.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 24/10/2023 11:35

Well this can happen when you bring your own family into your marriage difficulties. They are obviously heavily biased.

I think it is potentially very harmful and dangerous for your dh if he has indeed recovered from his addictions, then apologised (which is what is recommended) for them to then not be happy about this.

I mean it does depend on what it was but still.

Maybd you should just let him go and talk it out with them?

Octavia64 · 24/10/2023 18:48

Were you underpaying your DM? You say the rate was agreed before you went away but that's not quite the same thing.

If your DH has had serious addiction issues in the past, and your family have done a lot of supporting (financial? Emotional? Looking after your kids? What sort of support?) then they are understandably going to be worried about him relapsing and that they might need to support you again.

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