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AIBU?

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Original poster

This would be creepy yes?

101 replies

swallowme · 24/10/2023 07:35

Was at a family wedding Saturday. I was driving so sober. Seen a guy I thought was really handsome, thought I seen him look at me a few times (I was sober but could still be completely delusional/it be nothing). He didn't have a date.

He was speaking to my brother a lot but other than that he didn't seem to speak to many people. As I was leaving I gave my brother a lift for cigarettes and he said, 'oh that's so and so, he's a lovely guy' blah blah. So I got his name.

Looked him up on Facebook. Would it be weird/creepy to add him? It would be wouldn't it? Especially cause we didn't speak to one another?

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 24/10/2023 10:42

the evidence suggests that when a man is interested in someone he'll ask around. "Who's that, is she single? Can you introduce us?"

What evidence?

OP, I don't think it's creepy to send him a friend request. It's not like he's obliged to accept it. I've had friend requests from people I'm only very vaguely connected to (eg friend of a friend I've never met before) and I've never thought 'Christ, that's weird, they're obviously stalking me'. I've also had someone follow me on Twitter and say 'OK, I know this seems insane, but were you at the [band name here] gig in Manchester last night?! I think you were standing next to us when that girl spilled that drink everywhere' and that wasn't creepy either.

Its5656 · 24/10/2023 11:01

Did you get the vibe he was into you, did he ask your brother if you were single?
If not then I wouldn't add him but if yes then go for it.. or just go for it anyway, what's the worst that can happen?

Electro79 · 24/10/2023 11:29

Jewelspun · 24/10/2023 07:50

He's not interested.

He looked over at you but didn't follow it up.

He spoke to your brother so could have asked him who you were and ascertained if you single and then make a move. He didn't.

Nonsense, bloke here, we are not all "get your coat love, you've pulled" confident (and thats a good thing)

I met my wife several times at various do's, we just smiled, said nothing, we both wanted to make a move, both too shy - took 2 years of slow build up before we went on a date, have been in-separable ever since.

lookingforMolly · 24/10/2023 12:03

I added the best man at a friends wedding to my Facebook! He was gorgeous & I was too shy to speak to him.
Sadly it turns out he lives over 200 miles away no direct bus or train.

yellowsmileyface · 24/10/2023 12:25

LylaLee · 24/10/2023 08:12

I know everyone is all for being modern, but the evidence suggests that when a man is interested in someone he'll ask around. "Who's that, is she single? Can you introduce us?"

If he's meh about you, and you fling yourself at him, he'll happily keep you as a placeholder until someone he really fancies comes along.

This is a very cynical perspective. Believe it or not some men are just shy, and not all men are looking to use women for sex until someone better comes along.

I say go for it OP! If he's not interested he'll just reject the request, and you'll never have to see him again.

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/10/2023 12:27

No it wouldn’t be creepy. Add him and say hi.

It would be creepy if you didn’t respond to his feedback (if it was stand offish).

Go for it.

dcsp · 24/10/2023 13:06

Jewelspun · 24/10/2023 07:50

He's not interested.

He looked over at you but didn't follow it up.

He spoke to your brother so could have asked him who you were and ascertained if you single and then make a move. He didn't.

Alternatively, he said to the brother "who's that over there" and he said it was his sister - so for fear of awkwardness/etc, he decided not to pursue it further because the brother was there.

Message him, or ask your brother about him, or "accidentally" bump into him somewhere that your FB stalking has let you know he'll be.

Tdcp · 24/10/2023 13:29

I'd add him, you have nothing to lose. He could have been too shy to say anything at the wedding especially as he was talking to your brother at the time. If he's not interested he won't reply.

Deathbyfluffy · 24/10/2023 13:32

Jewelspun · 24/10/2023 07:50

He's not interested.

He looked over at you but didn't follow it up.

He spoke to your brother so could have asked him who you were and ascertained if you single and then make a move. He didn't.

I'm a man, and sometimes we just don't have the courage / aren't the kind of person that'd have the 'balls' to do this.

OP, I'd say it's worth a message if he's single.

All2Well · 24/10/2023 13:43

I sort of did something similar but basically got a mutual contact to put us in touch. We knew LOADS of the same people who all said we'd be a great match but that he was quite shy around women so would never make the first move.

Turns out he was actually gay but not very open about it so even his family didn't know!

How the whole situation played out was truly mortifying. Safe to say, I'll never make the first move again.

There was nothing to stop him approaching you. The general "if he likes you, he'll let you know" advice is good in my opinion.

RubyRubyRubyRubay · 24/10/2023 13:50

If it was a family wedding then surely you might bump into him again sometime?

I'd leave it - you have no idea if he's single or not and you're going purely on looks as you've never even spoken to him.

Sounds like you're clutching at straws

All2Well · 24/10/2023 13:58

Oh no...just remembered another one...thankfully I didn't make any attempts. REALLY liked a guy at a wedding, we were sat at the "singles" table with people who didn't have plus ones.

At the evening reception, someone turns to him and says "so how do you feel about becoming a Dad? Are you ready?"
His partner was at home 5 minutes away, resting, due to give birth any day! She'd wanted him to still go to the wedding but knew she wouldn't make it through the day.

I've also been invited without a plus one when numbers are tight and the bride or groom hasn't met the person I'm seeing, even if it's a long term relationship. Attending alone doesn't always equal single...they could have a breastfeeding wife at home at a totally child free wedding or have only had the budget for one lot of travel or annual leave etc

Thisbig · 24/10/2023 14:20

Could your DB add him on FB (might seem less weird as he did at least talk to him) and then you'd have the excuse that he popped up on 'people you may know' and can message/add him without it seeming quite as creepy?

Original poster
swallowme · 24/10/2023 14:20

All2Well · 24/10/2023 13:58

Oh no...just remembered another one...thankfully I didn't make any attempts. REALLY liked a guy at a wedding, we were sat at the "singles" table with people who didn't have plus ones.

At the evening reception, someone turns to him and says "so how do you feel about becoming a Dad? Are you ready?"
His partner was at home 5 minutes away, resting, due to give birth any day! She'd wanted him to still go to the wedding but knew she wouldn't make it through the day.

I've also been invited without a plus one when numbers are tight and the bride or groom hasn't met the person I'm seeing, even if it's a long term relationship. Attending alone doesn't always equal single...they could have a breastfeeding wife at home at a totally child free wedding or have only had the budget for one lot of travel or annual leave etc

He was definitely single, brother confirmed.

OP posts:
Original poster
swallowme · 24/10/2023 14:21

Thisbig · 24/10/2023 14:20

Could your DB add him on FB (might seem less weird as he did at least talk to him) and then you'd have the excuse that he popped up on 'people you may know' and can message/add him without it seeming quite as creepy?

Brothers not got Facebook. Found him through my cousins Facebook whose wedding it was.

OP posts:
Thisbig · 24/10/2023 14:24

swallowme · 24/10/2023 14:21

Brothers not got Facebook. Found him through my cousins Facebook whose wedding it was.

Show quote history

I would just add him then and send a 'saw you at the wedding, hi!' message, he could easily have popped up on 'people you may know' if you're both FB friends with your cousin so that removes the 'creepy' element imo.

RedHelenB · 24/10/2023 14:27

swallowme · 24/10/2023 08:17

Yeah you're right. I'm just going to leave it.

Show quote history

I wouldn't. Ask him out via your db, the worse he can say is no thank you. My ex fancied me for quite a long time before he plucked up courage to speak to me, I was oblivious.

Lalalirct · 24/10/2023 14:28

Better to "accidentally" find him on Instagram and like a pic or two... or leave a comment on some funny post to start a conversation. But don't add him out of the blue, that's creepy!

JustHavinABreak · 24/10/2023 14:31

Go for it!! What's the worst that could happen? And if it really did happen, would it be so bad??

If nothing comes of it, you'll probably never run into him again anyway. But if something does come from, you'll be the legend that made it happen 💪 And then you can invite me to your wedding 😘

recyclemeagain · 24/10/2023 14:38

I did that when I met my husband. Saw him at a social event and fancied the hell out of him but he didn't come onto me so I wasn't sure if he was into me. Added him on social media the next day under the guise of "making sure you got home ok" and he accepted the request. Ended up on a date with him 2 weeks later and we've basically lived in each other's pockets ever since. That was 16 years ago. Oh and he didn't come onto me at the party cos he was just a bit clueless and awkward!
So go for it, add him. If he likes you he'll find it sweet. If he finds it creepy he's not the guy for you anyway.

Banned4life · 24/10/2023 14:52

Go for it! Life is too short! Maybe he’ll never reply or maybe he’ll tell you he’s got a lover in Bolivia, what have you got to lose?

Also, the fact he didn’t come over at the wedding isn’t a deal breaker. Men get shy too.

slothfeatures · 24/10/2023 15:14

This reminds me of that question that apparently psychologists ask to work out if someone is a psychopath or not:

A women is at a close family members funeral and meets a man and gets talking to him, they click and she can’t get him out of her head afterwards.

After spending a few days thinking about him she kills her sister. Why do you think she killed her?

If you give a certain answer it’s supposed to mean that you think like a psychopath.

I’ve asked several people and the only person who gave me the “correct” answer is someone I worked with who I always felt had some sort of personality disorder.
Having said that I also gave the “correct” answer! But I thought it was just a logical conclusion and I’m definitely not a psychopath (as far as I know!)

I’d be interested how many people gave the required answer on this thread to make them fit the profile. However the context of the post might lead people to it regardless.

I met a man at a friend’s birthday party and we talked briefly but didn’t get a chance to exchange names. We had a good laugh so I asked my friend for his name and sent him a message on Facebook saying that I enjoyed talking to him and asked if he’d like to go for a drink sometime?
I didn’t allude to the fact he didn’t tell me his name or how I found him on Facebook but he said yes and we dated for a few months.

I think you’ve nothing to lose if you send a message, if he says no you don’t have to see him regularly as a reminder afterwards, if he says yes then you might get on really well!

EmmaDilemma5 · 24/10/2023 15:22

You only live once.

Message him! If he's not interested, so what. But he may be?! Either way, you're interested and that's the main thing.

Good luck! Sometimes you have to put yourself out there OP.

AnnieKayTee · 24/10/2023 16:04

@slothfeatures to see the man again at her sisters funeral?
I'm intrigued to see what answer means you are a psychopath 🤣

And OP add him on Facebook. Honestly nothing ventured nothing gained. People have allsorts of friends on Facebook I don't think it'd be weird at all

DressingRoom · 24/10/2023 16:07

slothfeatures · 24/10/2023 15:14

This reminds me of that question that apparently psychologists ask to work out if someone is a psychopath or not:

A women is at a close family members funeral and meets a man and gets talking to him, they click and she can’t get him out of her head afterwards.

After spending a few days thinking about him she kills her sister. Why do you think she killed her?

If you give a certain answer it’s supposed to mean that you think like a psychopath.

I’ve asked several people and the only person who gave me the “correct” answer is someone I worked with who I always felt had some sort of personality disorder.
Having said that I also gave the “correct” answer! But I thought it was just a logical conclusion and I’m definitely not a psychopath (as far as I know!)

I’d be interested how many people gave the required answer on this thread to make them fit the profile. However the context of the post might lead people to it regardless.

I met a man at a friend’s birthday party and we talked briefly but didn’t get a chance to exchange names. We had a good laugh so I asked my friend for his name and sent him a message on Facebook saying that I enjoyed talking to him and asked if he’d like to go for a drink sometime?
I didn’t allude to the fact he didn’t tell me his name or how I found him on Facebook but he said yes and we dated for a few months.

I think you’ve nothing to lose if you send a message, if he says no you don’t have to see him regularly as a reminder afterwards, if he says yes then you might get on really well!

It's a remarkably silly question as a psychopathy-determining test if the correct answer is that the woman kills her sister in order to see the man again at her sister's funeral -- it's both logical, and the kind of plotline that a team of 'dark' sitcom writers would come up with if put in a room with a deadline.

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