AIBU to move our family for a secondary school?

[Pancakecr]

We have two kids, one who is approaching secondary school age and a baby. We live in a sink school area for secondary. And so I would like to move to an area with an excellent secondary school. It’s also a cheaper are than where we are now so we could afford a bigger home which we need now we have the baby.

My parents who are in their eighties live nearby though and I can’t drive so it would mean a half hour drive from each other with no easy bus or train route.

Realistically it would probably mean ubers to see each other independently of my husband. At the moment we usually see each other once a week, my husband can drive and he drives us to theirs which is a five minute drive away.

I truly hate driving and have a fear of it. I’ve tried many times to learn over several years and just havent managed it. I have some terrible childhood memories of my parents driving which have influenced my thoughts too. I know learning to drive is the best option but I’ve lost hope of this happening. I know this is pathetic but it’s the way it is.

Im really confused what to do. I want my son to have the best chance at a great school but it would mean leaving my parents behind at a time when they need me most. My son loves them so much. In fact my Mum is his favourite person in the world. What would you do?

You haven't given any indication of what DH thinks, which is pretty relevant for a family move anyway and especially so since he will be the only driver. If he thinks it's a good idea and doesn't see giving lifts as a big deal, just do it. Any weekends where he's away/busy/doesn't fancy driving you can just get an Uber. Are the public transport links non existent or just inconvenient?

Do either of your parents drive?

Are you parents in the family home still or have they downscaled to a more suitable for older age property? If their current house lacks features such as wheelchair accessibility, wet room, downstairs bathroom etc and isn't on a warden assisted estate then perhaps it might be timely for you both to move? Worth a discussion I think.

I'm surprised at the good school area being so much cheaper than the 'sink' school one.

I would and we did move for exactly this reason. We’ve never regretted it, our kids did great at the school we moved for

If you see them once a week and it's half an hour in an Uber, but you can afford a better house and it's a better school then I would move.

Budget in the money for the weekly Uber. Or pre-book a private minicab, probably cheaper.

I wouldn't move for a school.

me too this would have to be very unusual
also it won't be anywhere as straightforward as the only school option where OP is now is terrible and if she moves the dc can go to a great school.
there will be other options in both areas

I would move. Living five minutes away from your parents is a luxury but a good school for your child should be your priority over easy access to your parents.

Thank you.

To answer some questions. We live in a London borough so although the school is a sink school it’s more expensive to live here than half an hour further out. The school actually has an outstanding ofsted but I’ve seen the behaviour of the kids around town and one child was actually in the local news for carrying a knife into KFC. Ofcourse there are some good kids that go there too but managing the bad kids behaviour is a full time job for the teachers.

We could stay here and go private. But the local private secondary school is very mediocre.

My parents are very scared, nervous and easily stressed types of people. I worry a move will be too much for them.

My heart wants to go. I feel tied down here. One poster said I’m held back by guilt which is true. My Dad is not a good partner, he doesn’t help my mum if she is sick or struggling. I love my mum dearly. And I feel very nervous about leaving her with him, a person who will never provide any comfort or care.

A good option would be to live somewhere accessible both to them and the school. I will consider these options. Thank you. Any more ideas welcome.

And my husband is keen to leave, he is not from round here and has no ties. He wants more space and better schools. He can move anywhere where he can access London a few days a week as he works from home the rest.

Im an only child and my parents have no friends or family so I do feel very guilty for leaving them but also resent the fact that we are staying for them. Still my son loves my Mum dearly as do I. I know she’d be lost without us.