To think that 2 babies under 1 is going to be hard

[Isthisreallydoable]

Hi all,

I found out that I am pregnant, exactly one year on from when I conceived my first baby. My due date is literally his birthday! Whilst I am very happy to be expanding my family, I am quite nervous at what's to come! I also feel this immense guilt that my DS isn't having enough time with us before a new baby comes, I love him so so much and I really don't want this pregnancy to have any negative impact on him. My husband thinks it's fantastic and that he will have a little playmate to grow up with. Husband is actually buzzing. He's a very hands on father and will be a stay at home dad when I go back to work so I'm very lucky in that sense, but am I being unreasonable to think that this is harder with such a small age gap between my babies? Also if you have any first hand experience of this PLEASE give me some insight from your own experiences!

Thank you so much in advance!!

If people with twins manage, then you can too. It will be harder than your fellow parent friends for a short time and get better in time (depending on the temperament of your kids!).

I had two born a year apart almost exactly and tbh it wasn’t hard I was even a single parent. Didn’t find it particularly hard personally

When they are very tiny it is hard, but by the time they are 2 and 3 you will have the best time ever. They are hilarious at that point and thought exhausting, also endlessly entertaining. Good luck! I wouldn't choose to do it again, but am now glad it happened.

as an aside I knew a mum through playgroup who had 4, with one year between each. She was one of the happiest and most chilled people I have ever met. And her children were beautiful and funny too.

Yes it is hard...but if dad is helpful that is great and makes all the difference.
I wouldn't worry about your first child missing out - they will benefit from having a playmate close in age.
The practical issues (sleep, the amount of washing and work) are the main problems I would say, it will be hard going for 2 -3 years. I have a slightly bigger gap and younger one is 2.5 now, things are getting to the point where life is really enjoyable now, the first year was hell though! Accept any help offered is my advice!

Congratulations!!
My aunt had my cousins 13 months apart, they are so close, did everything together as kids, now as adults mid 30s are best friends! Definitely more tough on my aunt, but my uncle wasn’t around to help much, you sound like you have a very supportive husband! It’s not unreasonable to be worried, but they say first child under 3 or over 6 is best to have a sibling! Your son wouldn’t know any different, also he will hopefully be fantastic at sharing! Most kids don’t, including my two DD!

Thank you for your posts ladies! They are very reassuring! My little boy is very chilled so far, hopefully he continues to be! If I'm really lucky maybe the next LO will be too! (Wishful thinking!)

Congratulations, wonderful news for you all!

There will be times when it is hard but you won't be the first or you won't be the last to have been in this situation. You'll adjust and you will manage. Totally normal to feel apprehensive, at least you're not looking at it through rose tinted glasses and you're being realistic.

Best of luck 💛

Congratulations!
I had my second baby the day before my eldest first birthday. It was a bit hectic at times but nowhere near as bad as to what I was led to believe . Fortunately my eldest was a great sleeper so that was a massive help in the very early days. Lots of people used to comment at how hard it must have been for me blah blah but honestly it was OK and I never once regretted it.

Twin mum here . You’ll be fine. If the older one isn’t sleep trained yet i’d do that.

I know a few families where this has worked really well. I'm amazed that they have been so chilled as I'm not sure I would have been! One, though, explained it as being the best of both worlds as you've never got out of the baby phase, they both have similar needs but, unlike twins, don't have identical needs. This friend had a third 16 months after her second (so 28 months after her third) and did say when the third turned about 1 that it was so nice to be out of maternity clothes & breastfeeding bras and get her body back.

Congrats OP. I’ve a slightly bigger age gap (15 months), and was very lucky as #1 was walking (unsteadily). Truth is it’s chaos but we love it. Due #3 in 2024 so will have 3 under 4!

For me, I was back at work between baby’s so got mat leave…so while I felt guilt that #1 had split attention, they also had me at home an extra two days a week. So I got to spend more time with them. Mine are 3&2 now and play together. They say they are best friends!

In many ways I’m scared of what my soon to be bigger age gap will feel like, as my first two are so close I haven’t had to navigate kids being at different ages or stages really!
As someone said above, you find our survival mode! Eg I never did cot naps for my second because they were easier to parent out of the house and needed to be physical! The sling was brilliant in the early days (as it kept baby close and protected).

My eldest is NOT chilled and was a dire sleeper (NICU baby, silent reflux, cried a lot). My second was settled, wanted to be in arms but was easily comforted and slept. And honestly having two so close with very different temperaments kind of forced me to relax a lot about parenthood! Some things I blamed myself for not being “able to do” (ie getting a child to nap)…just worked for my second, other things I thought I had aAll worked out failed miserably 😂. But it meant I stopped second guessing myself and started to enjoy it a bit more (if that makes sense)?

For me the hardest bit was pregnancy/post section with an older baby! But still it wasn’t impossible. The house standards slipped (if we are clean and the kids are fed, that’s a win!)…but I’m not sure that’s a feature of two close together or just baby’s in general!

Idk a newly one year old isn't likely to be that mobile yet. Might be easier if than running after an older toddler with a new baby and a newly one year old.

Possibly easier than twins, and certainly no worse.

First couple years will be exhausting yes, but after that they will be very much at the same stage, which makes life easier in lots of ways

Hey,

Firstly, congratulations OP.

For me, I have a 16 month age gap between our girls. Planned. And I absolutely love it. Although it's absolutely exhausting, time consuming and has its hard moments, I just know in a year from now they're going to be so close.

I also found the transition from going to having 0-1 child much harder than 1-2. By the time you have your second you're more confident in your abilities as a parent. I find with our second I don't sweat the small stuff. Days fly in. Our daughter just dotes on her sister.

Don't get me wrong, not every day is easy, but worth it.

I have just under a year between 2 of mine and I think it was my easiest gap. Older ds still napped so I had a few hours in the day with just the youngest. Then when the youngest was a little older they napped together.

Another twin mom, and I think your situation is easier in some respects (no tandem feeding) but more difficult in others (toddler + infant combo looks hard to me from the outside!) but as others have posted, the really hard bit is for a relatively short period (by 3 years for me) and then it is much much easier.

my main advice would be to focus on fostering a healthy sibling relationship from day 1. The close age gap will mean they spend a lot more time together than other siblings might, and identities might be much more entwined. Help them learn how to play well together and resolve differences without your input, emphasise collaboration over competition (which will be a natural dynamic), and find opportunities to be with them 1:1 (me and dp alternate children on Saturdays for example).i if you can help them have a positive relationship with each other it will override any downsides in terms of parental bandwidth.

I did this with babies 4 and 5! Only DD4 turned up early so there were just over 11 months between them.
It was hard in some ways but in others it was easier. They came as a pair and always amused each other. Their next sibling up was 6 years older so they were very much like twins and still have an insane closeness as teenagers.
I went through a phase where I never sat down because they’d fight over my knee and when DD4 was a tiny baby DD3 would try to pick her up like a doll - but she’s grown up tough and I have so so many hundreds of videos of them giggling and playing. Nobody had more fun than they did together.
Crux is it’s totally worth it!

Another twin mum here, I also had 3 under 2.5 so understand there are challenges of having 2 little ones with different ages/ needs. Honestly, it might be tough but in a year it will be so much easier and they will hopefully love playing together. Get a sling for baby so you can still play/ go out with your older one while baby sleeps.

I've got twins and I actually think twins are easier as they have the same age appropriate needs. Sure the first year is bloody horrendous but they eat the same food / same sleep schedule / want to do the same things...

It’s surprisingly common to have a small age gap between siblings. Think about how many schoolmates you knew with a brother or sister in the adjacent year.

My brothers are a case in point.

I agree! My friend had twins and I had a crawling 11 month old and a newborn. She said the same.
After the first year or so it’s pretty similar.

My friend had twins in October….then DD in the following august….all 3 started reception this year………you’ll be fine OP

My two eldest are 10 months apart, I found it easy tbf. Much better thank than the 9 year gap I left between 3 and 4

I have twins too. I did not have the same experience unfortunately!

Congratulations!!! 🥰 I have 2 born 10 months apart and it’s harder now that they’re nearly adults than it was when they were younger (they’re not difficult to look after or ever naughty, they just think they’re both hilarious-it’s a nightmare 😂) They’re so close though, you would think they are twins. As for resenting you, your eldest won’t remember any different once the baby comes along. I know quite a few people in the same situation and they’ve said the same about their children!