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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that this steps on privacy and personal boundaries

18 replies

kokomilan · 23/10/2023 22:11

Hello Mumsnet

My friend, let's call her Claire, and I went to school together. We wee very close as teenagers and in our early twenties. But she moved to a different city, we both got married and had kids and we kind of drifted apart quite a bit. There was a tie where we em were very close and stayed for extended time with each other, even though we had our own places. But that's a very long time ago. We now barely see each other. Anyway, she came to visit me last week and since we haven't seen or spoken to each other in ages ( about a six to eight months ) before that, I suggested she stays overnight so we could properly catch up. It's was like someone you know well but don't have much knowledge about their life. Anyway the catch up was good but it was no where like before and we are just very different people now.

Anyway, in the morning, we were having breakfast and she went upstairs to use the bathroom. She took quite a bit of time so I went up to check on her. And to my surprise found her in my walk in, trying my clothes! I didn't really know what to say. I was just so taken aback. She was laughing and saying how my style had changed and etc... and as I stood there, continued to pull clothes and shoes out and start them. I kind of said how I don't like people in my room and if we could just leave please and don't worry about putting things back.

She seemed insulted and left in abit of a huff. The atmosphere was terrible after that as she got ready to leave and said that I made her feel like she was stealing from me she was just doing what we used to do when we were younger. I was too amazed to say anything clever but did put my foot down in that I told her that o felt it was a breach of my privacy and personal space.

It's been bothering me ever since. I spoke to a commencing friend who said I was been a hit over the top as she probably didn't mean anything by it.

AIBU??? Is this normal?? Am I being over the top really??

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 23/10/2023 22:12

Yeah that’s weird. Nosey Parker.

Purplecatshopaholic · 23/10/2023 22:16

No that’s not normal. Talk about invasion of privacy. Chalk it up to experience and never speak to her again!

TortoiseWhoLovesStrawberries · 23/10/2023 22:16

I think the thing you have to ask yourself is, if you never saw her again would it bother you? That's the crux of it really.

kokomilan · 23/10/2023 22:18

Sorry for the typos!

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 23/10/2023 22:19

She wouldn't be invited to my house again.

frazzledasarock · 23/10/2023 22:20

That’s very weird.

I wouldn’t even be sneaking into my closest friends room and trying on her clothes. That’s just odd.

happylittlesloth · 23/10/2023 22:22

Really creepy. So odd for a grown adult to act like that.

Champagneponies · 23/10/2023 22:27

Are you sure she wasn't stealing from you OP?

Jewelspun · 23/10/2023 22:30

If you were both in the room together and were talking about clothes and she asked to see your clothes then you would have the option to agree or not.

Just going in there and rummaging around is disrespectful and off because you were not included.

I wouldn't bother with her again.

Workplacenoob · 23/10/2023 22:30

It's kind of touching in a weird fucked up way

kokomilan · 23/10/2023 22:30

Champagneponies · 23/10/2023 22:27

Are you sure she wasn't stealing from you OP?

I don't know. I honestly didn't check but it doesn't look like it. I also don't think she would, I think she just was being overly familiar. OMG, I haven't event thought about that possibility but if she did, it would have to be smaller item as we walked down together. How utterly bizarre!

OP posts:
OldPerson · 23/10/2023 22:31

If she was trying on your clothes, it's for a reason you do not know. Whether she's trying out your life or has a clothes dilemma for an event, it wasn't for you two having a girly time together. But regardless, run for the hills. You do not need to know. No happy relationship exists without boundaries. No one should ever nose through your personal stuff without permission. If they don't respect your personal "stuff" - they don't respect you.

kokomilan · 23/10/2023 22:33

OldPerson · 23/10/2023 22:31

If she was trying on your clothes, it's for a reason you do not know. Whether she's trying out your life or has a clothes dilemma for an event, it wasn't for you two having a girly time together. But regardless, run for the hills. You do not need to know. No happy relationship exists without boundaries. No one should ever nose through your personal stuff without permission. If they don't respect your personal "stuff" - they don't respect you.

That's an interesting perspective. She does have a nice life so that would surprise me. But you never know what goes on in people's minds, do you.

OP posts:
ToadOnTheHill · 23/10/2023 22:38

It's not ok at all but I dont think it was sinister.

she probably wanted to rekindle your childhood friendship and way way way missed the mark. She probably feels really embarrassed. I'd chalk it up to that and move on.

Tigerstar123 · 23/10/2023 22:41

I think this is just so weird. I mean, why and just without you.
Feels a bit like 'I want to be you'

Carrotcake93 · 24/10/2023 00:10

ToadOnTheHill · 23/10/2023 22:38

It's not ok at all but I dont think it was sinister.

she probably wanted to rekindle your childhood friendship and way way way missed the mark. She probably feels really embarrassed. I'd chalk it up to that and move on.

I think so too

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 00:17

It's weird but you hinted it is something that used to happen . When you said you'd not seen each other for ages I thought you'd say 8 years, not 8 months. That seems no time at all to me and I'd like to think after that time with a close friend we'd carry on where we left off. So is it something you'd usually do before? If so she might've just not quite understood how things have changed between you.

kokomilan · 24/10/2023 08:17

Doingmybest12 · 24/10/2023 00:17

It's weird but you hinted it is something that used to happen . When you said you'd not seen each other for ages I thought you'd say 8 years, not 8 months. That seems no time at all to me and I'd like to think after that time with a close friend we'd carry on where we left off. So is it something you'd usually do before? If so she might've just not quite understood how things have changed between you.

Yes true but the last time we did something like that was in our twenties. We both have had so much life since then and haven't done that for a long time!

I hadn't spoken to her for eight months before she came by to see us. The last time we saw each other was at my wedding. She met my husband at the wedding and never met my two children. So I don't know, that seems a fizzled out friendship to me. So to jump from there to this was a bit much for me.

OP posts:
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