Midwife comments

[TriedSoHard]

We have a two week of daughter and a 3 year old son.

During one of our midwife visits, the midwife lectured our three year old not to hit, bite or hurt our new family member.

Our son has shown no signs of anything like that yet.

We felt it was massively out of line and feel like writing a complaint.

AIBU?

Yes - it's fine; just a bit old skool. Chill out guys.

No - dust off your quill and write a firmly worded letter in red ink.

That was a bit OTT for her to do but I imagine it was well intentioned and doesn't seem worth your time to get into a complaint process about. I'd let it go and enjoy new baby and son

I think personally that I would have challenged her at the time she said by replying, in front of DS, that DS is always very kind to his little sister. Or, if she is due back again, say it to her then. I'm not sure I would waste the precious newborn days with a formal complaint, to be honest. It does seem a bizarre thing to say, though - rather OTT even if she was aiming to encourage him not to be naughty to the baby.

What do you mean by lectured?

I'd just put it down to a slightly odd midwife and not give it another thought.

I remember the midwife talking to my 2 year old DD just after I had DS and telling her that even though he's just a baby, DS loves her already and she'll always be so important to him. It was very sweet 😊

How did you respond at the time op?

I'd have been inclined to say oh ds is very good and very gentle and is being a brilliant big brother and trying very hard at that. But equally when you've just had a baby and hormones are flying and sleep is nowhere to be seen, sometimes it's very difficult to think clearly on your feet.

I personally would leave it because some small children do be a little rough with a new baby and it sounds like she was trying to involve him and back you up at the same time even if it was unnecessary.

I'd say to ds that you're really proud of how gentle and kind he's been to the baby and next time the midwife is out you'll be able to tell her all about what a wonderful big brother he is.

This must be behaviour that she often sees so just threw it out there. I would probably have responded that it's not in his character (yet, who knows?) and carried on without another thought.

I'd be more concerned that it's really odd to put those ideas into a child's head. Most parents of more than one child that I know have made an effort to help the older child/children adapt to the baby. Kind of ruins your efforts if the midwife then implies the older child would naturally want to bite or hit the baby!

Do you think he will even remember it tomorrow??

Just to add - I had a DC just under 2 when DC2 was born, and DC2 spent most of their early months on the worktop in the kitchen, out of reach... When DC3 came along, DC2 was 4, and managed to sit on the baby's head one night while chasing a balloon... They also tried to shared their crisps with the baby on the night they were born and someone had to quickly retrieve them!!!

Two weeks is nothing - be on your guard at all times!