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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you know what you want from a man?

19 replies

AmyJahabee · 23/10/2023 19:17

I’m not sure I know exactly what I want anymore. I know the base standard like must be employed ( good reason why not), his own place ( rented), good sex.

I had a date with a lovely guy he seem
to tick all the boxes but I only half fancy him, he’s not ugly. He’s reasonably good looking is just not toned enough for my liking ( I know sounds stupid right). Emotionally I’m attracted to him physically not really. We chatted for two weeks constantly before meeting maybe that got me closer to him. Do I just give it a try and see if I might feel different. I’m beginning to think my standard maybe unrealistic?

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 23/10/2023 19:18

More than one set of bedsheets and multiple towels of differing sizes.

Acornsoup · 23/10/2023 19:20

A thru lounge

Merryoldgoat · 23/10/2023 19:22

Correct apostrophe usage.

AmicableHonest · 23/10/2023 19:24

Absolutely nothing at all!

WineIsMyCarb · 23/10/2023 19:25

Interesting, has integrity, keen to be an equal life partner, decent shag. Nice teeth.

Almost anything else is fixable.

KissTheRains · 23/10/2023 19:25

I want to be attracted to them, not just in their physical appearance but in their personality, honesty, loyalty, being caring and loving etc

and i have to be able to trust them 150%

And if they treat me like a priority instead of an option, that'd be good too..

MavisMcMinty · 23/10/2023 19:26

To be out at work for 40 hours a week, pay half the bills, service the Aga, mow the lawn. When we got together nearly 30 years ago, I gave him my three rules for perfect Mavis happiness:

  1. Make me laugh.
  2. Make me come.
  3. Give me lots of compliments.

His rules for me were:

  1. Never change.
  2. Something sex-related, can’t remember what.
  3. Something sex-related but to take place in the car.

I never changed, at least.

dicedicebaby · 23/10/2023 19:27

Yes. I want one that doesn't use the kitchen sponge to clean up dog vomit, then just give it a cursory rinse before sticking it back next to the sink.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/10/2023 19:31

Honestly? You don't need to have some kind of shopping list you tick off. You don't fancy him. He's not the one for you.

PhantomUnicorn · 23/10/2023 19:31

Someone who is polite when he needs be, filthy when he needs to be, kind, loving, caring.
Nice to other people, will stand up for me.
Intelligent, funny.. or at least someone with a sense of humour that matches mine.
Lets me be who i want, doesn't try to control me.

Employed, willing to drive, will pay for treats, but also not get offended when i offer/insist on paying.

FelicityFlops · 23/10/2023 19:34

Humour
Hugs and cuddles
Teamwork

FelicityFlops · 23/10/2023 19:34

Forgot - good manners

Original poster
AmyJahabee · 23/10/2023 19:39

😂 interesting response at not using kitchen sponge to wipe dog vomit 😂

OP posts:
ShutTheDoorBabe · 23/10/2023 19:45

Being able to use that thing between his legs well. Being able to engage that thing between his ears easily. Being willing and happy to do both of the above. Generally being a nice bloke.

kitsuneghost · 23/10/2023 19:51

Similar Intelligence and interests

ArcticBells · 23/10/2023 19:53

Kindness
Honesty
Affection
Table manners

Angryappendix · 23/10/2023 19:58
  • Kind to animals and loves cats *handsome (to me) *funny *able to hold a decent conversation about world issues and forms own opinions based on fact not stereotypes or garbage media *not racist, prejudice or bigoted *can cook and eats vegetables and international cuisine
  • likes travel
  • kind, generous, family man
  • cares about health and has healthy balanced approach to life
  • great father role model

And I didn’t settle for anything less 🤣

MavisMcMinty · 24/10/2023 12:32

can cook and eats vegetables and international cuisine

OMG, you’ve reminded me of my friend’s husband, who came round for dinner - my amazing boozy beef stew - and I watched him fish out every last bit of onion and carrot and arrange them all neatly around the edge of his place. This is a man in his 50s, and I have never fancied anyone less, what a child.

Laurdo · 24/10/2023 12:47

AmyJahabee · 23/10/2023 19:17

I’m not sure I know exactly what I want anymore. I know the base standard like must be employed ( good reason why not), his own place ( rented), good sex.

I had a date with a lovely guy he seem
to tick all the boxes but I only half fancy him, he’s not ugly. He’s reasonably good looking is just not toned enough for my liking ( I know sounds stupid right). Emotionally I’m attracted to him physically not really. We chatted for two weeks constantly before meeting maybe that got me closer to him. Do I just give it a try and see if I might feel different. I’m beginning to think my standard maybe unrealistic?

If you're not attracted to him you're not attracted to him. You can force attraction. I think getting into a relationship with someone you're not attracted to is dangerous and you're more likely to have your head turned when someone else more your type comes into your life. He also deserves to be with someone who's attracted to him. You can also be attracted to someone, have them tick all the boxes but there's no chemistry. I think if you're questioning it it's probably not the right person for you.

My DH actually had a few things I'd said were deal-breakers for me including having 3 kids and a crazy ex. It's funny how deal-breakers can be forgotten for the right person though. I knew on our 2nd date I was going to marry him. The attraction and chemistry was undeniable.

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