Ex MIL visiting

[lalaloopsy83]

Wondering what to do here for the best. I have 3 kids to my ex husband who refuses to communicate any changes in schedule and goes through the kids which I've repeatedly said I'm not happy with as not their responsibility to pass on messages. He now got me blocked.
Here's the problem, his mother is over visiting for a long weekend, neither adult has told me but expect me to have the kids schedule changed for when she arrives. He has them Saturday to Sunday this weekend, but she'll want to have them Friday and also Monday while she's in the country.
I've found out through the kids she's visiting but I'm finding it annoying as she does this every year and expects me to just go ahead with their drop off and collections and I feel stuck in the house not knowing what's happening as neither will let me know anything.
I don't want to stop them seeing their grandmother but I also want to set up some boundaries as it can't continue the way it is. Should I suck it up and just let them come and go as they please because she doesn't see them much or should I keep as normal Saturday to Sunday schedule because they've not let me know what's happening? Thank you for any advice given

I would do the normal routine, if they wanted changes the adults should have asked.

Option B - normal routine.

They want to change it, they need to ask. Ask you, that is.

Normal routine.

You aren't psychic. Neither of them has had the courtesy to communicate with you, even by text. It's their problem, not yours.

Regular schedule! This is an issue of respect and you aren't getting any. It's also inappropriate to put the kids in a position of responsibility in this context. Stand your ground and send the message that they need to act like adults as you are.

Go ahead with your weekend as normal. If that doesn’t work for them…. Well they should have told you, shouldn’t they.

Thank you for your replies.
The kids ages are 16, 13 and 4. Should I leave the eldest to see them if they please? It's such an awkward position to be put in. I work and have childcare in place and it completely throws me when she's here.

I wouldn’t be petty over this. I’d message her and say the kids are with you Friday and Monday. If she wants any change to that she needs to request it now.

Thats tricky. Id ask the kids what they'd like to do.

So tricky. I can't set proper boundaries if say, the eldest wants to visit. I can't then keep my youngest because they failed to inform me.

I wouldn't be changing a damn thing unless an adult had the manners to contact me themselves and ask.

How old are the kids? But indeed. Be firm, if there are any changes (and by that I mean requests to change) they need to be in touch. Carry on oblivious, unless the kids happen to be showing you messages that indicate firm plans that they're also negotiating themselves.

Have a word with the 16yo. Apologise the adults invovled have put them in this position but do they know arrangements as you need to know for work etc and they haven't asked you anything. Would they prefer to stick to normal routine or spend more time while MIL is there? If they prefer normal then normal it is. If they want to see her more, ask if they're willing to be the childcare for the 4yo should plans fall through.

Alternatively contact MIL if you can and tell her her son has you blocked but one of the kids mentioned her visit. The kids are with you friday and monday and will be carrying on with usual routine unless her or son make alternative arrangements directly with you.

if you have not been officially asked just take the kids out to pics or bowling!! lets them see that you are not the walkover they thought you were and it might make ex mil realise that your ex is not communicating with you regarding visits. he gets kids sat like usual and this will not change just because his mother comes to visit. and why do you have to do the drop off and pick up??????

Yes tell the kids you're sorry the adults have put them in the position of communicating arrangements. Ask if they have a preference for what they do.

Message MIL directly if you can. Say the contact arrangements are X and you've asked ex to communicate with you directly if he wants to discuss changes, ie not make the children be the go between. To date he hasn't communicated to you any requests to change.

Message MIL directly and ask her if she would like a longer weekend with the kids as you’re fine to work around her.

That's the thing, I'm not exactly fine to work around her. The last time I had work and got a childminder, she came after an hour to collect without informing me.
They both constantly walk over me and because I want to put the kids first always, they know my hands are tied. I'm the bad guy to them for setting boundaries about communication and I could potentially be the bad guy to my own children for them missing out on quality time with their grandmother and extra fun days out.
It also means I'm stuck in the house because I don't know when the kids will be dropped home because they tell the kids to text me when they're ready themselves to drop off. It's all such a mess that's gone on too long

This

I've recently spoken to ex MIL because her son blocked me and I needed to know if my daughter was seeing her dad a few days ago and she said she didn't want to be "piggy in the middle and have a nice day". She's beyond rude and they both are as bad as each other.

I would make plans and be out apart from pre-arranged contact times. You have nothing to loose as they don't respect you anyway!

Carry on as normal. If she wants to see them then her son can start acting as responsible adult and contact you directly