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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws and Christmas gifts again!

16 replies

Naghiety · 23/10/2023 18:51

Every year it goes like this:
Around august/September I make a list with ideas for the kids for Christmas ready for when I’m asked about it
In-laws ask what to get for Christmas and I send it to them
A few weeks later they say they want to get them something else and ask us to find one for them to get eg ‘we have decided to get them scooters- have a look and let us know which ones you want’
We look for said items and send them links to appropriate ones
They don’t buy them and then come December behave bewildered that items are out of stock
They then get something else that the kids have no interest in or is a duplicate, gets played with once and then gathers dust

They have just announced they don’t want to get anything off the list and want to get x and y instead- can we send them ones they will like
I don’t think elder child will have much interest in x anyway and have tried to suggest they buy a slightly different thing but they don’t want to

Sounds ungrateful but I’m reaching the point I’d rather they didn’t bother

OP posts:
Gatehouse77 · 23/10/2023 18:57

What would happen if you said if they choose to go off piste then they're on their own?

Personally, I'd either offer to buy from the list on their behalf or step away.

Tinkerbyebye · 23/10/2023 19:00

Just be honest. Sorry they wouldn’t like x and please buy from the list

if they come back just say ok well I leave it with you to sort, i am stepping back

Original poster
Naghiety · 23/10/2023 21:20

Gatehouse77 · 23/10/2023 18:57

What would happen if you said if they choose to go off piste then they're on their own?

Personally, I'd either offer to buy from the list on their behalf or step away.

They say they’ll look themselves and then end up sending a million links and asking loads of questions!

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 23/10/2023 21:26

Then just ignore the links & questions or refer them to their son

ZekeZeke · 23/10/2023 21:29

Doidontimmm · 23/10/2023 21:26

Then just ignore the links & questions or refer them to their son

This 100%

Ozgirl75 · 23/10/2023 21:35

Hello? Is that you SIL? 😀
We have this every year with my PIL! Ask for suggestions and then buy whatever they like. I now leave it up to DH to sort it.

stayathomer · 23/10/2023 21:36

I kind of get it op, sorry. I’ve asked for hints before, gone looking, found something I’d love them to have. Half of the buzz of gift giving is when you find something yourself! In the same vein my kids have sometimes got presents I never ever thought they’d like or simply didn’t want in the house and they were a huge success. Just leave them off

Heartbreaktuna · 23/10/2023 21:37

My in-laws are the same. I try to impress on them how exhausting it is. I've just resigned to telling them to just surprise us. And then sending the gift to the charity shop Glares across the room at a useless unwanted trampoline they gifted recently

Branleuse · 17/12/2023 10:03

So they fund the most expensive gifts and they take over a lot of the annoying bits too.
Id be so bloody grateful tbh.
Who does the Xmas dinner etc

thecatsthecats · 17/12/2023 10:14

Branleuse · 17/12/2023 10:03

So they fund the most expensive gifts and they take over a lot of the annoying bits too.
Id be so bloody grateful tbh.
Who does the Xmas dinner etc

But of a reading comprehension fail. They don't buy things that are wanted, and I'm afraid you invented the word expensive, as it doesn't appear in OP's posts.

Read it again and try to respond to the actual post...

Branleuse · 17/12/2023 10:26

thecatsthecats · 17/12/2023 10:14

But of a reading comprehension fail. They don't buy things that are wanted, and I'm afraid you invented the word expensive, as it doesn't appear in OP's posts.

Read it again and try to respond to the actual post...

Show quote history

Patronising much?
I think a lot of people are really weird and possessive about Christmas. It seems mental to do a list in August or September.
The main issue here is that they have to send loads of links.
I think I'd tell them that if they want to get something different then they need to stop trying to involve you . Buy it or don't buy it, but keep the receipt in case it's a duplicate or not suitable.
Problem solved

thecatsthecats · 17/12/2023 11:09

Branleuse · 17/12/2023 10:26

Patronising much?
I think a lot of people are really weird and possessive about Christmas. It seems mental to do a list in August or September.
The main issue here is that they have to send loads of links.
I think I'd tell them that if they want to get something different then they need to stop trying to involve you . Buy it or don't buy it, but keep the receipt in case it's a duplicate or not suitable.
Problem solved

Show quote history

Yep, I'll own that. You seem to find it harder to admit that you made up your reply out of nowhere, but I'm glad you've addressed the actual issue.

For what it's worth, I agree with your second post. I don't do people's thinking for them with gifts. In my opinion if you can't think of a good gift, then either nothing or money are better options.

Branleuse · 17/12/2023 11:48

thecatsthecats · 17/12/2023 11:09

Yep, I'll own that. You seem to find it harder to admit that you made up your reply out of nowhere, but I'm glad you've addressed the actual issue.

For what it's worth, I agree with your second post. I don't do people's thinking for them with gifts. In my opinion if you can't think of a good gift, then either nothing or money are better options.

Show quote history

What is your problem. I don't need your approval or disapproval regarding my standard of double checking every fact on a random Mumsnet post. It's not even your post 😂

Smallngrumpy · 17/12/2023 12:37

We used to get this and my FIL in particular had some issue with getting them something they wanted, like he was being told what to do.
One particular year they bought a really cheap version of a nerf gun they wanted. Come Christmas, the child was so disappointed and they saw this. From then we gave then a list of a couple of items and made sure to ask which they had bought so we could get rest, put the onus on them to choose and then we could get the stuff they wanted.
Now they are much older and often buy clothes or chocolate and some money. This can be hit and miss but because the child hasnt asked for those items, there is no disappointment.

Its really hard as you want your child to get what they have asked for(within reason) and you give them the chance to give this amazing gift that you know they will love.

Maray1967 · 17/12/2023 12:40

Tinkerbyebye · 23/10/2023 19:00

Just be honest. Sorry they wouldn’t like x and please buy from the list

if they come back just say ok well I leave it with you to sort, i am stepping back

This is exactly what I have done - and made sure DH knew my views, and left it at that. They backed off, bought something from the suggestions we originally gave, DC were happy, and no more was said.

WillowCraft · 17/12/2023 13:09

I sometimes give a few ideas e.g. They would love a tractor, or that toy you gave last year was a big hit, maybe something similar, or they need some new bedding or whatever. I wouldn't get into the level of detail of sending links though - it's not up to me how much they spend. I also wouldn't put someone else in charge of the one thing they really wanted as inevitably they will buy the wrong colour or brand or something. I always offer ideas that are easy to find and aren't too specific, and that child won't be upset if they don't get.

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