Step children's unmonitored usage of tiktok

[Justanotherposter1]

I have no authority here and there's nothing I can do about it but do you think my position is an unreasonable one?

My step children are 8-10, one has diagnosed special needs and the other has no diagnosis but parents suspect she may also be on the spectrum.

They both have smart phones which they use to access things like roblox and tiktok with no adult supervision. Roblox being the lesser of my concern but even so, we've all heard about the dodgy things that go on on there.

My main worry is tiktok and here's why. As a former tiktok user myself (cooking videos and impractical jokers videos mostly) I think it's not the place for kids to be scrolling around unsupervised. I'd be here all day listing the inappropriate things I've seen on there but to name two, a suicide video was doing the rounds last year and a bunch of other disturbing things like police interviews with criminals who have done really, really dark stuff. Eating disorder videos. Dangerous things.

My bio child (6 with autism) has been asking for tiktok on his tablet and thinks I'm the worst person in the world for saying no. I've shared my concerns with DH who is ignorant about the risks of social media having never bothered with it himself and so is happy for his ex to set the boundaries with that, aka have none. He doesn't like to rock the boat but the disparity in rules is now causing me problems with DS who is kicking off when he sees them on it because he wants it too.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to think tiktok isn't appropriate for young children like this?

I'd honestly just stay out of it. Been there with stepchildren who aren't made to do anything and barely have any rules or boundaries and neither parent wanting to be the bad guy and introduce any.

For your own sanity I'd just adopt a not my circus not my monkeys approach.

That's exactly what I tend to do these days. When DH wasn't interested in talking about the dangers of social media I thought ok that's your choice I'll leave you to it and didn't mention it again. It has only resurfaced now as my own DS is giving me merry hell about not having the samw things. I said it isn't appropriate for children then comes "but DSD and DSS are allowed it" and I always look like the bad guy 🙁

You have rules for your house.

Unmonitored internet access is a safeguarding issue.

I do not get on with my ex but we still talk about what he can watch or not watch.

you decide on your rules and all the children follow them

can you show him some links to what they have accessed?

You will look like the bad guy but you need to just suck that up tbh. Keep repeating the truth to your ds. Your stepsiblings mum allows it but you are too young right now and I don't think it is right for you.

Leave it to your DH.Dont get involved because you'll be blamed.

I've told DS it's not up for discussion and DH will speak to him later. He can explain why its one rule for one and another for others. I guess this is one of the pitfalls of parents not being on the same page.

I agree the older children shouldn't be on TikTok.

My older DC's are allowed Minecraft and Roblox (8&10) but my 5 year old isn't. He's desperate to be allowed Roblox but can't even read properly yet.

Very tricky situation to be in but for the next couple of years you can just get away with telling DC he's not old enough without it being anymore complicated.

Maybe try and educate DH on the dangers of social media, show him some inappropriate videos from TikTok and say would you be happy for DC's to watch this.

Just tell your DS you're not their mum so you don't make their rules.

Completely agree with you by the way.

While I actually agree with you where TikTok is concerned I also feel for your DC not being able to do the same things in their own home as their S siblings.

Always difficult with SC as it's nice if they feel at home in your family home but there are times when they need to understand that sometimes there are different sets of rules in each household for valid reasons.

I showed DH this video and asked how he'd feel about his children watching this

Trigger warning, very disturbing discussion of SA and death.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJw4eLX2/

He was disgusted and said they should never allow such things to be posted. He's going to keep an eye on what DSC are watching when they're here but isn't going to be getting into a discussion with his ex about it. He did back me up with DS and said different houses have different rules and he just isn't old enough, period.

I don't know how people can be do relaxed with their children having unfiltered access to things like tiktok. Even the app says you have to be 13.

While he can't particularly have a say what goes on in his ex's home hopefully she takes the same attitude and is in agreement that her DS follows rules set by you at your House.