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Original poster

To ask for your cringeworthy childhood memories?

113 replies

Forwardthinkinglobster · 22/10/2023 22:04

The sort of ones that pop into your mind decades later and you still stop dead and think “Oh god!”

Mine was when me and my sister were aged about 10 and 8. We were young, innocent and firmly into toilet humour/funny body parts. Evidently, we thought it would be hilarious to make our (pretty straight-laced) grandma a hand made card which harked “HAPPY WILLY DAY” emblazoned on the front surrounded by some pretty terrible drawings… you get the idea. I still remember the initial smile on her face when we handed it to her in a cute envelope, which immediately sunk to a stern frown when she pulled the card out of the envelope!

Argh!

OP posts:
dazeydazey · 14/01/2024 19:44

😁

NotQuiteNorma · 14/01/2024 19:51

Wtf?? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

return2sender · 14/01/2024 19:52

I remember the Santa's grotto at my primary school. I asked Santa for a bigger present. My mum was really upset with me. I cringe hard at this 😅

SwirlyShirly · 14/01/2024 19:53

My mum worked in a pub kitchen, the landlord and lady were kind enough to let her bring me to work and I spent most of my summer days in their lovely beer garden on the climbing frame SHOUTING IN TO THE SKY TO MAKE THE BIRDS FLY THINKING I WAS SNOW WHITE OR SOME SHITE.

Aylestone · 14/01/2024 19:57

I remember learning to count in Welsh in school, and one day when we had company over I told them I knew how to say 100, and repeatedly shouted ‘cunt’ at my parents guests while my parents argued that’s not how you pronounce it 🤦🏼‍♀️ im actually a little sore about that 40 years on, my dad took me out of the room and smacked my bum when I genuinely didn’t know what I had done wrong 😟

Comedycook · 14/01/2024 20:01

Two things spring to mind...

First day at a new school and given a hymn book. Never had one before. Proceed to sing hymn in assembly and at the end of each verse it said "chorus". I literally sang the word chorus.

Other one is my parents took us to see their friend house for lunch. On the table was a bowl of what I thought were new potatoes.... proceeded to spoon them onto my plate when the husband of the couple told me oh you do know they're artichokes not potatoes? I was so embarrassed I just said yes I know and then had to eat them to save face. I thought they were disgusting.

SausageRoll58 · 27/02/2024 10:19

I was 7 and this time I'd had a stomach bug and was off school for a few days. I had the runs and headaches etc. Went back to school but still wasn't feeling quite right. It was a very windy day and we were all lined up in the playground ready to go in. I had some tissues in my little hand and accidentally let them go so they flew all over the ground. As I rushed off to pick them up I had another dose of the runs .... as I bent down to collect the tissues my skirt blew up and it was all over my white knickers and running down my legs...

The other kids took the p* out of me for weeks after!

Queenconsult · 27/02/2024 10:29

Mine was when I was 12, went camping with my aunt, my cousins, my aunts friend and her kids.

I made fast friends with the 15 year old daughter of my aunts friend (will call her Emma)

On the second night we had a sleepover in my aunts tent, Emma was whispering to me about her boyfriend and to keep up and pretend to be grown up I guess I went on about how much oral sex I had performed, not realizing my aunt was still awake and hearing our entire conversation. A part of me died when I heard her say ‘alright now girls I think it’s time to go to sleep’

Its still brought up at family gatherings Grin

DSD9472 · 27/02/2024 10:30

Both involved my poor dad.

I was 4 and my older, wiser 5yr old neighbour suggested we make penises out of cardboard. We stuck them on with sellotape and were both stood over the toilet bowl, trying to wee through said penis- when my dad walked in!

When I was 8, dad and I were swimming backstroke. As we set off, I stretched my hand back but instead of hitting the water- I groped his crotch 😬

Rockfordpeach · 27/02/2024 10:36

Not terribly embarrassing but I still cringe now when I think back to it. We had to write an essay about the history of our town (must have been around 9) and I remember there was a bookies in town with beautiful old fashioned script 'book makers' above the shop. 9 year old me spent a long time earnestly writing about how it must have been a historical shop that years ago used to print and make books. I really do cringe when I think how much my teacher must have giggled over it

DSD9472 · 27/02/2024 10:56

@SausageRoll58 That must have been awful for you. Did the teachers help clean you up? 😫

ManyBooksLittleTime · 27/02/2024 17:44

My sister and I posing for a photo after a show. She and I both sat on one each of Rolf Harris' knees! 😱

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/02/2024 17:47

Went through a stage of calling everyone a Transvestite

Spudthespanner · 27/02/2024 22:15

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/02/2024 17:47

Went through a stage of calling everyone a Transvestite

😂 wtf why?

BigLicks · 27/02/2024 22:31

Aylestone · 14/01/2024 19:57

I remember learning to count in Welsh in school, and one day when we had company over I told them I knew how to say 100, and repeatedly shouted ‘cunt’ at my parents guests while my parents argued that’s not how you pronounce it 🤦🏼‍♀️ im actually a little sore about that 40 years on, my dad took me out of the room and smacked my bum when I genuinely didn’t know what I had done wrong 😟

🤣🤣🤣🤣

scalt · 01/03/2024 08:15

The first time I played pin the tail on the donkey (aged 5), the party mum handed me a tail, and told me to go first. Not knowing the ways of the game, I went straight up and stuck it in exactly the right place, thinking it was a very easy game. I was quite upset when the party mum gently explained that I had to be blindfolded!

Testina · 01/03/2024 08:50

Nobody taught be about period products, and I started quite young.
A few months in I told my older sister that I hated how the adhesive from the pad pulled at my pubic hair as I removed it.
She told me you stick it to your pants not yourself.
I died inside.

Funkyslippers · 01/03/2024 08:55

Testina omg I'm crossing my legs imagining the pain!!

Funkyslippers · 01/03/2024 08:59

My brother and I (I was about 6) went to friends of my mum's and we were playing in the garden with their kids, similar age. For some reason I kept shouting "you bloody bugger". The other kids were shocked and told me I should stop saying it but it just made me do it even more

Another time I was at brownies and Brown Owl, a timid lady bless her, was trying to get everyone's attention as they were being noisy so I shouted ,"shut up you bloody idiots"!!!

I didn't swear much as a kid, honest and I was actually very shy ☺️

Stickthatupyourdojo · 01/03/2024 11:28

Someone dared me to write "fuck" on my spelling test in year 3. I did it in what I thought was spy like tiny writing. Mum got a phone call for that one

I learned how to play Chinese whispers. I played it at home with the word "twat". Apparently doesn't mean the same as twit.

I told a joke about what do you call a police woman with no pubic hair "cunt stubble". To my parents.

I am nearly 40 and although I still swear like a trooper I have NO idea what possessed me as a child.

funinthesun19 · 01/03/2024 11:45

I ended up being part of the cross country team at primary school. One day we went to compete against other schools and it was my first (and last!) time doing so.

When it was time to run, I ran straight to the finish line instead of running in the direction of of everyone else. I didn’t do it to cheat. I did it because I was confused and dopey. I was only about 8 or 9 at the time, but it’s a memory that has really stuck with me as I completely humiliated myself.

I was given the first badge and everything, only for us all to quickly realise what I had done. At the time the people greeting kids at the finish line were very surprised to see me get there “so quickly.” 🤦🏼‍♀️ I let my team down and I remember people calling me names for it afterwards. Still to this day I don’t know what made me run in the direction that I did. I cried my eyes out on the way home because I was so embarrassed. Luckily my lovely dad was with me.

RaraRachael · 01/03/2024 12:02

In the mid 70s it was very much the fashion to wear long dresses to events. I was 14 and spent a week at a summer music school. We were told to take a nice dress etc for the end of course party. My mother took me to M and S where she bought me a long nightie for this as "Nobody will know it's a nightie, they'll think it's a long dress"
Cue the party evening. I was insecure enough being quiet, wearing glasses and insecure socially, Of course I got laughed at because some other girls had seen said garment for sale in M and S.
When I got home and said how upset I was, I was told I was making a fuss about nothing and I should have been glad to be wearing something different and not the same as everyone else.

AlmostCutMyHairToday · 01/03/2024 12:06

Accidentally sat on someone's birthday cake at a party, thinking I had sat on the arm of the sofa. I remember turning to a friend and saying 'ooh this is a soft sofa'.
It was a chocolate cake so I was doubly made fun of for having 'poo' on my trousers.

Cafelattes · 01/03/2024 12:07

@Rockfordpeach in a similar vein, I was new at high school and having my first French lessons. We were set homework to write a few basic sentences about our family, including a couple of photos. For what reason I'll never know, I carefully wrote it out in perfect English. My teacher (anonymously, thank God) actually laughed about it in the next class. I still cringe now.

Scrumbleton · 01/03/2024 12:26

when the teacher at school ( when i was 6) asked if anyone knew what vowels were i shouted out they were things that move when you go to the toilet. I met him many years later and he was still chuckling.

Also aged 11 the girls were beginning to get bras but i was flat as a pancake. I found a tiny bra in my mums drawer and with a bit of difficulty hooked it up and proudly displayed it to the other girls in the loos / years later I realised it was a garter belt!