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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I warrant this treatment from him?

19 replies

Loveandall · 22/10/2023 16:23

We spoke about seeing each other this weekend. I message him mid week to ask if it is going ahead - no reply. I then messaged him the next day and told him I have now made other plans as he did not reply to my message and indicated that a response from him would've have been nice even if was to just tell me he's busy rather than just ignore my message. He them replied sounding put out as he wanted to see me.

Why on earth did he not reply then!?
He has been off with me since.
We have been seeing eachother for around a year. He has also ignored messages in the past and it really grates on me.

Should I have just brushed it off and waited as I know he does always make the time to see me therefore It was a very high chance I would see him the weekend regardless of him not responding to my message mid week.

Or is he BU?

OP posts:

Paltrypam · 22/10/2023 16:26

You gave him a day to respond? Some people aren’t surgically attached to their phones

doesn’t sound like there’s much joy in this relationship op

Paltrypam · 22/10/2023 16:27

Have you actually made plans?

or did you just say that because you were pissed off he had not replied?

you can tell us the truth!

Aquamarine1029 · 22/10/2023 16:28

He's not that bothered, op, and you've wasted enough time on him. If he were really interested in you, you'd know it. Move on.

CreationNat1on · 22/10/2023 16:36

Leaving his options open to shoe horn you in around his other activities and maybe not be available for you if something else came up.

Go date someone else, he is not putting enough effort in and also leaving his options open.

There is something or someone that is higher up on his list of priorities, could be the lads, stifling family, ar weed or some other addiction.

Don't accept shabby treatment.

Worriedmum159 · 22/10/2023 16:41

CreationNat1on · 22/10/2023 16:36

Leaving his options open to shoe horn you in around his other activities and maybe not be available for you if something else came up.

Go date someone else, he is not putting enough effort in and also leaving his options open.

There is something or someone that is higher up on his list of priorities, could be the lads, stifling family, ar weed or some other addiction.

Don't accept shabby treatment.

👆🏼
also, shoddy treatment should leave you thinking 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Original poster

Loveandall · 22/10/2023 16:47

The thing is that I know there is nothing or noone higher up on his priorities. I know him and I know his life. I also know that he would have be avaliable for me at the weekend. He just pissed me off for not bothering to reply. Now I'm not sure if I overreaction or not. And I know he is now pissed off that I didn't see him.

OP posts:

Readingineading · 22/10/2023 16:47

Yup, the message above has nailed it. Time to ditch and move on op.

JustTalkToThem · 22/10/2023 16:51

Didn’t you post this a couple days ago?

Cumbrianlife · 22/10/2023 16:53

How many more times are you going to post this? The answers will be the same.

Paltrypam · 22/10/2023 16:53

Loveandall · 22/10/2023 16:47

You’ve known him a year op?

How can you be so sure?

CreationNat1on · 22/10/2023 16:53

If he doesn't respond to texts, why don't you call him?

Cosyblankets · 22/10/2023 16:55

You could have just rung him in the first place instead of messaging.
You'd spoken about it last weekend so i would have assumed it was a yes unless you heard otherwise
Communication is needed on both sides here

Createausername1970 · 22/10/2023 16:56

Your posts don't make sense. You are saying you are his first priority and he makes time for you, but you got a cob on because he didn't respond in your timescales?

I know the LTB brigade will be telling you to do just that, but I think you were BU in this instance.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/10/2023 16:56

The thing is that I know there is nothing or noone higher up on his priorities.

His actions say otherwise.

Paltrypam · 22/10/2023 16:58

You have cut your nose off to spite your face op

you don’t have plans for this weekend and instead you’re going to spend it pissed off with your STBX

TeaGinandFags · 22/10/2023 16:59

He's a man.

If you're important to him he'd message.

He could be simply seeing how much shit you'll take. That's something else the not so nice men do.

If he can't confirm plans a few days ahead or drops you like a stone last minute, you're not important to him.

Make your own plans and serve him a portion of his own medicine. Spoiler alert, he won't like it. They never do.

Check out Matthew Hussey's YouTube. Very illuminating.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 23/10/2023 02:07

His WANTS are the higher priority. Do whatever he fancied doing is what will have been given priority. Bike ride? Slot that in and see Loveandall afterwards. Watch the football game at the pub? Have lunch with Loveandall and then head to the pub. Mates going out for a drink Sat night? See Loveandall for brunch on Sunday. (Random examples, he will have other wants).

Meanwhile Loveandall can't make additional plans because she has no idea when she will see this plonker. So he gets to see you AND do other things because he gets to choose the timings. YOU have to some things out at the last minute in order to make sure you see him.

CreationNat1on · 23/10/2023 08:27

Exactly, you get slotted in, in and around all his other activities, he probably would prefer you to do this to him as well.

MassageForLife · 23/10/2023 09:01

I don't think you are that bothered about him tbh. If you wanted to see him this weekend, you would have waited longer than a day before making other plans - I would have sent another message to say 'let me know asap what you are thinking this weekend as I've been invited to do blah' or similar.

The fact that you immediately decided to do something else without following up indicates that you aren't that into him, and for that reason maybe you should end it.

Flip