Is it odd to feel this way?

[goglen]

We get married in November and I am not super excited for it. I feel as though I should be as I am in lots of groups for vendors and everyone buys personalised wedding accessories from Etsy, has a special wedding tradition etc. People keep asking me, am I nervous, do I have butterflies, and my answer is always not really!

I’m looking forward to being married to DH but I am a very logical person (and autistic) and don’t think things will really change for our relationship other than the legalities of it. I will feel much better when we‘ve done it. We are eloping somewhere beautiful and then having a casual reception when home. I just want to crack on with being married and then enjoying some time away together making those memories. The ceremony itself? Meh!

So, AIBU to just want a nice day with that within it, rather than the momentous ‘big day’?

Thank you for the votes so far, I feel like I can’t be honest in real life without anyone thinking ‘oh, you must not want to get married then!’

realised this quickly when I told a friend who looked at me funny and just couldn’t understand

Sounds a perfect wedding. Your day, your rules. It's not worth sweating and getting nervous over the small details (I can hardly remember what my favours were now, i think we put them together by hand).

The overexcitement can lead to a big downer post wedding too. And you're right, it's about you too spending your day then future together.

Congratulations OP for when you do get married .

I think you have a very sensible approach to it. My main concerns about getting married were 1) that we actually ended up married; and 2) there was enough food and drink for everyone. My wedding day was fun but it wasn't the happiest day of my life or anything. I did like having all of my favourite people in the same place because that doesn't happen often but nothing fundamentally changed.

I had the same experience - I had actually never wanted a ‘wedding’ so the whole shebang was largely for everyone else’s benefit and I found all the organising and expectations really stressful. It had no bearing on my love for my husband.

We did have a great day in the end, though, and an excellent honeymoon!

YANBU. My SIL cried inconsolably the day after her wedding because ‘it’s all over’.
I was 🤔

(The marriage didn’t last).

Caring more about the marriage than the wedding is super healthy imo.

I felt like that too. I just wanted to get married and for the day to be over. I hate attention. We got married abroad with nine guests. We didn't invite people, they asked to come. Was glad when it was over. Married 17 years now and all great.

Best of luck with your marriage.

I had zero stress, no party gimmicks or worries about silly stuff (like table decs, seriously, who cares!). I wasn't nervous or overexcited. So when it happened, it was a really good day! Hope this will be the same for you!

Remember it's just one day x

@goglen

can I come please!

I love weddings where the B&G just want to be married! Have a nice day, sure, but not spend months making sure the invitations, seat backs & favours are all matching & perfect and stressing over every little thing. Where guests ca be comfortable & enjoy the day too!

you do you
ignore any pressure

have a lovely day & wonderful marriage. 💐

I was married in the old days when it was either Registry Office or church. Because we were Registry Office it was of necessity a small wedding, immediate family only. One of the happiest days of my life, one that I still remember with great pleasure.

Thank you X

Not odd at all in my opinion🤗 although you’re right many will think you are!!
I loved my wedding & neither DH or I had nerves, we discussed it wondering if we were missing something but were just happy to be moving forward with our relationship the way we wanted.
& for the record I’m not ND & was perfectly happy being centre of attention on our wedding day (including a choreographed bride & ladies dance, designed on the hen do!!) It was a church wedding with reception for 200 guests arranged predominantly by me, with a lot of help, & I loved every minute, as people say it does go past so quickly.
Enjoy your day & look forward to your life together. Pay no heed to other opinions xx

I was like this too op and also very glad when it was all over. Love being married but the wedding was just a formality for us.

I'm autistic and we eloped too, neither of us cared about the wedding, just wanted to be married. I agree it's healthy to not care about the day, worked out pretty well for us, still together and happy 20-odd years later