Would you cancel child maintenance..

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 2023-10-22T12:33:28+00:00

If your ex only had to pay £7 per week? Is it worth keeping open? No chance of him getting a job. He hasn’t worked in years to avoid paying I suspect. Keeping it open means he can tell people that he pays for the children even though it’s only £7

BranchGold · 22/10/2023 13:34

No, I absolutely wouldn’t cancel it.

Labradoodlie · 22/10/2023 13:37

I’d keep it. It’s pitiful, but over the course of 18 years it’s over £6k that’s your child’s rather than his.

If you cancelled the claim he’d spin a line about ‘she won’t let me pay’ or something instead. He won’t give up the moral highground.

margotrose · 22/10/2023 13:38

Nope, definitely not.

Original poster

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 22/10/2023 13:40

Labradoodlie · 22/10/2023 13:37

I’d keep it. It’s pitiful, but over the course of 18 years it’s over £6k that’s your child’s rather than his.

If you cancelled the claim he’d spin a line about ‘she won’t let me pay’ or something instead. He won’t give up the moral highground.

We have more than one child so it won’t be 6k unfortunately.

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amberpatchoulilili · 22/10/2023 13:40

i have a thread in chat about my waste of skin ex and maintenance. as an absolute point of principle i wouldn't cancel it.
whether you are getting £7 a week or not he will still tell people he it's for the kids if he wants to.
£7 a week might just ease your budget somewhere or if that's not the case it's a nice takeaway for you and the children once a month.
i'd be tempted to send him a pic of it but that the childish (thoroughly pissed off) side to me.

CrazyHamsterLady · 22/10/2023 14:02

Let him have it hanging over his head. It’s not doing you any harm.

Original poster

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 22/10/2023 15:34

Actually yes it does bug me and winds me up big time that he only has to pay £7 per week. It isn’t hanging over him he finds it hilarious that he gets away paying so little.

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modgepodge · 22/10/2023 15:39

I don’t understand this mentality (his) at all. So he doesn’t have a job because he doesn’t want to give you money? So what does he live off? Benefits? Don’t you have to make some effort to look for work unless you have a valid reason not to eg disability? So he chooses to be hard up just to make you hard up too? If he got a job and had to pay you more he’d still be richer himself overall surely?

clearly not a criticism of you OP, just I’ve seen this ‘he chooses not to work so he doesn’t haven’t to pay’ thing before and I don’t get it.

I’d keep the claim open, presumably if his situation ever changes it will be easier for you to find out and get more, than if you close the claim completely?

AhBiscuits · 22/10/2023 15:40

Just transfer it straight into an account for your kids. They can use it as holiday spending money once a year or something.

BasiliskStare · 22/10/2023 15:43

I would do as a PP says - keep taking it and put in in a separate pot for spending money

If he is telling people his is paying for his children - I assume people you don't know as otherwise you could say - yes £7 per month. If people you don't know does it matter.

Is there anyway of him being reassesed ?

ShineBright1209 · 22/10/2023 15:44

I know what you mean about it seeming a pointless amount of money. I’ve just had my first child maintenance payment of a whole £30.50 a month between 4 children and just seeing the amount wound me up. He does a direct payment to me so could have decided to put a bit more in but didn’t.
As much as it wound me up though it’s the principle that made me put in a claim knowing it would only be the bare minimum amount. I have paid for everything for the children for over 3 years so it’s time he now contributes even only a small amount. Believe it or not claiming benefits as a single person doesn’t give them a lot to live off so that £7 a week probably is making a difference to him, he just doesn’t want you know that.

OhmygodDont · 22/10/2023 15:45

Keep it. Purely because when he decides to mouth of one day at adult children about how he paid. You can show them the statement he can’t made up a lie because it’s official recorded payments. Plus the children can spend that £7 a week on ice cream or whatever it’s theirs.

Terfosaurus · 22/10/2023 15:47

No I wouldn't cancel it.

happylittlesloth · 22/10/2023 15:49

No - keep it. Put it into a savings account if you don't need it and use it to pay for a really shit expense that comes up that you weren't expecting. Or a school trip.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/10/2023 15:50

I’d keep it going. If his circumstances change then it’s there already.

plus when your kids are older, or if a new gf of his gets snarky, and he’s claiming he pays “hundreds and hundreds”, as my ex stupidly did, you can show the statement showing exactly what he got. It also doesn’t give scope for “I tried to pay but your mum wouldn’t let me so you missed out on stuff” either.

i opened a new account just for the maintenance to go in and used it for occasional treats (because I couldn’t rely on it for bills as he would stop paying every now and again) but it meant I didn’t have to see it on my usual bank statement.

Ap24 · 22/10/2023 15:57

Well surely he isn't telling people he only contributes £7 a week? What is to stop him lying even if he pays nothing?

I'd keep it. £7 a week means far more to someone out of work than to another earning. There's no way I'd be making his life easier.

DreamItDoIt · 22/10/2023 15:59

Keep it and invest it. Open junior Ida and invests in stocks and shares. Over £350 a year. 10 years 3.5k plus any interest/increase.

When your child is older and their Dad tells them he paid maintenance. Say yes, I saved the £7 a week and give it to them.

Mythologies · 22/10/2023 16:02

If you cancelled it he would spin it against you. :(

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 22/10/2023 16:15

Could have written this myself. My ex also paid about £7 a week for the exact same reason. My opinion of him couldn't have dropped any lower... or so I thought. He now has to pay nothing as seemingly CSA accept he isn't claiming benefits, which he mustn't be, but yet believe he is clearly living off fresh air but not money with no income. In other words he is working cash in hand. I have honestly contemplated cancelling myself, but some points in this post have been good at reminding me how shitty a light he paints himself in for my DC when they are older, should he ever resurface.

Original poster

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 22/10/2023 18:29

Mythologies · 22/10/2023 16:02

If you cancelled it he would spin it against you. :(

In what way? Not sure why my kids would care if I claimed or not? My mum never got any maintenance for me it doesn’t upset me? She didn’t claim because she said it wasn’t worth it I’m not upset as we never went without

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Original poster

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 22/10/2023 18:30

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 22/10/2023 16:15

Could have written this myself. My ex also paid about £7 a week for the exact same reason. My opinion of him couldn't have dropped any lower... or so I thought. He now has to pay nothing as seemingly CSA accept he isn't claiming benefits, which he mustn't be, but yet believe he is clearly living off fresh air but not money with no income. In other words he is working cash in hand. I have honestly contemplated cancelling myself, but some points in this post have been good at reminding me how shitty a light he paints himself in for my DC when they are older, should he ever resurface.

He has had periods where he didn’t need to pay as he had debts 🤦🏻‍♀️ he went a year without needing to pay anything as his debts took priority but I guess they’ve paid off now

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Original poster

EmeraldTheSeahorse · 22/10/2023 18:30

Ap24 · 22/10/2023 15:57

Well surely he isn't telling people he only contributes £7 a week? What is to stop him lying even if he pays nothing?

I'd keep it. £7 a week means far more to someone out of work than to another earning. There's no way I'd be making his life easier.

No he will just tell people that he pays he won’t say the amount but he will have letters to show he pays

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PaminaMozart · 22/10/2023 18:40

Keep it and invest it. Open junior Ida and invests in stocks and shares. Over £350 a year. 10 years 3.5k plus any interest/increase.

This ^

Over 10 years you could quite possibly double your investment. Google compound interest - and don't panic if the market drops at times. By the time your children turn 18, they'd be likely to have a tidy sum!