First time clubbing

[mondaytosunday]

Introverted non drinking daughter has met a few people on her one year pre uni course that want to go clubbing on Halloween in Soho. She's told them she will not be drinking. She's not that keen but she is curious. Clubbing back in my day was going out late, drinking, having a dance and maybe meeting someone.
I think going out on Halloween to Soho is jumping in at the deep end. The group have only known each other a couple months (four girls one guy, all 18 or 19). My worry is she'll want to leave but will be on her own, very late at night in an unfamiliar area full of intoxicated people. Or as the one sober person will become responsible for the others and not know what to do to get them all home - at least one lives outside London. She's meeting them this week and will ask for more detailed plans. Am I being too overprotective? What's clubbing like these days? I'm not saying not to go - totally up to her, but she's not sure herself.

Make sure she has Uber installed on her phone so she can get a taxi home on her own if she wants. I understand your worries, I was the same when my DD started to go out clubbing. I still don't like it (my problem ! ) but it's part of becoming an adult.

Lots of young people don't drink anymore, drug use is more rife than it was but its easy to say no. Halloween tends to be one of the busier nights of the year so yes in a way it's in the deep end because venues will be rammed, likely to be more drunk people when in fancy dress etc- but ultimately its up to her isn't it. Although considering logistics such as how to get home etc is sensible, seems to be a lot of over thinking going on! Please try not to pass your reservations on, it's very stifling as a teenager.

They have known each other a couple of months, I am hopeful they will lookout for each other.
I moved to university 2 months after my 18th birthday, I knew no-one
I went out clubbing with the people from my floor in hall that week.

Would she be able to get herself home from soho in the day time? In which case she should be able to at night, sober. Not ideal alone but people do do it without incident all the time.

Thanks. @Unithorn she asked me what I thought- I said I can't decide for her but they need a plan. I don't think many of them have much experience clubbing as they are young. I hope I'm not stifling - I've always encouraged her to go out do stuff when invited but she isn't social - one evening last summer at a pub for an 18th birthday and she said that's it now for six months! I suppose her not drinking is better than also having to worry she is drunk somewhere and more vulnerable! She said she far prefer to go to someone's house for the evening rather than go out out.

Honestly though it's not as unusual at all as once was to not drink on a night out, she won't be alone in that at all! I'd just make sure she has enough cash/money on card to get home alone if needed and reiterate that if she wants to leave early or is not comfortable then that's fine.

She's a young adult finding her way like everyone else does at that age. She'll either hate it and just get a cab home or find out she likes it and... won't.

It will be fun! They need a plan, and they all need original ID.

Oh right @TheOccupier good point! She doesn't have a drivers license or provisional even! Guess it will have to be passport

Does she have sn? It sounds like quite a normal activity for an 18yo to do and learn to navigate

If she doesn't enjoy it and wants to go home then she either goes home or stays even if she's not enjoying it, and knows its not for her next time. Its not the end of the world to stay in a place your not enjoying for a couple hours

Learning to deal with drunk people again is a normal thing for 18yo. Drunk friends will be the same whether in soho or your local wetherspoons.

Keep enough cash in the porch/on the dining table to pay for her taxi home. That way absolute worse case she knows she can get in a taxi home and there will be the cash to pay for it

She'll have a great time! I cut through Soho on my way somewhere last year on the Saturday night near Halloween, and there were lots of people dressed in costume and having fun; it looked fab.

I didn't see anybody hopelessly drunk either then or on the night tube when I went home and I agree with pp that it's not unusual at all for younger people not to to drink on a night out. Have contingency plans sorted (getting home, ID, phone charger) and she'll be fine.

As long as she has Uber on her phone , and knows the night bus as well as the tube home she’ll be grand.

Balans on old Compton st is an all night cafe so she can always go there

Yep you are being v overprotective. Lots of people don’t drink these days. She is very old to be involving you like this on a night out. Help her to become more independent rather than encouraging this. A night out is no big deal.

Central london is incredibly safe these days. I can’t remember the last time I heard of anyone getting anything nicked.

Yeah, but do get her to get a prov license for future. Also she needs to learn to drive at some point.

Agreed with all this but I wouldn’t say central London is necessarily safe re mobile phone snatching (in streets from people on mopeds and escooters) and bags being stolen from pubs etc. This was happening last year locally to where I worked (Goodge Street) and some friends had bags nicked from a bar near Covent Garden a month ago. So just be vigilant.

I think you shouldn't be this involved at her age, I would make sure she knows not to leave her drink unattended and how to get home, other than that it's up to her, it's great that she wants to try it, she will either love or hate it but either way it's fine.

She just needs a plan of how to get home most importantly.

It's good that you're helping her plan and pp have good suggestions eg take ID, install uber etc. But I would definitely encourage her to go. She only gets one chance to be young and experience these things and you don't want her to feel that she has missed out on parts of life when she's older and the chance has gone. It sounds a bit more than being introverted, possibly a bit of social anxiety? It will help her confidence to go outside her comfort zone and she'll be with friends.

I have a similar age daughter who lives close to this area . I always say to her " go with your gut". If she's not sure she won't enjoy it for the worry The pubs and bars are full and there's a great atmosphere pre 11.30pm .. the early hours are a lot less busy and it's common for revellers to get separated so she needs a contingent plan. To be honest there are so many things to do in London they tend to avoid clubs . Queuing in the cold, expensive drinks and rammed in with strangers in favour or meals or a bar .

You’re being very over the top. But the reigns a bit.
“only knowing each other a couple of months” is an odd perspective. Most people are going out with friends they met days ago during freshers week at uni, it’s how you actually become friends.

I find these kind of posts baffling - who needs their mum to organise their night out?
By 18 I’d moved into students halls in a new city and went out clubbing with my new flat mates the first night I arrived.

you really need to let her get on with it and live her life. She sounds very co dependent or you are just holding onto those strings very tightly.

She’s at an age where trying stuff out like this is normal. She might not even like it as not everyone is into clubbing, but she won’t know until she tries which clearly she wants to do. Have faith in her.

What plan do you expect her and her friends to have that would give you assurance? Normally a plan is “we will meet at x place and maybe go to a b c but see how we feel” . You don’t tend to plan when you’re going home because you don’t know what time you’ll feel like leaving.

most big clubs have taxis waiting outside or she can Uber it.

Make sure she knows not to leave her drink unattended, has an idea of the location of the venue and where it's close to and give her a personal alarm.

mainstream clubbing in the city will be safer than clubbing as i did it at uni (drinking with speed/amphetamines out until 10am the next morning, club nights held in old buildings in quiet parts of the city, not enough money to get home).

she has to learn by doing and be prepared for drunk people, how to look after herself (drink spiking and staying with her group) and how to get home. Make sure she knows where taxi rank is etc or uber ready and has enough £££.

You do sound very overprotective and far more involved than you ought to be unless there is something you missed out.
Honestly, all she needs to know is what time to meet and think about how she'd get home - night tube/bus, last train times or apps like uber and bolt.
Soho is buzzing when i've been out on the weekends and i imagine more so during Halloween celebration weekend. I've left bars past midnight and there are still people queuing for them.

Ok well thanks. No she doesn't have SN. I am not trying to organise her. She said she was in two minds about going - and was really just talking it through not asking me to do anything. I'm very happy we have a close enough relationship we can talk about these kinds of things.
While she is fairly new to London she does take the tube daily and yes has dealt with the odd creepy guy and drunk football fans. It was the trip home I wanted them to have a plan for - like we arrive together we leave together. At 18 none of them are that experienced with clubbing, none of them know central London well.
I know I'm protective - but I also understand her uncertainty.
I was asking what clubbing was like these days and only a few have answered that.
As it happens a few of them met up last week, coming home late (and on the way home one of the girls asked my daughter to go her route as she didn't want to negotiate the bus then tube then train on her own). They have decided not to go for two main reasons: they have college the next day at 9am and a big project due that day.
I know you learn by doing, I really just wanted reassurance about the clubs and Soho in general. Not advise on how to parent my daughter.