To be worried/frustrated about my 9 year old’s sleep?

[HomeBird43]

She’s a night owl. My husband and I are also night owls so I do understand to a point, but it’s getting worse and worse.

She goes up to bed about eight, half eight on a school night, nine at the weekend. She’s allowed to play quietly
in her room for half an hour (usually lego or colouring) if she doesn’t feel like she’s tired. Then she goes to bed with her book/kindle or sometimes an audiobook.

She just won’t try to go to sleep. It doesn’t matter what I do, or how tired she is.

Last night she was still reading when my husband and I went to bed (around midnight). I had by the way taken her book off her and tucked back her in at several points through the evening. She just picks it (or another book) back up. I could hear her moving around until gone 1am. She’s still asleep now (have tried several times to waken her, but she’s not having it).

I am more relaxed at the weekend but she can be up till gone midnight on school nights too. It’s a NIGHTMARE getting her up in the morning and as a result school mornings are stressful as all hell (but once she’s up and ready, to be fair, she’s usually ok). So she usually gets about 8 hours of sleep on a school night?

Through the week she is tired. But it doesn’t matter how tired she is, she just won’t settle down and close her eyes and go to sleep. It’s like she doesn’t want to miss out on reading time or something.

She isn’t a particularly active child (she’s quite bookish, loves to read, Lego, craft etc but loathes any type of sport except swimming, which she does a couple of times a week). We have tried, she has tried club after club and just hates sport. But she can have days like yesterday when she’s busy and on the go all day with her friends but it just makes no difference.

it surely can’t be healthy for a 9 year old to be up until 11pm/midnight on a regular basis?? Are some of them just like that?? She’s doing well at school and her teacher has never noticed her being obviously tired or anything. Maybe she just doesn’t need that much sleep?

How worried do I need to be, I guess is what I’m asking.

Imagine you'll get a range of reactions, OP, but my 3rd DC is like this and we just go with the flow.
They need stimulation to fall to sleep such an audiobook or reading until they can't keep their eyes open any longer. Sometimes that's 9pm, other times closer to 11 on a school night.

If you see things changing like she isn't functioning well then maybe you introduce some strategies to try and bring in an earlier sleep time but seems like for now it's working for her.

If you speak to adults, the way in which people's sleep habits vary is massive. Children supposedly need x amount of sleep as per their age but this isn't prescriptive. Lean in to what you have in front of you and try not to compare. She's resting in her room at least and not running around the place so hopefully you get some quiet time in the evening too...

True. It does put a little bit of a crimp in our sex life because if she’s awake she could walk in at any time (and frequently does if we are in bed - she doesn’t tend to come downstairs much, but if we’re in bed she will
wander through if she’s feeling lonely or scared because the hall light is off etc) but not much to be done about that I suppose.

I did wonder if it’s just what works for her and we need to just go with it. Any tips for getting her up in the morning though that don’t involve a bucket of cold water..?

Mine’s like this and she’s only 7. She used to sleep in until 11am as a baby! She won’t sleep before 10pm and I imagine it will only get worse. Getting her up is ok but I always have to wake her for school. Dreading the teenage years but you can’t force sleep.

Oh this is reassuring to know there are others out there like this. My mum friends are always like oh no I wouldn’t be having that. Yet none of them have succeeded in telling me how I can literally make her go to sleep 🙄

I would look at sleep hygiene first, while the stimulation might have worked on one level it could be scuppering her now.

Perhaps changing the audio book for light classical music? Placing a low level night light in the hall. And a lock on your bedroom door!

Wow she sounds just like me at that age. To be honest shes just probably one of those people who doesn't need loads of sleep, and she does sound like a night owl too. Just try make sure that she's getting some sleep as I was up all night many occasions but was able to function. Even if she just lies down listening to an audio book but doesn't sleep, her body will still rest. Sorry can't be more help

My daughters have been like this. Physical exercise does help a bit but sometimes it’s just really hard for them to relax at night. I have tried a hot bath, warm milk and an audiobook. That can help.

A later bed time may help? Going to bed before she's tired may actually get her wound up and more unable to sleep. I'm not convinced you can really reset owls into larks any more than people who's kids get up at 5am can just make them sleep in. Working with it as best you can is the only option.

I think you are doing the right things but I would suggest identical routine every day including weekends and vacations. Up at 7am - go in, open the curtains, then after 5 mins go back in and switch on a light and start talking and moving around in the room.

She clearly isn’t getting the right amount of sleep/right timing if you can’t drag her out of bed.

I would also bring the bedtime routine an hour earlier. No devices in the bedroom - drop the kindle -physical books only. Or Read to her yourself - find something relatively unexciting and read that aloud.

sleep habits are likely any habits - you need a few months of consistency before a new behaviour becomes a habit

I wondered about the kindle. I bought it really for storage reasons - she has so many books they were taking up so much space. Is it really the same as screen time??

If you want to help her shift her body clock forward, she needs to be exposed to early morning light. You should also reduce late afternoon/evening light as it inhibits the production of melatonin needed for sleep. The more early light she sees, the earlier her circadian rhythm will shift.

I think if she's not getting enough sleep that should be your focus. There's nothing wrong with being an owl per se but I would worry that lack of sleep will affect her cognitively and emotionally further down the line.

I found out a lot about sleep from Dr Chatergees podcast - will try to find the guests. Some quick links here which summarise:

www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/morning-light-better-sleep

www.sleepfoundation.org/circadian-rhythm/can-you-change-your-circadian-rhythm