To just not enjoy motherhood right now?

[toddlermama99]

Let me start by saying, I love my 3 year old so much my heart could burst. But things have been so difficult since the moment I was pregnant!

I had an extremely roughly pregnancy including pre eclampsia, I was induced and my body went into shock during labour - we both almost lost our lives. He was in NICU whilst I was on a high care unit for adults for 10 days.

We came home and he had severe reflux, CMPA and colic. The first 6 months were constant, constant screaming it was hell!

This led to quite severe postnatal depression which I was medicated for at the time; then when my son was 9 months old I fell pregnant again whilst on the pill, I had an abortion and left my child’s father who was very emotionally abusive - so I became a single mother.

We were then homeless and managed to get a property but this was a very stressful time. Then at 1.5 years old my son had a very traumatic surgery which has left him physically disabled for life.

He’s 3 now and is able to walk short distances and things will continue to get better with time. But he is so so difficult to manage (I guess just a typical toddler, but it’s so so hard!) and the physical side of it is hard too because he’s extremely tall and heavy for his age so picking him up, lifting him in and out etc takes it’s toll on my back a lot.

I see everyone all the time posting things about how ‘motherhood saved them’ - well, tbh it broke me. I feel like there’s something wrong with me for not enjoying it like others do. I love my son so much and I do get a break whilst he’s at nursery but I have no family support (physically or emotionally) and it’s just so incredibly hard.

Does anyone else feel like this? Sometimes I feel so lonely and guilty for feeling the way I do.

I am not surprised you are not 'enjoying motherhood'. You have had a REALLY rough ride, and with no support either.

All I can say is - I hope things improve for you and your son. Once they start school, it does feel really different, so I hope things get a little lighter.

I agree. I hated motherhood. Got better as my son got older. But I didn’t enjoy it. Found it hard and boring. So ur not the only one.

it does get better, I found after the age of five when they can chat and u can do more things it gets better. But then u hit teenager and it gets hard again. All stages have pros and cons. But don’t feel bad. I bet loads of mothers on here would agree with u.

what I should have done was go back to work. Even if it was just to pay for the childcare. A break and some adult company would have been better.

Once he recovered from the surgery at around 2 (obviously he'll never fully recover, it was a leg amputation) things felt SO much better. But now we've hit the toddler tantrums and wow, I feel out of my depth! Just hanging on for better days. Every day he wraps his little arms around me and says 'you're the best mommy in the world' and it's the only thing that keeps me going atm!