To think I'm too cautious - cancelling plans sick kids

[QueenOfCarrotFlowers]

I have children aged under 5. They both have a cough, and are snotty. They both recently had hand, foot and mouth disease but recovered - then instantly got this cough.

Last year we ended up having no social plans from October into the new year, due to the kids being in a constant stream of illness. Although, that was a bit different as some of those were concerning at the time - e.g. strep at the time when there was that scare.

I am fairly certain that by the time they recover from this cough, they could well have another cold or similar.

They have been invited to a party, and were really looking forward to it having been fairly housebound for a few weeks.

It strikes me that when you go to parties, park, anywhere - there are often kids with a cough or cold. I am worried that my tendency to cancel plans, to stop others catching things, is unbalanced and just leading to my children missing out where other children would just still go along anyway?

I am wondering if the prospect of missing out on months of fun plans for my kids is worth making sure no other kids are exposed to their coughs or colds?

I'm not talking about more serious things here like fevers or rashes where I would definitely not take them. But when it's coughs or colds should I just take them anyway?

I'm trying to figure out where the line is for 'okay to play with other kids' and 'need to stay home'.

If your kids were meant to be going to a party, how would you decide if they were well enough to go? They are feeling fine/happy this is more about exposing other kids to coughs and colds.

If it's just a cold I would go.

Yeh coughs and colds we still go everywhere including parties! If your kids are at school or childcare they’ll be mixing loads anyway

Kids catch illness in school, at parties etc, life can’t just stop in the winter

I say this on all threads like this - you aren't stopping other kids getting these minor ailments because nobody else is cancelling their plans when they have a bit of a cold. All you're doing is spoiling your own plans.

A temp of 40c, vomiting, chicken pox or similar I would stay at home. If not then go out and about.

@GreenWheat this is what I'm beginning to wonder...

You are right to be cautious. The drive for 100% attendance in schools means people seem to have stopped caring about their children spreading illness but it shouldn't be that way. Not to mention that Covid damages your immune system so increases susceptibility to further illness.

Prioritise outdoor socialising over indoor. Keep your children healthy as long as possible. There's no such thing as building immunity through exposure to viruses, it's why we vaccinate, to avoid falling in with the virus in question.

I wouldn't make them miss things for a cough or cold as long as they were feeling well enough to go, didn't have a temperature and no suggestion of nausea / bad tummy.

No social plans for months isn’t proportionate, or fair on your kids. As the mother of two under 5s, I expect coughs and snot to be everywhere!

Cough or cold but otherwise well then they go to school and parties.
The school would be on my back about attendance if they didn't, in winter coughs can be relentless.

Calpol and off we go, most parents want it over and done with even with chicken pox

I wouldn’t make my kids miss out for a cold. If they had a temperature or were being sick, yes. Chicken pox, yes until scars are healed.

If they are I'll, eg lethargic, temperature for than 0.5 degree up, then keep at home, if they are otherwise well but with a runny nose (ideally not thick green!) or mild cough crack on.

There's a happy medium. I always went by their behaviour to a certain extent, don't drag a child off the sofa to go to a party but don't stop for every sniffle

I have a 4 year old and he pretty much has a constant cough and a bit of a snotty nose, as does every child in his class. I'm immunocompromised so if he was actually ill, I'd no doubt have caught it by now! So long as they're okay in themselves, I think it's fine.

For a PP, I'm nearly 40 and always was made to go to school when I had a cold (and once the flu). Vomiting or the time I fell down the stairs and gave myself concussion were the only times I missed school.

You’re going to miss out on an awful lot if you cancel for every cold and cough. Obviously if your own child is unwell in themselves or if it’s particularly bad (green snot, constant cough) cancel as your child isn’t well enough to attend. Otherwise let them enjoy themselves!! You aren’t responsible for other people and for parties you’d be hard pressed to find one where at least a couple of kids weren’t coughing or a bit snotty! My only caveat would be if you knew someone hosting was vulnerable to illnesses in some way then I’d probably miss as seems unfair to the host.

@Labradoodlie yes I think it's not fair. I think unless they have a temperature, vomiting or chicken pox, or COVID, I will take them if they seem up to it.

Our general rule, and the same one I had growing up, was if that you'd be considered well enough for school, you could go to parties/clubs/playdates etc if you wanted to.
If you weren't well enough for school, then you didn't do extracurriculars.