Paying for shopping

[Ophentru]

On holiday with a friend in her home country. She also brought her 2 year old and MIL who is British like me.

Each time we go out it's a bit of a 'race' to see who can offer to pay, like you have to get in quick and get your card out. Not sure if this is some sort of cultural thing but anyway, at first I was a bit slow as hadn't caught on to it but now I've got the hang of things and paid a few times. I intend to buy thank you meal on final night too to say thanks to family.

However in supermarket earlier where each of us bought a few bits like toiletries and snacks etc. I assumed each would pay for our own given these were more personal items rather than coffee or meal in restaurants.

Her MIL put her items on check out conveyor after my items and I put the separator bar between them. Friend saw me do this and made an exasperated face like she was annoyed and expecting me to pay for MIL items too.

Maybe I've not caught on to something else here too but wouldn't expect to pay for her MIL personal items. AIBU? Her MIL has paid for nothing so far and seems exempt from bill paying.

Time for a chat with your friend I think. “Sorry to ask but I can’t get the hang of paying customs here - when is it ok to pay for yourself or offer to treat others, and when not? I’m not hugely comfortable with the racing to pay for everyone thing.”

I do think you have to ask. It's fine for the MIL to not contribute if your friend has decided to cover her, but she doesn't get to decide that you can pay for her too, unless of course MIL is paying for accommodation then the waters are slightly muddied on this.

I drank conversation about who should pay for what probably should've taken place before the holiday but definitely needs to happen now!

A frank conversation, not drank.

MN needs to let us edit on the app!

That sounds awkward and tiring. At least if you chat with your friend about if you can enjoy your holiday without trying to mind read their expectations. Knowing what’s expected of you would be a relief and asking might be slightly uncomfortable but would probably be far less uncomfortable than aiming for an unknown target.

If the M-I-L is the same nationality as you, then surely she would know and respect this bill race paying is not the norm usually. Bit cheeky though that she’s not contributed, sounds like she’s taking the pee. If you have a comfortable enough relationship with her though, next time you’re out I’d be having a joke and saying ‘are the drinks on you tonight then?’ The only way I’d say it was fair, is if she’s paid towards anything for your holiday such as flights, transfers etc. Still this bill paying doesn’t seem fair to me with there being three of them you’re paying for when they only need to pay for one of you?