To want to go to Japan with DH?

[Satonmytuffet]

I've always wanted to visit Japan. Along with wanting to see the northern lights, the Great barrier reef, it's been one of my top 3 places I want to see (I love their food, cherry blossom, the hot spas... so many things).

BUT.. DH 's ex-wife was Japanese. He's been about 15 times to Japan. They were married for 3 years, knew each other for 6 years. And they divorced 8 years ago. There's no children and they never speak and she no longer lives in England. DH never speaks about her or that time in his life. He regrets the entire thing etc. None of my friends want to go to Japan with me as they say it's something they want to do with their own husbands. Same with both my sisters.

I don't really want to go alone. DH said he would feel weird going again but would go if I really wanted to go. Obviously I don't want him to feel weird. And a very tiny weeny part of me is scared it might reignite his interest in her/he might get in touch with her. But also, does that mean I'll never see such a cool country? AIBU to want to go with DH?

YABU - don't make him go
YANBU - it's fine, go with DH

I'm going to guess without looking that Japan is one of the safest places for travellers, particularly female ones. A solo trip (or solo-light with a group) could be really fun. www.gadventures.com/trips/discover-japan/AJDJ/

It would be nice to see it with him. But I always avoid going to countries with people who've lived there or visited a lot or speak the language fluently if I don't. Because you're not discovering it together.

Solo travelling is great. The only slightly difficult bit is the evenings. They can be long and lonely. But if you're a reader, or like early doors, you'll be fine.

How could a trip with you, with your own interests and passions, remind him of his ex? It's a blessing for you really, because he already knows the culture and it's many social rules. It will be like having a guide along, no? I highly doubt there will be a single negative. It might actually heal any lingering regrets he has. Experiencing something again in a different environment is a real form of therapy. So it can only be a good thing. Don't overthink it and just go together!

Go on your own. You'll love it.
It's an easy country to travel in. That way you can do exactly what you want.

He divorced her, not the country.

It might be weird for him initially but I would say go.

I’ve just spent a few days in Tokyo alone and I’m now about to join a group tour across Japan, haven’t felt a bit unsafe and it’s been super easy to travel exactly where I’ve wanted to go.
You can also book day/ walking tours if you want a mix of socialising and being able to do what you want.

I’d highly recommend going yourself if need be, life’s too short!

He's weird. But you should go. One life and all that.

Visit alone. Or join a tour (there are loads!).

I live here . It’s a great place to visit. Also enough places to go and visit that you can totally avoid any places that might be too close to your husband’s past. Last time I flew to England (at Christmas) I saw the northern lights from the plane, so you might even tick off two for the price of one!

I went to Tokyo for work for a week last year, without my husband, and absolutely loved it. I’m a wheelchair user and wasn’t even sure how I’d get on with that in a city where I didn’t speak the language and that isn’t overly renowned for its accessibility, but I found it a safe and welcoming place that I’d not hesitate to go back to.

While my husband has been to Japan separately, when we eventually go out there together - because it is very much on the list - we will create our own shared experience. His will be enhanced by the fact I can now hold a simple conversation in Japanese, which he can’t, mine by the fact that he’ll be able to help me access things I couldn’t on my own. And we’ll find things together that we can do that neither did on our previous visit.

There is a lot of Japan to see, and the chances are that your husband hasn’t seen everything, or might enjoy experiencing the places he has visited with a different person. I used to live in Paris with my French ex, so the city feels a bit “been there, done that” to me and not hugely exciting as a holiday destination, so I can kind of see where he’s coming from, but at the same time I’m not going to veto a trip to Paris with my husband and son on that basis. And in some ways it would be nice to reclaim the city from my past and create a new history.

I suppose I’m saying that I understand your husband, but that I don’t think it’s wrong for you to want to travel there with him. You’re a different person and he was last in Japan some years ago. But if he really doesn’t want to go back at all, you can travel safely alone or join a group while you’re out there and still enjoy it. You can genuinely leave your mobile phone on a table in a restaurant and not worry whether you’ll find it there when you come back from the loo, because the culture is just very different. And while a lot of people consider me vulnerable because of the wheelchair, I never once had reason to feel that way in Japan.

With or without DH, it’s definitely worth going.

Go on a cruise with DH that stops at a number of locations including Japan. Or do a G adventures trip alone.

But don't let the dream die, Japan has been my favourite place to visit. I also had it on my bucket list and it exceeded my expectations.