To teach DS responsible swearing?

[Viogner]

DS(11) has just started secondary school. He is my sweet, innocent baby.

This evening we watched Independence Day together and at the point at which they flew the missile into the mothership, he bounced up and down and shouted "YEAH! Nuke the fuck out of them!" Then, apparently dimly aware of the horrified looks on our faces, looked at me all wide-eyed and shrugged and said "what"?

Full disclosure: I LOVE a good hearty swear. When done well, I think swearing is both cathartic and potentially impactful. But it is a real skill. Used as punctuation it just becomes an irritating, aggressive noise.

So, I'm contemplating teaching DS how and when to swear. So, obviously, NEVER at school, NEVER in response to aggression and NEVER when there is no obvious benefit to it. But sometimes, just sometimes, there is a place for it...

Am I being unreasonable to introduce him to really GOOD examples of swearing (I'm so tempted to use The Thick of It but actually I think Monty Python is generally better) or is this terrible terrible parenting?

@CurlewKate - worth watching this about the etymology of cunt. Fabulous video that shares the feminist roots of my very favourite sweary.

My DD is 7 - she hears swear words sometimes, she knows about context, knows swearing at people isn't ok, is also learning that language can be colourful and fun. Doesn't ever use it, but probably will as she ages.

Helpful if I post the link

Rules for my kids at secondary age
Not in front of younger children
Not in earshot of adults
Not at other people

In my house I say strong moments or strong feelings deserve strong words. When DC go overboard I kindly remind them it's too much. Very easy! Nothing is off limits except words that degrade others. They know appropriate times and places for stronger words with my guidance. It's only been an issue when I had a baby with a 12 year gap between the youngest and I now have a 16mo who yells fuck! and oh shit! lol. 😅 Now we're trying to abstain until she's old enough to learn when & where.

@Tinkeytonkoldfruit
"worth watching this about the etymology of cunt. Fabulous video that shares the feminist roots of my very favourite sweary."

Only works if everyone has watched the same video!

Ds13 doesn't swear. His friends do and have asked him why he doesn't swear. We don't swear at all at home. Dd11 doesn't swear and she is part of three girls group where one swears but she and other girl don't.

Mine swear. Not in my presence and they've never been told off for doing so at school as far as I'm aware, but yes, like you, we've talked about why people swear and when. It's really not a big problem at all. I swear quite a lot around them, for example when my pocket tore because I'd caught it on the drawer handle, and have always explained the rules.

When me and db were kids were swore loads and watching programmes like the Young Ones on tv. Our parents weren’t English so it wasn’t a thing not to swear or be protected from swearing.
My dds don’t swear, they hear it, but are told not to use it at school or with friends. I’ve only ever heard my youngest say bloody and trust me they’ve heard worse come out of my mouth 😳

I had a conversation with DS as a young teen along the lines of 'I'm not stupid enough to think you don't swear when with your friends but I don't want to hear it' Seemed to work OK. DD never did swear and still doesn't. For context DH and I don't really swear either and nor did our parents.

So, I'm contemplating teaching DS how and when to swear. So, obviously, NEVER at school, NEVER in response to aggression and NEVER when there is no obvious benefit to it. But sometimes, just sometimes, there is a place for it...

YAB a bit U, and also exceedingly naïve to think he won't swear at school if he's already said 'fuck' at home Obviously you know your own child, and the fact that he's autistic may make a difference to this, but kids learn when to swear and not to swear without tutoring from their parents. I think a lot of kids, even at age 11, would find it desperately cringeworthy to be taught to swear by their parents. The whole point is that it's a transgression. It loses its appeal if you've been allowed to do it!

I think you are making a bit of a big deal of this. Most parents know their children hear swearing and swear themselves, most steer their children to be careful when they swear and it works out OK..

My asd D's swears like an absolute trooper at the computer, but never at any other time.

DS1 is Y6 and autistic and I’m beginning to have conversations in the car checking that he understands these things because he’s not necessarily going to learn it organically without causing serious offence. Not just swearing per se but general discussions about offensive words. The idea that someone can call themselves ‘fat’ (for example) but that you can’t then agree with them confused him mightily a few years ago (luckily in a theoretical conversation with me!).