My son's company is irritating me today. Help

[Gellhell]

He has a hacking cough he can't help. But he's had it all week and it's a really dramatic over the top cough. He's had it all week and it's getting on my wick.

He played football today. I took him, got his kit, made breakfast. His team won but because he personally didn't score a goal, he has been sullen all the way home.

I went to the allotment and beach to get seaweed ft said allotment today. I said if he helped me fill a bag of seaweed I'd get him an ice-cream. He didn't.

At the allotment he stood there chanting I'm bored over and over.

I've had enough of the little twat today. Am I a terrible human? Help.

Made me laugh! I have one on the cusp of 11 and he's turning into a right little article. Patronising one at that. I think it's a phase 🤞 .

I don’t think this is a case of the child being asked to be happy or to mask his feelings, rather being asked to accept that sometimes we have to be bored or do things that we don’t want to do without making the life of others a misery.

@Mumsanetta if the options were either stopping being miserable, appearing to stop being miserable or going to sit in the car, what message is that sending? Be happy, pretend to be enjoying yourself or go elsewhere...

@Q2C4 there’s a lot of daylight between “you must pretend to be happy” and “you can’t ruin someone else’s experience because you’re bored by repeatedly saying I’m bored”. I think it’s important to teach a child this nuance and that they must sometimes put others first otherwise they may well end up expecting every experience to be centred around their wants.

And if they really can’t do this, then yes, go elsewhere.

Adults do it all the time. Unless you sit in meetings going 'I'm bored I'm bored' then making the best of things that are not ultimately designed for your own specific entertainment is a good life lesson.

I don't feel it's too much to go to the allotment for an hour (with ice cream) after I've spent the whole morning transporting him to and spectating his football match. I do worry that unless something is centred around him, he can't deal with it.

@Q2C4 And how do you enforce that? You can't force him to do either.

If you haven't developed The Look by the time they are age 11, you've definitely failed as a mum.

Kids need to learn the world doesnt always revolve around their wants (not needs, wants) every second of the day. Or they grow up to become the entitled selfish arseholes that everyone else comes on Mn to complain about.

I do think that's normal. He won't appreciate you ferrying him around, he'll just see that as your job. They can't understand that driving isn't SO EXCITING, as if it's GTA. Probably be thinks he's doing you a favour in fact.
When I was a child, I had to fit in with whatever we were doing, nothing revolves around me. I think times have changed...

@WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning adults have agency - if they wanted to leave a work meeting, they could (and face the consequences, of course).

Yeah cos that's likely.

@WeighDownOnMeStayTillMorning indeed - few rarely do, but if someone was really that bored at work on a regular basis they could consider retraining & changing career path.

If you're 11 and you hate gardening but your parents love it, what can you do? Being taken to football training or whatever isn't a fair exchange from the kid's point of view - the adults chose to have the child and presumably want the child to play football or they wouldn't take him.

I entirely agree that children need to realize the world isn't all about them but you can't force them into realizing that by dragging them to things they don't want to do and expecting them to like it.

@Q2C4 “Bored at work on a regular basis” is not akin to your parent having you go to an allotment for an hour with an ice cream treat afterwards. If the kid was required to visit said allotment for an hour 5 days a week then, yes, I would sympathise. And choosing to retrain and change career path will, inevitably, involve an element of boredom. You cannot go through life avoiding boredom at all costs and to tolerate it you must experience it as a child.

@Mumsanetta presumably the allotment trip is a regular (boring) occurrence for him.

As far as I can tell he was tolerating the boredom, just in a way which OP found unacceptable (possibly boring?!).

I've never thought of my kids as 'little twats' or anything like it (teens and tweens) They all have their moments, but never a full day of them irritating me.