Things really bad between dh and I

[saddosam]

And I can't work out if it's just because of our current life situation (young dc, no help therefore no free time together) or maybe we just aren't compatible anymore.

We are awful to each other. I get overwhelmed and stressed with the amount of stuff I have to do and end up snapping at him. He doesn't respond well and we end up arguing. It's always a back and forth 'well I did x - what did you do?' sort of competition. The dc don't hear us arguing but I'm sure will have picked up on the bad atmosphere.

He's also pretty lazy and unmotivated when it comes to doing stuff. He doesn't think holidays/days out with dc are fun, just hard work. I guess he has a point but I don't want to stay in the house for the next 5 years and it's draining trying to gee him up to want to go out. I end up doing most stuff alone with the dc which is sad.

Our sex life has always been irregular but has gotten even less frequent lately because quite frankly why would we want to be intimate after a day of bickering and resentment? Life just feels like a slog with no enjoyment and the one person who is my support network is winding me up terribly. We still love each other but I feel like we don't like each other very much. He says he gets up dreading what kind of a mood I'll be in. This gets my back up because im only moody because of the lack of support, amount of stuff I have to do and absence of any romance/fun in life.

Will this pass? Dc is a toddler and full on. I also have a 12 year old from previous marriage. So there's lots of running around, tween moods and high school dramas going on there too.

I am in no position to split with him financially and I know deep down he's not a bad man. We are just in a really bad place and need some inspiration on how to improve things.

Bump

He says he gets up dreading what kind of a mood I'll be in. This gets my back up because im only moody because of the lack of support, amount of stuff I have to do and absence of any romance/fun in life.

Sorry you're feeling like this - have you told him this?

He needs to understand what a huge impact his laziness and lack of effort is having. If he doesn't sort it out then I don't see how your relationship could survive long term. It takes two putting the effort in to make a relationship work.

You need to communicate properly. Maybe write down how you feel/ points you want to address and arrange a sit down for a heart to heart snd propose solutions. It's really hard with a little one and sometimes I'm surprised my husband and I are still together.

I have tried to explain how I feel but to be honest I'm so tired, drained and frustrated that I can't even be bothered. Working on our relationship when he can be so pig headed just seems like another chore that I don't have time for.

Things weren't like this before our toddler came along because we had time to go out and do things together when older dc was with his dad. Dh has never been the most adventurous but we did do more things then. With our toddler we just never get a break, I think that contributes a lot to it. We feel like two people living in the same house just surviving in order to pay bills and look after kids.

You can’t just stay in all the time. The toddler needs stimulation and how can he expect the 12yo to dance to this depressing tune? Come on.

Saturday mornings you and your 12yo do something. Leave H at home with the toddler. Come back, have lunch, take toddler to the park. He can come if he wants. Just get on and do whatever. If it causes a row, so what. You’re rowing anyway. Take control.

Sorry I see you do do stuff alone with them. So it’s more about wanting him to be engaged. This is his failing, not yours.

Yeah I do try to do quite a lot with them but it's tricky because of them being such different ages. I would like him to be more engaged and to understand that it's not impossible to do things with toddlers! Yes it's hard work but plenty of people I know go on holidays and do things with their babies and toddlers.

I'm not blameless. I know I can be grumpy and vile towards him sometimes but I'm just so pissed off with his attitude and this depressing life.