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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL leaving stuff

13 replies

GiveMeMyBed · 21/10/2023 09:43

We don’t have a big house, I de-clutter often and have to be clever with storage to find a home for everything. We have a small extension, made into an office as I work from home. Also has a sofa bed for when MIL stays.

I love MIL and we get on well. Lives a few hours away, doesn’t drive, so comes on the train for a week or so every so often. Has a small suitcase and tries to pack light, I’ve offered to keep some things here so she has more room in her case or can pack even lighter.

However the amount of stuff is now ever increasing. First just a pair of slippers and some toiletries, now hangers, handbag, dressing gown, shoes, etc, etc, etc. How to politely say, that’s enough!

I also had some stuff in there for the boot of the car, like an emergency bag if we break down, that I was still putting together. Some bottled water, snacks and blankets, first aid kit. MIL has been helping herself, again I want to be polite.

OP posts:
Kitkat1523 · 21/10/2023 09:48

What’s wrong with her helping herself to snacks and water…..I would hate that my mum felt she had to ask for these things when she visits me

StBrides · 21/10/2023 09:53

Kitkat1523 · 21/10/2023 09:48

What’s wrong with her helping herself to snacks and water…..I would hate that my mum felt she had to ask for these things when she visits me

I think because she's taking them from the car emergency bag, not the kitchen.

Op you just need to tell her that you only have room for XYZ and to leave the emergency kit alone

Original poster
GiveMeMyBed · 21/10/2023 09:53

Nothing I guess. This was just specifically set aside for a reason. She can, and does, help herself to anything else in the house.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/10/2023 09:59

Would she know they were set aside? It is not like she went to the carboot presumably . You offered to keep her overnight things, perhaps if she leaves more ask her to take home next time. Do you ever visit so can take them back?

coodawoodashooda · 21/10/2023 10:01

That is so annoying

Inertia · 21/10/2023 10:01

Perhaps she thinks the snacks and drinks are for her, if they’re in the room she’s staying in?

How long does it take to put together a bag? Move the bag into your room, finish packing it, put it in the car.

In terms of MIL’s other stuff, can you get a dedicated storage box for her stuff so that she prioritises what goes in there?

Original poster
GiveMeMyBed · 21/10/2023 10:02

We go up less often as have 3 children and work. I did mention what the bag was. I just don’t want bits and pieces all
over on the room I’m trying to work from, but I want to make sure she still feels welcome.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 21/10/2023 10:11

Could you store her stuff while she is not there? Big cardboard box - nab one from you local supermarket maybe, (or a suitcase) and put all her bits and pieces in it. Just unpack and air before she arrives?

Or are you meaning when she is there and you are working from the same room she is sleeping in? I think if this is what you are meaning, then that makes it more difficult, but as it's only occasionally, then I would be tempted to put up with it.

AnSolas · 21/10/2023 10:11

Put your cag in the car now as its better to have a 1/2 done bag with you than a full one at home and add to it in the car.

Pick an encloseable space in the room for MIL's stuff (drawer/ zipable dust cover hanging bag/ box/ under bed storage etc etc) and ask her to limit her stuff to that space and that it is all packed away when she goes home.

LIZS · 21/10/2023 10:13

Allocate her specific space , cupboard , drawer, box so it limit what she can leave and keep it tidy,

Original poster
GiveMeMyBed · 21/10/2023 10:19

All sensible suggestions, I’m probably overthinking. I work from the kitchen when she is here so she has her own space.

OP posts:
saraclara · 21/10/2023 10:37

So you suggested that she leave stuff with you, and now you're annoyed that she has? Seriously, that list of stuff doesn't sound like very much to me (and both my kids live in tiny spaces so I'm well aware of space limited living)

As others have said, she needs a discrete and limited storage space, which is hers and hers alone, and in which she knows all her stuff needs to be placed when she leaves.

As for the car bag, explain again clearly, and/or attach a label to it that explains that the contents are not to be used.

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