Nothing changes for the man?

[sleepdeprivedma]

I'm posting on aibu for traffic

My DH great dad but let's be serious his life hasn't changed that much he still gets to do anything he wants tbh he doesn't have to worry about childcare ect if he wants to go out but I do he works all week so he doesn't get up in the night. He plans things in advance as he knows I'll be there I guess I'm just asking is this normal? Or have I let it slip we have a 8 month old and I'm now a sahm as dh makes enough but example tonight he's just told aw btw "I'm going out Sunday for football" no ifs or buts.
But me I'd have to ask if he was free or make sure there was someone to look after DS is this the norm FTM here

Yes, it's very normal for sexist men who think that children are the mother's responsibility by default. Of course, not all men are like that.

How does the wider dynamic in your relationship work? What's the set up that leads him to view you as the default parent? And what can you do to break that?

Things should have changed for you both. What would he say if you told him you were going out on Saturday night. Or for lunch with friends and he has the baby?

Not a lot changed for my ex because he's a twat and I was young and stupid. I found it much easier as a single parent because I didn't expect any thing from him now so didn't feel unsupported and let down.

Oh, I've just seen that you're a sahm. I guess that's your answer then. You have set yourself up as the default parent essentially.

Tbh, it sounds like that's how you see things yourself as well... you said that you're a sahp "because he makes enough", as if that's the most natural thing in the world. It sounds like you have both bought into the idea that he is the default breadwinner and you are the default parent.

It isn't how I would choose to organise my relationship, but it seems to work for some couples. If you're not happy with the balance of responsibilities, then you'll need to renegotiate, but bear in mind that he might be less inclined to accept the default provider role if you're resisting being the default parent.

Nothing might have changed for your man, but as a heavily involved Dad my life before DC was very different to my life now