Page 2 | Is hiring a doula a rip off?

Whyisthissohard96 · 2023-10-20T21:58:50+00:00

In the last few months I have noticed quite a lot of advertisements for Doulas in my local area. I have an 8 month old daughter and whilst I was pregnant I was aware they existed, but thought they were just something celebrities got. I don’t live in a particularly affluent area. I am always out and about at pram walks and baby groups and none of the mums I have ever spoken to hired one either. I would think you would have to be really quite wealthy to consider getting one, or really nervous of birth and postpartum? I was looking at a website and she charges £2k for the birth alone, obviously she would have to be on call for weeks, it could be a very long labour, and then I think some time postpartum was given to help establish breastfeeding. Any further sessions postpartum are an additional fee (obviously this is just one website, other Doulas could be priced totally differently). What happens if she has 2 clients giving birth at the same time? My daughter was premature due to restricted growth, I had a c section so never experienced labour, if had paid for a doula I don’t think I would have got my money’s worth. Has anyone had a doula? Are they worth the cost? Not slagging off Doulas or anyone who has used them, just genuinely interested.

NameChange30 · 21/10/2023 13:16

USaYwHatNow · 21/10/2023 12:59

TW discusses baby loss:

Doulas are an invaluable resource if you can afford them. They can help you at home to prepare for the birth, have birth support packages on offer and can also assist you postnatally.

Doulas are not medically trained however, so they can absolutely help you to advocate for yourself, but they are not licenced to, and must not offer medical advice. I would also suggest doing your own research around your birth choices, especially if they differ from NICE/local hospital guidance, so that you're fully informed of all risks and benefits of each decision, as well as the risks and benefits of choosing to 'do nothing' as an option.

I'm a midwife, and have worked alongside some amazing Doulas who were calm, thoughtful and respectful in that they knew their limitations, and would help us explain medical terms/procedures in a way that their clients understood.

I have however also worked alongside some downright dangerous Doulas, who actively encouraged a technical freebirth and refused midwives and paramedics entry to the bathroom where a mother was delivering her baby (which is actually illegal). Another where a mother was desperate for a waterbirth and refused all monitoring including monitoring of the fetal heart as the Doula had managed to persuade the mother she didn't need it, despite us explaining to her that there was thick meconium in the waters. By the time we got a CTG on we could see it was too late. Baby was born into the water, went up to mum and the Doula physically barred medical staff from cutting the cord and attempting to resuscitate the baby. The mum was obviously just so brainwashed by this woman that she let her. It was awful.

So they can absolutely be amazing as helpful aides but I would educate yourself on their roles and responsibilities and what they're legally allowed to offer, so you are adequately prepared to challenge them should the need ever arise.

Those "doulas" sound awful and I hope you reported them. Assume they were not registered with Doulas UK.

All the doulas I've come across have been in the first category you've described.

Strokethefurrywall · 21/10/2023 13:20

I had a doula for DS1 because I was aiming for a hypnobirth and we live overseas.

DH had no idea what he was doing, and I wanted another person in the room to advocate for me in case DH couldn't read between the lines.

She was absolutely wonderful, very much like my own mum in terms of her personality and warmth and she helped direct us both - gave me massages, helped me labor in the bath, recognised the signs when I was in transition and called the OBGYN to the room for examination. Because of her I didn't panic, she explained what was going on, she spoke for me and she spoke to me but all the while staying out of the way when it came time for OBGYN to deliver the baby.

After the birth she helped with lactation and various nursing positions (baby was tiny and I had massive jugs) and came to visit a week after baby arrived to see how I was getting on.

Didn't have her with DS2 as it was an epidural birth with a potential C-section so I knew I didn't need any coaching.

I still hug her when I bump into her out and about!

justjeansandanicetop · 21/10/2023 13:22

If it works, I think they can be wonderful.

However, it often just doesn't work out. As you say, they are on call for a long period, I've known of cases where they just can't be there / haven't got there in time / unexpectedly have two women delivering at same time.

Also, it is an unregulated industry so some of them are absolute charlatans and can be downright dangerous.

I have known some ex midwives who have become doulas and I can absolutely see how having them by your side would be invaluable.

But it is expensive, so I guess it would depend on how comfortably you could afford it, and if you had any other options, and also how much you clicked with the doula.

theduchessofspork · 21/10/2023 13:24

USaYwHatNow · 21/10/2023 12:59

TW discusses baby loss:

Doulas are an invaluable resource if you can afford them. They can help you at home to prepare for the birth, have birth support packages on offer and can also assist you postnatally.

Doulas are not medically trained however, so they can absolutely help you to advocate for yourself, but they are not licenced to, and must not offer medical advice. I would also suggest doing your own research around your birth choices, especially if they differ from NICE/local hospital guidance, so that you're fully informed of all risks and benefits of each decision, as well as the risks and benefits of choosing to 'do nothing' as an option.

I'm a midwife, and have worked alongside some amazing Doulas who were calm, thoughtful and respectful in that they knew their limitations, and would help us explain medical terms/procedures in a way that their clients understood.

I have however also worked alongside some downright dangerous Doulas, who actively encouraged a technical freebirth and refused midwives and paramedics entry to the bathroom where a mother was delivering her baby (which is actually illegal). Another where a mother was desperate for a waterbirth and refused all monitoring including monitoring of the fetal heart as the Doula had managed to persuade the mother she didn't need it, despite us explaining to her that there was thick meconium in the waters. By the time we got a CTG on we could see it was too late. Baby was born into the water, went up to mum and the Doula physically barred medical staff from cutting the cord and attempting to resuscitate the baby. The mum was obviously just so brainwashed by this woman that she let her. It was awful.

So they can absolutely be amazing as helpful aides but I would educate yourself on their roles and responsibilities and what they're legally allowed to offer, so you are adequately prepared to challenge them should the need ever arise.

Bloody hell.. was she prosecuted?!

justjeansandanicetop · 21/10/2023 13:27

USaYwHatNow · 21/10/2023 12:59

TW discusses baby loss:

Doulas are an invaluable resource if you can afford them. They can help you at home to prepare for the birth, have birth support packages on offer and can also assist you postnatally.

Doulas are not medically trained however, so they can absolutely help you to advocate for yourself, but they are not licenced to, and must not offer medical advice. I would also suggest doing your own research around your birth choices, especially if they differ from NICE/local hospital guidance, so that you're fully informed of all risks and benefits of each decision, as well as the risks and benefits of choosing to 'do nothing' as an option.

I'm a midwife, and have worked alongside some amazing Doulas who were calm, thoughtful and respectful in that they knew their limitations, and would help us explain medical terms/procedures in a way that their clients understood.

I have however also worked alongside some downright dangerous Doulas, who actively encouraged a technical freebirth and refused midwives and paramedics entry to the bathroom where a mother was delivering her baby (which is actually illegal). Another where a mother was desperate for a waterbirth and refused all monitoring including monitoring of the fetal heart as the Doula had managed to persuade the mother she didn't need it, despite us explaining to her that there was thick meconium in the waters. By the time we got a CTG on we could see it was too late. Baby was born into the water, went up to mum and the Doula physically barred medical staff from cutting the cord and attempting to resuscitate the baby. The mum was obviously just so brainwashed by this woman that she let her. It was awful.

So they can absolutely be amazing as helpful aides but I would educate yourself on their roles and responsibilities and what they're legally allowed to offer, so you are adequately prepared to challenge them should the need ever arise.

This is dreadful and is along the lines of the doulas I was referring to in my previous post.

Horrific. That poor woman and baby.

Lovelyweatheragain · 21/10/2023 13:28

Comedycook · 21/10/2023 12:00

I always assumed they were for women who literally had no one else...so no mum, sister, aunty, friend combined with no/useless partner.

I hired one as my DH is great in many ways but a fairly crap birthing partner. When I had DC2 he was much more useful staying with DC1 while the doula was my birthing partner. She was wonderful. I also had a postnatal doula both times round, who basically did all the stuff (and more!) a really amazing mum would do. Held the baby while I slept, made me amazing food, did laundry etc. A postnatal doula is an absolute godsend in my opinion

Paperbagsaremine · 21/10/2023 13:28

A friend had one for her second baby, for the very pragmatic reason that it was a VBAC and they were willing to go the extra mile to avoid a CS and not being able to lift anything for six weeks plus.

Think she might have been a qualified midwife but can't remember. Even around the turn of the century maternity services were stretched, so having someone clued up with you all the time who had your back...

justjeansandanicetop · 21/10/2023 13:29

@theduchessofspork they can't be prosecuted as it's an unregulated industry.

This is why they can be so dangerous.

AceofPentacles · 21/10/2023 14:02

My doula was crap, I was single and pregnant with no support, as soon as it was confirmed I would have a c section she lost interest and I hardly saw her in the postnatal weeks as she said she "wasn't a babysitter" because I had wanted to get out of the house after 11 weeks at home on my own with a newborn .

MammaTill2Pojkar · 21/10/2023 14:03

justjeansandanicetop · 21/10/2023 13:22

If it works, I think they can be wonderful.

However, it often just doesn't work out. As you say, they are on call for a long period, I've known of cases where they just can't be there / haven't got there in time / unexpectedly have two women delivering at same time.

Also, it is an unregulated industry so some of them are absolute charlatans and can be downright dangerous.

I have known some ex midwives who have become doulas and I can absolutely see how having them by your side would be invaluable.

But it is expensive, so I guess it would depend on how comfortably you could afford it, and if you had any other options, and also how much you clicked with the doula.

My first doula was very professional about it, booked me for 4 weeks around my due date (as in able to attend to me at any time during those 4 weeks, no risks of conflicts with other births), as it happened she was due to go on holiday with her family just after my due date (something like camping so it was a bit flexible) so just in case she introduced me to a second doula she sometimes worked with who would come in case she couldn't make it. She put off her holiday for a couple of days in hope of baby coming (he came at 41+2) and called me asking if I thought there were any signs off him coming before she finally headed on holiday, I said no so she went and of course labour started a day or so later. But it was fine, we just called in her backup doula instead and she came out and attended the birth with me, they both came to the debrief meeting after he was born. No extra cost to us, the original doula paid the backup doula out of her pay from us. I also forgot to take some colostrum out of the freezer when we left for the hospital, but my doula was happy to pop back and grab some for us, very handy.

Universalsnail · 21/10/2023 14:14

No not a rip off at all. I hired a doula for my last birth. I wanted to try a vaginal birth again after one very traumatic vaginal where I wasn't advocated for at all and one C-section for tokophobia. I didn't manage the vaginal birth in the end but she was so supportive and helpful and my experience was completely different. I felt very supported up to and after the birth. I wish I had hired one for my first birth.

I do think you have to really research your doula though and find one who is a good fit for you. the doula I chose was highly recommended and was an ex-midwife.

Doggbert · 21/10/2023 17:27

I'm another midwife working in a town with,IMO, good maternity services and an established homebirth service. I have worked with some great doulas who have been amazing support to their clients and I count one as a friend. But sadly there are several local doulas who are increasingly dangerous, almost competitively it seems. One baby died recently after a free birth with a doula and we've had several near misses: any damage to the babies brains may not be known for some time. Women who hire these doulas will have almost identical birth plans, which will state no or minimal fetal heart monitoring, no direct interaction with the woman (any information to be communicated to the doula first), and no examinations. The women who have hired these doulas have had proportionally worst outcomes than those who had the just the community midwives and their partner and /or friend supporting them.

Sadly, maternity services are severely lacking in some areas, as other posters have noted, and a great doula could be worth the money but please run a mile from any that encourage the above type of birth plan as they prioritise the place of birth or type of birth over the well-being of mother and baby. (Name changed for geographical reasons)

justjeansandanicetop · 21/10/2023 20:05

Doggbert · 21/10/2023 17:27

I'm another midwife working in a town with,IMO, good maternity services and an established homebirth service. I have worked with some great doulas who have been amazing support to their clients and I count one as a friend. But sadly there are several local doulas who are increasingly dangerous, almost competitively it seems. One baby died recently after a free birth with a doula and we've had several near misses: any damage to the babies brains may not be known for some time. Women who hire these doulas will have almost identical birth plans, which will state no or minimal fetal heart monitoring, no direct interaction with the woman (any information to be communicated to the doula first), and no examinations. The women who have hired these doulas have had proportionally worst outcomes than those who had the just the community midwives and their partner and /or friend supporting them.

Sadly, maternity services are severely lacking in some areas, as other posters have noted, and a great doula could be worth the money but please run a mile from any that encourage the above type of birth plan as they prioritise the place of birth or type of birth over the well-being of mother and baby. (Name changed for geographical reasons)

Yes, this is what I have encountered as well.

There is also an instagramming doula who bangs the drum for "no intervention, it's your right to refuse it" and in my opinion is very dangerous.

She has a large following and it's like an echo chamber of women chanting "I know my rights, I can refuse to be examined!"

Yes, it is your right, absolutely, but it can also be incredibly dangerous and to the detriment of your child.

I think she blurs the line between offering support, and offering medical advice, which she absolutely cannot and should not do.

justjeansandanicetop · 21/10/2023 20:06

Further to the below, this doula has herself had two c section births. She goes on about how "it was the right decision for me, I was informed and I made my choices and I am happy with that" but encourages women to have a completely natural birth with absolutely no examinations, intervention, or pain relief.

LolaSmiles · 21/10/2023 20:10

I wish I knew postnatal doulas were a thing when I had DC.

This might get hate but I'd assumed doulas were for yummy mummy types who wanted to make sure that everyone in the room never said "contraction" only twee words like "feminine sensations and surges" and they got the water birth experience they'd spent 9 months planning. Most I'd looked at our of curiosity seemed to be very much into pregnancy yoga, home births, freebirths, hypnobirthing, mummy knows best etc so that only added to my ignorance.

Having spoken to different people I can see why having someone there who knows birth but isn't a clinician and is only there to support the mother could be powerful

lordloveadog · 21/10/2023 20:13

I had a doula with second birth after appalling hospital treatment around first.

Not someone fluffy (or downright stupid like the free birth nutters described above). But a kind and tough woman who was there to advocate for me.

Pretendthatwearedead · 21/10/2023 20:21

It does sound like somebody chancing their arm like a 'life coach' or a 'wardrobe organizer'.

DuckonaBike · 21/10/2023 20:30

I had a doula for the births of both my DC and she was great and really supportive. Also after DC1 was born I had to be stitched up in surgery so I was taken away for a while, and DH was really glad she stayed with him and newborn DC so he wasn’t left in charge of the baby all alone!

I also had a (different) post natal doula after DC2 as DH was working very long hours, and she was invaluable - she would come for a day a few times a week, look after both DC while I had a nap, do a bit of tidying or food prep and just took the pressure off while being much cheaper than a full time maternity nurse.

Horrified by some of the doula stories here though - you clearly need to choose carefully!

Summermeadowflowers · 21/10/2023 20:35

I can remember posting here when I was in hospital with DS, nearly three years ago. I had gone in for an induction which failed. I’d been left in a ward alone for over twelve hours strapped to a bed.

Everyone was lovely but the answers were almost all … soon it won’t matter, you’ll have your baby.

It did matter. So many times we hear this, that no matter how horrific your experience was or how painful or traumatic, if your baby was born healthy it does not matter. It does matter.

phoenixrosehere · 21/10/2023 20:38

lordloveadog · 21/10/2023 20:13

I had a doula with second birth after appalling hospital treatment around first.

Not someone fluffy (or downright stupid like the free birth nutters described above). But a kind and tough woman who was there to advocate for me.

Exactly.

Mine was a reasonable, calm person and we automatically clicked when I interviewed her.

I’m an easy patient. I just want to not be treated like an idiot or being ignored or dismissed when asking questions about the things being done to me.

I do admit the assumption that using certain techniques to cope with labour makes you xyz is silly. I wouldn’t consider myself a free birther or hippy by any means but I found hypnobirthing extremely helpful and used it in my pregnancies, labours, postnatally, etc. I know it is not for everyone but for someone like me who uses breath work as a technique for many things, it helped me a lot in coping with the pain.

lordloveadog · 21/10/2023 20:45

Oh yes, I was having a homebirth. With pool and visualization techniques and all the jazz. Don't at all mean to imply anything derogatory about alternative (but well-evidenced) birthing routes.

But I wanted a hard nosed advocate for a risky life event, not someone full of fluffy moonshine and hopefulness. And chose doula on that basis. And she was really good.

phoenixrosehere · 21/10/2023 20:48

lordloveadog · 21/10/2023 20:45

Oh yes, I was having a homebirth. With pool and visualization techniques and all the jazz. Don't at all mean to imply anything derogatory about alternative (but well-evidenced) birthing routes.

But I wanted a hard nosed advocate for a risky life event, not someone full of fluffy moonshine and hopefulness. And chose doula on that basis. And she was really good.

Oh yes, I was having a homebirth. With pool and visualization techniques and all the jazz. Don't at all mean to imply anything derogatory about alternative (but well-evidenced) birthing routes.

You didn’t. :-)

It was mentioned by a few previous posters.

Valeriekat · 19/03/2025 11:07

JMSA · 21/10/2023 12:20

Are they even medically qualified? I don't get it.

No they are not.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 19/03/2025 11:37

Sleeplessinseattle234 · 21/10/2023 12:33

I was okay during the birth as I do stand up for myself. I would have spent the money on after care though. Someone to help with baby. Making bottles. Cook meals. That would have been a godsend . I would pay a lot for that again

I stand up for myself. I did so repeatedly in advance of the birth.

Because the pressing issue for me was family history of precipitous labour. All the avenues they were pushing me down (induction) were likely to INCREASE the risks they were trying to avoid.

But when I went from 2cm to 10cm dilated in 20m and full labour lasted 90m, there wasn't a whole lot of time to stand up for myself.

Not that a doula would have helped, she'd probably have been stuck in the storm outside.

arcticpandas · 19/03/2025 11:38

Does the doula come in a package with the snake oil and herbal remedies? Sorry but a doula is just wealthy people buying a handhold which ofcourse if you got the means and feel you need why not.