To move away from family and young adult DC to pursue my dream?

[ScoobyDoesnt]

Brief summary: I’m F51 and divorced with 2 young adult DC living at home, one working FT, one at local uni due to graduate next summer. Mum and siblings / their children live locally to me now.

Have a great job working 4 days a week earning £60k plus commission/bonus, own my house mortgaged with c£200k equity (relevant later). Mainly work from home, with maybe 4-5 days in London a month.

DC1 will be moving in with partner next year, DC2 could end up working anywhere when graduated. Both have a good relationship with their DDad who lives locally.

There’s a part of the UK I’ve been visiting since I was a child and absolutely love. I’ve been 4 times this year, and get grumpy when I come home! My absolute dream is to move there, potentially have my own cafe or similar business (currently work in leisure and hospitality) and be able to spend my time in a place I love, on the coast, quite touristy but not to the extent of what I perceive in say Cornwall.

My AIBU: should I sacrifice good job / income and moving away from family / DC (it’s about 3 hours drive) where I could buy a cheaper property with a smaller mortgage and run my own business. Plan would be to do so next year. Or am I being selfish?

I would say go for it.

Do it. It’s not like you’re moving to Australia and (without being morbid) you might not have decades left to do it. Be aware that running your own business is no walk in the park but if you go into it with your eyes open and do your research then why not!

I don’t know. I see setting up a cafe as a sort of retirement job. I’ve met people who were semi retired who did that. Might you get bored? That kind of work is very easy. If you’re on 60k for a 4 day week your job must be high level and complex. There’s no work in coastal towns. If the cafe doesn’t work would you be alright working in the job centre? The equivalence of job role does not really exist. Wages are also lower.

I live somewhere you are describing, the reality it is very hard to make a business work and I see lots come and go. I would go for it but would seek a different type of employment

I think it's fine to do it, but how will you feel if your DC settle down and have children and you're 3 hours away? Do you have friends in this coastal town? Have you thought about the challenges of running your own business?

Does your ex partner live in London? Having a base in London has been invaluable for my DCs and their peers.

Absolutely go and pursue your dream.
I would expect your adult DC will enjoy visiting and, at 51, you have years to make a life in a new area. If you don't do it, I suspect you will spend the next few years thinking "What if..." and by 60 a big move may be harder to contemplate.

I think you need to think about what you’d be giving up as much as what you might be gaining. A cafe sounds tough in this economy, though I see you have experience. I made a move to the coast, but took a job at a similar salary. It’s lovely but I still think about the things I left behind to do it.

I have 2 friends who did this. One stayed 5 years but struggled making the business work and ended up selling up and moving back to where they had moved from.
The other are still there. A couple. Working minimum wage jobs as their business folded and there is no other work available in a seaside small town.

I wouldnt say no but do think you need to have a proper, well thought theough plan. Some things to think about: What would you do for work there if the business folded? How much in savings do you have to invest in a business? What's your pension situation?

If you are really keen, then you need to have a solid business plan, one that isn't optimistic. You also really need to think about cash flow as this is why most small businesses fail.

You also need to be realistic about your children. How much are you really going to see them? Is the 3 hours by car and do they drive, for instance? It's not like you will be able to visit much especially in the first couple of years of a new business.

I think this is a pipe dream. Have you actually figured out how much a cafe makes in a cost of living crisis? Eating in a cafe is one of the first things that people give up.

You have to think of your financial security, OP. Really, really seriously think about it.

I'm not saying don't move there, if that's what you want, but I really do think you should give up on this romantic idea of running a cafe.

Thank you all.

I’m acutely aware hospitality is far from easy (from experience), probably one of the worse affected industries in covid. I wouldn’t earn what I do now, but would have less personal overheads and be in a place I love. I had experience running a business before, and have accountancy qualifications I don’t currently use. I’m lucky to also have some back up £s in the bank, and if it didn’t work out I’d look for alternative work; I feel like I’m very well placed to almost semi retire if needs be and I’ve considerably reduced costs especially mortgage.

I could potentially cut my current job hours to still gain an income as I do predominantly work remotely. Currently located c 45 min train from London. New location would be c4 hours

Location is seasonal, but there are locals and some tourists all year. I would say typical main season is Easter to October half term, plus Xmas/new year.

My main concerns are:
Family
Distance away from them
Making a business work
Hiring staff especially out of season
Not knowing anyone in the location and no local support (at least to start with)
To worry about ‘what if’ if don’t do this in the next 2 years, due to age

If I were you, I would do a full decade business plan and do a worst case scenario analysis.

Get as much logic detail as possible. See what financial accounts you can get from the companies office. See what costs local similar businesses have. What's the minimum breakeven a week.

I wouldn't do it unless you already have enough pension and savings to cover you if it fails.

I would move and WFH if the location is important to you.

Sorry, took a while to post that, so have missed a couple of posts.

Cafe is just an example as I have semi related experience. I could just move and get a ‘normal’ paid employment potentially.

I’m fortunate to have a good pension from my very first employment (financial services sector) which I accumulated across 14 years, plus have pensions in 2 subsequent jobs, plus next year will have accumulated enough NI for full state pension.

Both DC drive.

I think @ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees has it. It’s the location that does it really. And I can work remotely. One of my bosses lives in Scotland and works there and down to London for 2-3 days every 2-3 weeks. He’s further away than I would be.

I think yabu without doing proper research first - depending on the area there may not be enough custom to support another business.

I can’t comment on the business aspect of things but location-wise, three hours is nothing. My parents are about that far away and I see them probably 7-8 times a year, for at least a weekend at a time, so good quality time. It’s not Australia, and life is too short!

can You cut your hours and move to your dream location and just suck up the London trip when you have to go there?

running a cafe is not a part time job.

Move, rent, keep your job and work remotely. Get a part time job in a local cafe for a year. After that you will be in a better position with regards to experience and also know more people socially to decide if you want to completely change your life to life there.

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate it.

The reality is, of course, I do have a decent and very flexible job currently, which I do enjoy to a certain extent. And get long weekends as I work Monday to Thursday!

Having my own business would be a dream, but also I'd be working likely 6-7 days a week for likely much less. Although would be substantially cutting my overheads.

The crux of it is, it's the location really. A place I truly love and now spend a lot of time in, close to the coast, walks, history, outdoors and so on. If I move down there and it doesn't work out, I move back. With still having a job, and so on. Having a business would completely tie me.

Glad I posted here for a sense check!

Part of the reason you love the place because it isn't home- there isn't work or responsibility or chores when you visit.

I live somewhere that people move to, because on holiday it is fantastic but then find that it isn't what they expect.

Running your own business is a hard slog, the hours the responsibility. We get lots that open b&bs and cafes but they don't last.

I'd want to check the finances/business aspect but, otherwise, I'd say definitely do it! You can't be tied to other people for your whole life, and you have to be happy with where you're living. And a 3 hour journey is nothing.

Would it not make more sense to move there but keep your job? Continue to work remotely and go in every few weeks.

3 hours is nothing really.

@Gnomegnomegnome that’s where’s my thought process is now. London maybe 2 days a week every 2 weeks is doable if I diary plan well.

@Ducksurprise I do get what you’re saying. I do actually ‘work from home’ there when I go down sometimes, so for example last month I went Friday to the Sunday 9 days later, so worked 4 days and had 4 days me time (excluding travel days). So it was a bit of a balance of both.

No rash decisions yet!

Do you have enough funds to move to desired area, buy a property with a big enough shed and invest in a food truck/caravan type thing?

Then you could still keep your job and do your foodie thing without the commitment of fixed premises and overheads.