To have your child treat you?

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 19/10/2023 18:54

That's lovely

Don't see the problem at all!

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 19/10/2023 18:54

I would never, ever expect DS to spend his birthday or Christmas money on me and would certainly never ask. He’s 14 now though and has a Saturday job and absolutely loves being able to offer to treat me to a drink or whatever if we go to town. I feel bad though and usually suggest a Mc Flurry. It’s nice that he’s so lovely 🥰.

determinedtomakethiswork · 19/10/2023 18:55

I agree with you, it's not her money! It's her daughter's money. People have given it to her to spend on herself not on her mother's coffee.

Sirzy · 19/10/2023 18:55

I think it’s lovely that the child gets a chance to feel they are doing something nice for the parent.

CarrickBends · 19/10/2023 18:56

children love being in this position! I always did!

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU to spend the money at Costa though

AllegroConMoto · 19/10/2023 18:56

Is the child suggesting it or the mother?

If it comes from the child I think it’s fine. I loved buying things for parents and grandparents at that age.

Original poster

pirateeilish · 19/10/2023 18:56

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 19/10/2023 18:54

I would never, ever expect DS to spend his birthday or Christmas money on me and would certainly never ask. He’s 14 now though and has a Saturday job and absolutely loves being able to offer to treat me to a drink or whatever if we go to town. I feel bad though and usually suggest a Mc Flurry. It’s nice that he’s so lovely 🥰.

See I think that’s lovely and the fact is he’s offered it. i used to love buying my mum a coffee when we’d go shopping when I started earning my own money.

OP posts:

Original poster

pirateeilish · 19/10/2023 18:57

AllegroConMoto · 19/10/2023 18:56

Is the child suggesting it or the mother?

If it comes from the child I think it’s fine. I loved buying things for parents and grandparents at that age.

No the mother is suggesting her daughter buy her a coffee.

OP posts:

CalistoNoSolo · 19/10/2023 19:00

It's not about the child wanting to do something nice, its about the child being guilted into doing something nice. I think it's an arsehole thing to do to a child. Raise them right and they will want to treat you without any games or stupid low grade blackmail.

AllegroConMoto · 19/10/2023 19:05

pirateeilish · 19/10/2023 18:57

No the mother is suggesting her daughter buy her a coffee.

Show quote history

In that case I think the mother IBU. Might be different if it was a teenager negotiating for a lift or something, but for a child of that age you don’t expect them to pay for their parent’s drink.

OhNoForever · 19/10/2023 19:08

I don't think it's a bad thing to encourage your kids to see you as a human who might like treating tbh. All very well for those saying the mum suggested it but that's how we teach our kids!
It's a Costa, not a meal out.

WarmSunnySkies · 19/10/2023 20:24

YANBU. I think some people voting are unclear that it's actually the mother asking her child to pay for a Costa - to me, that's very odd behaviour. I would never ever ask my son to spend his own money on me, nor did/do my parents even now as an adult, it's always our choice when we treat each other. That's what makes it a treat.

It would be a different story if the little girl was doing it without being coerced, I think it's a bit cruel to guilt your child into spending their gift money on you.

BulbasaurBloom · 19/10/2023 20:28

I think this is how you raise a child that sees their parents as human and worth a bit of a treat. I’m sure the parent ‘pays back’ the £7 with a toy or hobbies at another time!!

just thinking about all the tragic threads where mum clearly comes last and gets fuck all for Mother’s Day or her birthday.

i see nothing wrong with the scenario you describe.

Sweetlily99 · 19/10/2023 20:30

Yanbu if the mother suggests it - that's a cheeky F
Yabu if the child suggests it. It's a lovely gesture.

I would accept my child's offer (and then give them the money back in a different way)

Noicant · 19/10/2023 20:40

Thats really mean and it’s setting up an unhealthy dynamic. It feels a bit like a shake down on a small kid. I think if you want your child to treat you like a human you do it through enforcing boundaries around behaviour, setting expectations around kindness etc. you don’t do it by making a kid feel like they HAVE to give you something. I’d be delighted if my child offered out of the blue, I wouldn’t “suggest” she buy me anything.

I’ve seen quite a few threads where adult children are expected to cough up for petulant parents and this is kind of thing is probably where it starts.

KrisAkabusi · 19/10/2023 20:57

I think some people voting are unclear that it's actually the mother asking her child to pay for a Costa

So everyone that disagrees with you is too stupid to understand the question? I voted she's being unreasonable because I don't think it's a bad thing to teach your child that it's nice to do things for other people.

Lavender14 · 19/10/2023 21:00

I think this is lovely IF the child suggests that's what they want to do with some of their money. I don't think it's lovely for a parent to essentially emotionally manipulate a child into buying things for them. It would be rude for a child to go to someone and ask them to buy them something and we generally try to teach our children not to do that so I don't see how it's fine when a parent does it. I totally get teaching your kids to be generous and to show they care but I think it needs to be done carefully and the approach to this feels off.

wineandmaltesershappyme · 19/10/2023 21:03

I wouldn't expect it ever, but my 7yr old loves buying me a small chocolate bar when i take her to spend her money.

Notmetoo · 19/10/2023 21:06

I agree and I wouldn't be happy if I gave a child some money for a birthday or Christmas present and some of that money was used to buy coffee for their parents. I would want the money either spent on the child or put in the child's saving account

TomatoSandwiches · 19/10/2023 21:07

Has your friend said why she does this op?

Wasteddaysanddays · 19/10/2023 21:20

What you don't know is whether the mum accepts a coffee and pays it back in another way. Buys a toy or comic she knows the child wants and tells the child she would like to treat her as she treats her mum with a coffee.
You are just hearing a bit of a conversation.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/10/2023 21:28

pirateeilish · 19/10/2023 18:50

A colleague said that her child (age 7/8) gets a lot of money from relatives for her birthday and Christmas (no idea how much) and when she takes her shopping to spend it she says to treat mummy to a Costa.

I know a Costa is like £5-£8 so not a huge amount but that seems like an amount that would mean something to a child. I don’t know .. I just wouldn’t expect my child to pay for anything at that age.

Do you think she is on an extremely low wage? Even then it's a bit mean to her child I think.

ActDottie · 19/10/2023 21:29

It’s really sweet of her, maybe just get a cheaper costa so a small flat white or something so she’s not spending as much. But it’s up to her how she spends her money (obviously within reason at that age).

newmama311 · 19/10/2023 21:48

Sirzy · 19/10/2023 18:55

I think it’s lovely that the child gets a chance to feel they are doing something nice for the parent.

This, I don't think it's that deep sorry op, I think that it shows a kind heart and the little girl probably gets treated back tenfold c

Ncforthis29 · 19/10/2023 21:56

DSD mother is like this, takes DSD shopping to spend Christmas/birthday money and makes DSD buy their lunch etc from the money! DSD is 9!