To have your child treat you?

[pirateeilish]

A colleague said that her child (age 7/8) gets a lot of money from relatives for her birthday and Christmas (no idea how much) and when she takes her shopping to spend it she says to treat mummy to a Costa.

I know a Costa is like £5-£8 so not a huge amount but that seems like an amount that would mean something to a child. I don’t know .. I just wouldn’t expect my child to pay for anything at that age.

That's lovely

Don't see the problem at all!

I would never, ever expect DS to spend his birthday or Christmas money on me and would certainly never ask. He’s 14 now though and has a Saturday job and absolutely loves being able to offer to treat me to a drink or whatever if we go to town. I feel bad though and usually suggest a Mc Flurry. It’s nice that he’s so lovely 🥰.

I agree with you, it's not her money! It's her daughter's money. People have given it to her to spend on herself not on her mother's coffee.

I think it’s lovely that the child gets a chance to feel they are doing something nice for the parent.

children love being in this position! I always did!

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU to spend the money at Costa though

Is the child suggesting it or the mother?

If it comes from the child I think it’s fine. I loved buying things for parents and grandparents at that age.

See I think that’s lovely and the fact is he’s offered it. i used to love buying my mum a coffee when we’d go shopping when I started earning my own money.

No the mother is suggesting her daughter buy her a coffee.

It's not about the child wanting to do something nice, its about the child being guilted into doing something nice. I think it's an arsehole thing to do to a child. Raise them right and they will want to treat you without any games or stupid low grade blackmail.

In that case I think the mother IBU. Might be different if it was a teenager negotiating for a lift or something, but for a child of that age you don’t expect them to pay for their parent’s drink.

I don't think it's a bad thing to encourage your kids to see you as a human who might like treating tbh. All very well for those saying the mum suggested it but that's how we teach our kids!
It's a Costa, not a meal out.

YANBU. I think some people voting are unclear that it's actually the mother asking her child to pay for a Costa - to me, that's very odd behaviour. I would never ever ask my son to spend his own money on me, nor did/do my parents even now as an adult, it's always our choice when we treat each other. That's what makes it a treat.

It would be a different story if the little girl was doing it without being coerced, I think it's a bit cruel to guilt your child into spending their gift money on you.

I think this is how you raise a child that sees their parents as human and worth a bit of a treat. I’m sure the parent ‘pays back’ the £7 with a toy or hobbies at another time!!

just thinking about all the tragic threads where mum clearly comes last and gets fuck all for Mother’s Day or her birthday.

i see nothing wrong with the scenario you describe.

Yanbu if the mother suggests it - that's a cheeky F
Yabu if the child suggests it. It's a lovely gesture.

I would accept my child's offer (and then give them the money back in a different way)

Thats really mean and it’s setting up an unhealthy dynamic. It feels a bit like a shake down on a small kid. I think if you want your child to treat you like a human you do it through enforcing boundaries around behaviour, setting expectations around kindness etc. you don’t do it by making a kid feel like they HAVE to give you something. I’d be delighted if my child offered out of the blue, I wouldn’t “suggest” she buy me anything.

I’ve seen quite a few threads where adult children are expected to cough up for petulant parents and this is kind of thing is probably where it starts.

I think some people voting are unclear that it's actually the mother asking her child to pay for a Costa

So everyone that disagrees with you is too stupid to understand the question? I voted she's being unreasonable because I don't think it's a bad thing to teach your child that it's nice to do things for other people.

I think this is lovely IF the child suggests that's what they want to do with some of their money. I don't think it's lovely for a parent to essentially emotionally manipulate a child into buying things for them. It would be rude for a child to go to someone and ask them to buy them something and we generally try to teach our children not to do that so I don't see how it's fine when a parent does it. I totally get teaching your kids to be generous and to show they care but I think it needs to be done carefully and the approach to this feels off.

I wouldn't expect it ever, but my 7yr old loves buying me a small chocolate bar when i take her to spend her money.

I agree and I wouldn't be happy if I gave a child some money for a birthday or Christmas present and some of that money was used to buy coffee for their parents. I would want the money either spent on the child or put in the child's saving account

Has your friend said why she does this op?

What you don't know is whether the mum accepts a coffee and pays it back in another way. Buys a toy or comic she knows the child wants and tells the child she would like to treat her as she treats her mum with a coffee.
You are just hearing a bit of a conversation.

Do you think she is on an extremely low wage? Even then it's a bit mean to her child I think.

It’s really sweet of her, maybe just get a cheaper costa so a small flat white or something so she’s not spending as much. But it’s up to her how she spends her money (obviously within reason at that age).

This, I don't think it's that deep sorry op, I think that it shows a kind heart and the little girl probably gets treated back tenfold c

DSD mother is like this, takes DSD shopping to spend Christmas/birthday money and makes DSD buy their lunch etc from the money! DSD is 9!