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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone has advice for sudden crippling driving anxiety.

87 replies

InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 17:50

Really need some help after the day I’ve had.

I’ve always loved cars, always loved driving. Been driving since 17 with my own car, have driven the length and breadth of the country, a day off always involved jumping in the car, driving and exploring for hours. But the last 6 months I have been developing a serious driving anxiety.

Started with not being comfortable on motorways, then progressed to being really nervous coming into bends and now if I see an open road in front of me my body goes into panic. Roads in my locality that I drive often are completely fine.

The last 2 ‘long’ drives I’ve had to do have been horrendous, and frankly dangerous. Any bend, unevenness, or a wide stretch of road in front of me has pretty much brought on a panic attack. Hands sweating, legs shaking, chest thumping and feeling like my vision is about to go.

The first was after a weekend away, and lots of drinks, so I just put it down to being hungover and fragile. I had to pull in 3 times, once for 40mins, in the space of a 1 hour journey.

Today I had a two hour journey that I had to do for work, I was about 30mins into it and it began. Had to pull in, gathered myself but was on the verge of a panic attack for the whole journey there and back. I’m home now and my heart is still thumping and I have a terrible headache.

I have a certain amount of driving to do for my job and I’m a single Mum so I NEED to tackle this.

So as not to drip feed, I've suffered from general anxiety through the years but with medication and counselling I pretty much overcame it.

I was also in a couple of car accidents, 1 serious when I was 14 and another not so serious when I was about 29. I'm 35 now.

Has anyone overcome this? How do I do this? Counselling, hypnotism, medication?

All advice welcome, I really need to get on top of this.

OP posts:
Sleepyallday · 19/10/2023 21:58

Click on the person icon (which is top left on web browser) and the private messages

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 22:01

Thanks so much @stillawip x For me it's definitely just the driving in certain circumstances, I really want to leave my home and be out in the world.

I tried whacking up the radio today, putting in ear buds, singing to myself, telling myself loudly how much I love driving... none of it worked

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 22:01

Sleepyallday · 19/10/2023 21:58

Click on the person icon (which is top left on web browser) and the private messages

Perfect, thank you so much, I'll check x

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 19/10/2023 22:02

I had hypnotherapy for it. It helped a lot.

Sleepyallday · 19/10/2023 22:02

The app doesn’t appear to support private messages but you should be able to access if you are able to log in on a web browser

Coffeepot72 · 19/10/2023 22:02

Anxiety is a nasty little bugger, but I would say I’m 99.9% over it now. If any minor symptoms crop up, my brain seems to identify it as a niggle rather than a disaster, and the symptoms fade away quickly. Whereas previously I would panic, making things far, far worse very quickly.

AnImaginaryCat · 19/10/2023 22:15

I attended a webinar on the menopause yesterday - this was specifically mentioned. In fact she said she tends to hear her patients say it starts with the motorway. She ("she" being the doctor giving the webinar by the way 🥴) mentions that anxiety with perimemopause isn't a definite but if you have had anxiety before them it's more likely to intensify.

Now you are on the young side for perimenopause but it's not totally impossible.

Anyway she mentioned CBT is good treatment.

Mind you if you are driving on the M50 anxiety is a given. It's certainly a constant high alert drive 😬. Only time I like driving on it is between 2am and 4am!!

crystalize · 19/10/2023 22:20

@InAPickle12345 I was 48 at the time so I can understand at your age it feels so young for peri menopause. See what the doc says.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 22:29

AnImaginaryCat · 19/10/2023 22:15

I attended a webinar on the menopause yesterday - this was specifically mentioned. In fact she said she tends to hear her patients say it starts with the motorway. She ("she" being the doctor giving the webinar by the way 🥴) mentions that anxiety with perimemopause isn't a definite but if you have had anxiety before them it's more likely to intensify.

Now you are on the young side for perimenopause but it's not totally impossible.

Anyway she mentioned CBT is good treatment.

Mind you if you are driving on the M50 anxiety is a given. It's certainly a constant high alert drive 😬. Only time I like driving on it is between 2am and 4am!!

Why is this not spoken about or highlighted more??? I'm speaking with a very small group of women here and menopause has been mentioned so often.

I feel like if someone said "By the way, on top of all the other menopause symptoms, you might feel like you're gonna faint and run yourself and others off the road by accident" that would be a great heads up and help majorly with the anxiety!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 22:32

WhoWants2Know · 19/10/2023 22:02

I had hypnotherapy for it. It helped a lot.

Was it just one session? Would you recommend trying it? Is your anxiety under control? x

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 22:33

Sleepyallday · 19/10/2023 22:02

The app doesn’t appear to support private messages but you should be able to access if you are able to log in on a web browser

I'll log in on the PC tomorrow and message you there, thank you so much again x

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 22:36

@Coffeepot72 I'll definitely ask the doctor about the propranolol, thank you so much. I'll look into my counselling and driving lesson options as well 👍

OP posts:
dottydaily · 19/10/2023 22:43

This happened to me,it was a peri menopause symptom.I started symptoms at 35years..I knew I was peri menopausal but did not figure the driving anxiety was a part of it for some time…I still have it,I manage day to day but don’t enjoy driving anymore.I need to sleep well,excercise daily,be mindful of how I am feeling,recognise when I am feeling overwhelmed to help manage this odd anxiety…

Brainworm · 19/10/2023 22:50

I went through this about 25 years ago. It started with anxiety about driving at night, then went on to driving in heavy rain, then driving at anytime.
My work then introduced free eye testing for those with heavy VDU use and to my surprise I needed glasses. I hadn't noticed my loss of vision and wearing the glasses made everything more colourful and sharper. This 'coincided' with my anxiety around driving disappearing.
It's a long shot, but perhaps check your vision, even if it's not obvious to you that things are as sharp as they were?

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 23:26

Brainworm · 19/10/2023 22:50

I went through this about 25 years ago. It started with anxiety about driving at night, then went on to driving in heavy rain, then driving at anytime.
My work then introduced free eye testing for those with heavy VDU use and to my surprise I needed glasses. I hadn't noticed my loss of vision and wearing the glasses made everything more colourful and sharper. This 'coincided' with my anxiety around driving disappearing.
It's a long shot, but perhaps check your vision, even if it's not obvious to you that things are as sharp as they were?

I've actually done this @Brainworm! I wear glasses for reading/screens anyway I started hating driving at night/in the rain too, the glare from the lights was blinding me so went to my optician and I have a stigmatism (?) so my eyeballs a more oval and refract light strangely resulting in glare.

Got the super expensive Ultra Drive Night lenses... didn't help!

I had to do a 4hour motorway drive, at night and in the dark, few months ago by night and it was horrendous.

Just kept thinking "I can only see 200m in front of me, it's purché black, my son is beside me asleep and I'm travelling at 100km an hour in a glorified tin can" 😩

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 19/10/2023 23:31

dottydaily · 19/10/2023 22:43

This happened to me,it was a peri menopause symptom.I started symptoms at 35years..I knew I was peri menopausal but did not figure the driving anxiety was a part of it for some time…I still have it,I manage day to day but don’t enjoy driving anymore.I need to sleep well,excercise daily,be mindful of how I am feeling,recognise when I am feeling overwhelmed to help manage this odd anxiety…

You're another poster referencing menopause, and you were my age going into peri, I'm gonna insist on a hormone test. Thank you x

OP posts:
Rainyrainyday · 20/10/2023 11:21

I’ve recently read about binocular vision dysfunction and it was a lightbulb moment for me - so much of it makes sense. From “panic” attacks on motorways even though I love driving, being overwhelmed in busy/public places, neck tension and holding my head at an angle. I go to the optician every year but this apparently isn’t something that’s normally looked for. I’ve got an appointment next week for them to look specifically for this.

Herbusyness · 20/10/2023 11:51

My driving anxiety (thanks to perimenopause) actually manifests more when others are driving. I’m an awful back seat driver as I hate not being in control. I actually have nightmares about trying to drive from the back seat, not being able to control the car. One of my main concerns is people not leaving enough space in front, which I think is triggered by witnessing two car crashes happen directly in front of me. Because I’d left space, I was luckily able to avoid the smash. I also hate being driven when there are steep inclines or descents and am fearful of roundabouts on a high-speed road (scared we won’t stop in time).

I’m currently worrying about a long drive next week when I’m behind the wheel, as I haven’t driven alone on a motorway for a long time.

I’ve googled binocular vision dysfunction. My mum suffers from it (didn’t know that’s what it was called) so perhaps I’ve inherited that. I have a bad astigmatism which makes things a bit fuzzy at night.

Good luck OP with seeking sources of support xx

Coffeepot72 · 20/10/2023 13:45

OP - I've just been out, and driven there/back in monsoon conditions on a dual carriageway, with no anxiety at all (other than not enjoying the weather) thankfully everyone was taking their time and driving to the conditions. This would have been unthinkable when my anxiety started, but I just wanted to give you this example of how the problem is fixable.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 20/10/2023 18:33

@Coffeepot72 You're so sweet to think of me, thank you so much and I'm so glad you're motoring along just fine now. Can I ask roughly how long did it take for you to overcome the anxiety?

OP posts:
Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 20/10/2023 18:36

@Herbusyness this crippling anxiety at the moment is definitely to do with me driving, I've always been a nervous passenger but never to the point of having a panic attack.

@Rainyrainyday I've looked this up and it's definitely something to consider, I've added Eye Test to my list of actions and I will ask the optician to check for this specifically, thank you x

OP posts:
Coffeeandccroissant · 20/10/2023 19:57

OP I experienced the exact same thing a few years back. Seemed to come out of nowhere and got progressively worse over a few months. I had been driving - confidently - for 12 years before it. I too had been in a couple of accidents before that, even had a car written off after someone rammed in to side of me, but I didn't link it to that as I was fine for many months/years post accidents. It just came on suddenly one day for me and got progressively worse. The only thing, in hindsight, was that got a new car not long before it started so that's the only thing I can possibly connect it with, it was also my first RWD car and it was quite sporty so maybe subconsciously I was aware it was different to what I was used to.

It got to the point I also felt unsafe on unfamiliar roads and I gave myself a fright going round bends, particularly on motorways and would brake or manoeuvre in a way that isn't recommended because I was nervous.

I spoke openly about it to my DH and friends. I asked my hubby to drive my car for a bit on 'these roads' in a safe but confident way so I could observe silently. I think it got better for me when I seen how well the car handled, even on wet roads (or context I was always worried about spinning out of control on bends). I also would take deep breaths coming up to a bend and would tell myself "this is fine, you're a good driver, cars are made to drive around bends".

I can't say for sure how long it took for me to get over it. But I did. Totally confident in the drivers seat again, well, most of the time :-), and 2 more new cars later. Seemed to be a one off for me.

I hope this doesn't spiral for you or continue much longer. It's a horrible feeling.

Coffeeandccroissant · 20/10/2023 19:59

I should add, to echo some others, I too suffer with general anxiety which flares every now and again. I have never taken meds or had any form of therapy.

Original poster
InAPickle12345 · 20/10/2023 20:21

Thank you so much @Coffeeandccroissant while I'm not delighted this issue isn't uncommon, because it really is awful, but it's comforting to know I'm not alone, I don't feel so pathetic.

That's actually a great idea about getting someone to bring me out on the roads I'm struggling with, someone up thread mentioned immersion therapy and this could actually be a good thing to try. I'll see if Mum will go driving with me in the next few days. Thank you for this idea x

OP posts:
Coffeeandccroissant · 20/10/2023 21:53

I remember thinking the same, feeling it was a very odd anxiety to suddenly have but this thread proves otherwise :).

That's a good idea, don't make it all about the driving, converse like normal when you're out and it's less of a 'thing'.

I hope your confidence is back soon x