To ask what you would do here ?

[IceAndLemonPlease]

Elderly grandmother said to my sister “Wow, You have piled on the pounds.” Sister was secretly devastated as was said in front of her partner but they didn’t say anything and carried on as normal. When they left the house though she burst into tears. Sister now saying she doesn’t want to see grandparents anymore and other members of the family feel that the grandmother shouldn’t be told how much it upset her granddaughter as it will cause a big family row. I too feel very annoyed and upset for my sister but not sure how to approach it.

I think your grandmother should be told. Why should she get away with being so nasty just because she’s old

Your poor sister, I think you should back her.

Of course she should be held accountable for her actions. How infantilising to let it go because she's elderly. If it causes a family row, that's on her and her poisonous gob, not the person who tells her she's out of order.

Is this behaviour normal or out of character for grandmother?

Stand with your sister. I wonder why her partner didn't? Why do the family not want the GM to be told?

Grandmother needs to be made aware that she lost her filter on this occasion. You don’t have to be unkind or accusatory but someone needs to say that she put her foot in it and hurt your your sisters feelings.

My favourite aunt started being unkind around 10 years ago. She had the very early stages of dementia. Was it particularly out of character?

Well... has she piled on weight?

Is grandma normally this blunt or could it be dementia related?

Is there a family hierarchy? Does Gma get to say what she wants and that's it?

Yes , I do feel the family tiptoe around her. I personally think they are scared of her as she can be very argumentative and critical towards others. She has always been like this but sadly nobody pulls her up on it as they want a quiet life and also now don’t want to upset my elderly grandfather.

I think you can stand up to poor behaviour without being aggressive or disrespectful, though. People who can never be criticised in case it upsets them are a massive red flag.

Your grandmother should be told and she should apologise

the family need to stop pussyfooting around her and stop accepting her bad behaviour

Grandma should have been firmly put in her place at the time, especially as she has a history of this sort of thing. She does it because she gets away with it.

Grandmother should know better. I don't think she doesn't tbf. Stand up for your sister.

Doesn't make any difference, but how old is she?

It was rude but sounds like she was being truthful?

Not sure why there’s a family discussion about it? Your sister sounds a bit dramatic tbh! I mean she could have said something at the time?

So what do you want from this thread?

Rude women has always been rude and never confronted.

This kind of behaviour will never stop if people don’t stand up for themselves.

She’s argumentative. So what?

Whether or not she’s put on the weight there was absolutely no reason for your grandmother to comment. She wanted to be mean and embarrass your sister and she sounds unpleasant.

You sound stupid.

Is that ok under the guise of being ‘truthful’?

People don’t go around being ‘truthful’ all the time. It’s a cop out for wanting to be deliberately hurtful.

How old is elderly? People lose their filters as they age and say whatever is in their head. Pulling them up on it won't make a difference as they can't help it. You will just create an issue in the family.

My father (79) says utterly inappropriate things all the time (especially since my Mum died - she was his filter!) We just ignore it because we know he can't do anything about it.

I have an auntie like this. Says whatever she pleases but it seems like she has a 'get out of jail free' card. Zero repercussions, everyone says 'oh its just how she is'. About 9 years ago i absolutely let rip and havent spoken to her since. I wont go in the same room as her so miss out on most family things. No relation is greater than peace of mind or manners.

Probably upset about it himself.

People need to remember, the truth doesnt need to be brutal or harsh, it just needs to be true. No excuses for being hurtful.

And in the words of the Bambi film. If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.

I feel sorry for your sister. Isnt it normally our mother's who are blunt with us daughters regarding weight and hair?