Christmas Gifts

[Spencer0220]

Hi,

Sorry for bringing yet another question.

I posted on here last week (see aibu - childless comment) re: my sister who lashed out at me over a present for her DD that she didn't like, resulting in her being grateful I was childless. Note: my husband and I have fertility issues and are unable to have biological children or ivf to carry donor embryos.

Now, she has turned it all around and gone crying to our mother that I am treating her badly. All I did, was because of her admitting she doesn't think before she speaks, let her know that for the foreseeable I'm unwilling to communicate verbally and am going to stick to text messages. DH counsellor has affirmed to him that this is a reasonable course of action for both of us.

I have made it clear that I'm willing to see her in person with other people, so she can't twist words. So far this week, she has told DM that my DH has been contacting her saying he accepts her apology and everything is fine. DH has not contacted her at all this week and vehemently refuses to accept the apology to me. She also lied to DM about apologising directly to DH. DM won't ask DSis for proof, of which I know there is nothing. Apparently I'm being unkind to demand proof and she believes I need to forgive and move on.

Here's where I think I might be wrong: I have let DM know that all of the Christmas gifts already purchased will only go to the children and DSis if I see them in person. Should I just hand DM everything and let her deliver them? In amongst that are also birthday gifts for 2 kids and my BIL. I don't know what to do there either.

I feel like this is DSis just being cruel. She has a very noticeable history of withholding her children from us if money isn't forthcoming.

I'm pretty sure this all started when DH and I refused to bail her out after her last set of money problems because we can't afford to anymore.

Note, I had plans to visit DSis this week, but DM cancelled because DSis is too disgusted by my behaviour. She refuses to cancel herself and has made DM phone me. DSis said exactly that.

It all sounds very dramatic. Don’t involve your Mum in this and don’t take it out on children. If you’re not going to see these children over Christmas, and you want to gift something to them, then either post or leave the gifts with someone who will be seeing them.

It’s upsetting that you’re not getting to see these children but don’t let your sister know you’re upset. Just keep your distance and accept your relationship with your sister is what it is. If what you gift is an issue, either decide not to gift going forward or to send a cinema voucher or £10 in a card and leave it at that. Same for birthdays.

Thank you.

DSis doesn't know I'm upset.

I'm not living locally, so in terms of passing on gifts, my best option was passing to DM on a visit either us to her or vice versa.

Are you saying don't pass gifts to DM in any event?

It’s only October, in December either give the gifts to your Mum to pass on without any comment other than to say, please give these when you see them.

Or buy a small voucher or books that you can easily post.

Don’t overthink it, the kids no doubt will have lots of other presents so won’t really care what you get them. I know over the years, I spent a lot of time picking out gifts for nieces/nephews/friends kids and quite honestly, it is a waste of time the thought that went into it all.

Thank you @Sunnydays0101