To not understand why she’s criticising

[yogaoga]

So, backstory is my sister has form for not being very nice but over time I’ve come to accept that and understand she might also see me as having faults. All fine, not everyone has to get along!

Her DH is an exceptionally high earner and she chooses to not work. We both work average jobs with average pay. Whenever it comes up in conversation about plans for the weekend, she will raise an eyebrow if we are doing anything that costs. If we are going out for tea for a special treat, they are cooking at home and need to tell us about it. I mention I’ve popped to Tesco and found a good new ready meal and she is quick to comment about how pricey it is and that they wouldn’t dream of going anywhere but Aldi. It confuses me a bit but it’s constant. Any birthday card that arrives for their family that’s been sent via moonpig (out of convenience more than anything else) she will quickly tell me she only ever goes to Card factory or spends no more than 29p per card.

It almost feels like… a dressing down, for doing normal things, without reason to? Can anyone think of why it may be. I am usually frugal myself and shop on Vinted/marketplace and the likes but whenever I mention something I perceive to be quite normal she instantly has to say what similar thing they have done, which cost less. Then I privately feel embarrassed, because if anything we are the ones who should be cost cutting and it shouldn’t even figure for them.

Tell her nothing. Or make up what you think she wants to hear.

Life's too short.

As above. Tell her nothing...or, ask her why she does it.

Does her DH let her have access to his money? She may have a rich DH it doesn't mean she has ready access to his cash.

That or she is one of those rich but competitively frugal people like the ones on MN who can make a chicken feed a family of 4 for a week.

Actually I’ve no idea! I know sometimes she rings him before buying clothes etc

Yeah, my first thought was that he may be financially controlling.

I’d never even thought of this tbh

Sounds like they don't share finances, which I know is totally normal for a lot of couples (even though I share with my husband)

I have an aunt who has a very very wealthy husband. She often moans about cutting back, or "we can't buy a new dishwasher because it's too expensive" etc etc, I find it truly bizarre and a bit brass neck.

My other take on your sister is that they (or her husband) may appear wealthy but they have little disposable income. This could be if they have huge bills/massive mortgage/their money is tied up in stocks/in property etc etc and they haven't budgeted well.

I've said YABU, because you're telling her too much. For whatever reason, she feels the need to make these (nonsensical) comments, so don't give her the ammo. She won't change, but you can minimse the opportunities for her to direct this at you. Her issues are her own. But do try and protect yourself because i can imagine it would be wearing listening to it.

She sounds envious of your life..

She clearly does t have access to much money

She may be embarrassed that you think they are well off when in reality that’s clearly not the case

Sounds to me that she hasn’t any money, he controls it and doesn’t give her any to spend

have you asker her about her finances and what access to money she has?

This.

Stop telling her anything at all that will give rise to these comments.

Very tedious.

But sounds like she is either a PITA or her husband is very controlling with money.

You could always ask.

No I’ve not asked her

I have a bit of a sinking feeling now because tbh I can see how that might be her reality. She is always on social media saying how amazing her life is etc and that they never argue but I’m now worried it’s the opposite - maybe that is also why she’s been so defensive in previous interactions with me and tried to pick apart some things of mine.

She wouldn’t say, she is very defensive and reactive about most things