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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When do teachers usually tell parents about maternity leave?

70 replies

Tellytibby · 17/10/2023 12:33

Is it the norm for teachers to not tell people about their maternity leave until they're just about to leave? 3 weeks to go apparently and I just found out from my child, who said Miss Teacher's Name isn't going to be here in November because she's having a baby. I asked and she said yes that's correct, shes bearly full term. You can't tell she's pregnant, she's tiny. If I hadn't have asked I don't know that I would've found out until she had left. It doesn't change anything but I feel like it's quite a significant to not tell parents (a change in teacher). Genuinely very happy for her but wondering should we have been told sooner?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 17/10/2023 12:48

bobcat2424 · 17/10/2023 12:46

Maybe you can put in a complaint.. ?

Oh I see, you were joking. Dangerous joke in these parts

Dweetfidilove · 17/10/2023 12:51

Her employer informed me via the school newsletter 😳.

We’re not friends and I didn’t care enough to expect to be told by her.

Dweetfidilove · 17/10/2023 12:52

bobcat2424 · 17/10/2023 12:46

Maybe you can put in a complaint.. ?

You might be taken seriously- this is MN 😂

bobcat2424 · 17/10/2023 12:53

Yet you clearly were thinking of it.. by the very post of your title.. just because she was good at her job... all you could clearly think about was yourself.. you were hoping for an angle by which to complain..
teachers are professional women who also have rights covered by the work place. And no, it is not any of your business!

Cowlover89 · 17/10/2023 12:53

It's none of your business

Original poster
Tellytibby · 17/10/2023 12:53

TeaKitten · 17/10/2023 12:45

Even if she told you in September it’d still be ‘short notice’ by what you’ve just said. She has every right to go on maternity leave. Plenty of kids are anxious this early in, it’s exhausting but it will pass eventually. The teacher having a baby or how much notice they give isn’t an issue though.

Show quote history

I never said she didn't have a right to go on maternity leave. I hope people can put themselves in my shoes. If I explain a little. My son hates school. He cries every time he goes in. He is neurodivergent and when he gets really wound up before school he does things like punch himself in the face and kicks and hits me. I can calm him down and a lot of this is by reassuring him he will be seeing his teacher. I am not trying to gain rights to the teachers medical information, and should I not have such difficulties around school I likely wouldn't care. I'm just exhausted and worried about a big change and am dreading telling him she's leaving. I'm sorry for putting that down to not having been told and I can see I am being unreasonable but I'm just shattered and struggling.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 17/10/2023 12:57

Could you let the SENCO know you're concerned about the impending change and work with them on strategies?

quietnightmare · 17/10/2023 12:57

Oh my gosh OP you sent your child to a school that has teachers that are allowed to reproduce. How dare they! I am sickened 🙄

Original poster
Tellytibby · 17/10/2023 12:58

ilovesooty · 17/10/2023 12:57

Could you let the SENCO know you're concerned about the impending change and work with them on strategies?

I have a meeting with her this week so will definitely raise it (and no this doesn't mean I will be complaining. I wouldn't dream of it).

OP posts:
Lemonyyy · 17/10/2023 12:59

It's not her fault her bump isn't big! You sound a bit accusatory op. Teachers don't have to plan their maternity leave to coincide with the school year!

ilovesooty · 17/10/2023 13:00

The OP has acknowledged she's BU. She's tired and struggling. I don't see why people need to go on being sarcastic and horrible.

SacAMain · 17/10/2023 13:00

Tellytibby · 17/10/2023 12:53

I never said she didn't have a right to go on maternity leave. I hope people can put themselves in my shoes. If I explain a little. My son hates school. He cries every time he goes in. He is neurodivergent and when he gets really wound up before school he does things like punch himself in the face and kicks and hits me. I can calm him down and a lot of this is by reassuring him he will be seeing his teacher. I am not trying to gain rights to the teachers medical information, and should I not have such difficulties around school I likely wouldn't care. I'm just exhausted and worried about a big change and am dreading telling him she's leaving. I'm sorry for putting that down to not having been told and I can see I am being unreasonable but I'm just shattered and struggling.

Show quote history

fair enough, but brace yourself, one year it's the teacher, the next is their favourite TA, then it's the teacher again.

It's especially hard when they have a one-to-one, but it will happen. Teachers and the staff have health reason, they move, they give up for a better job.

Original poster
Tellytibby · 17/10/2023 13:01

Thank you all I am going to leave this thread for a while.

OP posts:
SacAMain · 17/10/2023 13:01

quietnightmare · 17/10/2023 12:57

Oh my gosh OP you sent your child to a school that has teachers that are allowed to reproduce. How dare they! I am sickened 🙄

to be fair, the OP was asking about NOTICE, when the pregnancy was obviously known for months.

As I said, to tell the parents, 3 weeks is plenty.

Nina9870 · 17/10/2023 13:02

I work in an SEN school and although I was visibly pregnant unlike the teacher in your post, I didn’t even mention mat leave, didn’t think they’d really care or understand- plus it’s really none of their business. I got a few cards on my last day, but everyone managed without me! I didn’t think announcing to parents was a thing. Does your son have a TA as he has SEN? I think they’ll be the closest member of staff to them, he may cope better than you think.

TheShellBeach · 17/10/2023 13:11

Realistically, what difference would it make to your son, OP?
Knowing several weeks ago that his teacher is leaving would just extend the length of time he's anxious.
I think it's better she's given the pupils very short notice.

quietnightmare · 17/10/2023 13:22

@SacAMain
I was taking the mick 🤣

Nowherenew · 17/10/2023 13:23

If you have an anxious child then knowing too far in advance can actually be detrimental.

I think 3 weeks is fine.

My sister worked right up until she almost popped because she felt she could and so she’d talk about her pregnancy openly.
I think she told the kids that she’s going to try and work until X date but may have to leave sooner.

My college however had to start maternity really early and didn’t tell the kids or parents at all.
They came in and she wasn’t there and the cover teacher explained.

Gently, I think you’re pushing your anxieties on to your child.
3 weeks is more than enough notice.

Why not get your child to make them a congratulations card.

Honeybee798 · 17/10/2023 13:26

I’d have expected a phone call or email at the time of the positive pregnancy test, it is your business after all!

Nowherenew · 17/10/2023 13:28

Honeybee798 · 17/10/2023 13:26

I’d have expected a phone call or email at the time of the positive pregnancy test, it is your business after all!

I think at the time of conception would be more appropriate!

cabbagefordinner · 17/10/2023 13:30

Nowherenew · 17/10/2023 13:28

I think at the time of conception would be more appropriate!

Show quote history

Maybe the teacher should have checked in with the parents to find which leaving date they would approve before she got pregnant.

Concernedfriend2023 · 17/10/2023 13:44

Gosh, people reallt jump on posters around here if they feel teachers are being mildly criticised in someway, hey? Imagine the OP has felt she needs to leave the thread.

I get it, I think OP. We all care about our children's wellbeing, and to us, it feels like a huge change. In reality though, my 6YO DC wouldn't bat an eyelid if their teacher changed. Probably wouldn't even tell me. Your child will be fine x

MrsMurphyIWish · 17/10/2023 13:46

I didn’t give my classes’ any notice when I had DD. I was there Friday, not there Monday as had gone into premature labour. DD born the Tuesday. She’s a thriving (but moody) teenager now.

I also have a child with ASD. He doesn’t cope well with change but (speaking as an old hat to it now of 9 years!) he has to deal with it. In a year’s time he’ll be off to high school and there’ll be so much change. I tell myself the uncomfortable moments are preparing him for a life without me.

Goldbar · 17/10/2023 13:47

I think people are being a little unfair to you, OP, and I think you have a point although not the one you appear to be making. Of course you don't have a right to know the teacher's personal medical information or plans, but hopefully the school will work with you in managing the change for your child (which I agree is a big one). I think it is really this that you are concerned about. Your child has settled in with this teacher, and now he'll have a new face to settle in with, and you've explained that transitions/change are difficult for him, so it's not unlikely that there will be a few issues so it's hardly unreasonable that you're concerned.

Notmetoo · 17/10/2023 13:50

I'm not sure why you would need to know. What could you do about it? Also there isn't much point telling the children a long time in advance either.
The teachers responsibility is only to tell her employer when she plans to take maternal leave. She doesn't need to tell the parents.