lots of people bailing on bday celebrations

[pandapanda67]

Posting here for traffic, sorry.

I'm organising a big dinner for Friday evening as I'm about to turn 40. I was so anxious about it anyway (really don't know what I was thinking trying to have a do, I suppose I just wanted to be celebratory), and now people dropping like flies. I can feel myself wanting to really wallow/ passive aggressive/ feel sad/ angry/ let down/ cancel it altogether. But I don't want to be that person. Please help me to reframe it so I can feel more accepting of however it turns out/ positive!?

I hate that. Do you still have a decent amount coming? I’m sure it will still be fun

I've lost about 8 people due to a whole myriad of reasons. I imagine about 7/8 people coming in the end? Just worried it looks a little sad

Be grateful they're even telling you in advance! It is something I notice about the UK (after being away for years) that people can be incredibly rude about invitations, coming up with lame excuses at the last minute or just not bothering to show.

So remember that it's not you, it's them. If they're typical, they'll be wailing and crying on your shoulder at some point because they don't have friends who are there for them and don't get invited anywhere.

As long as ANYONE is still coming, you can have a good time. If you can adjust your plans to have a dinner instead of a party (without costing yourself a lot of time, stress, and money), do that. If you can go out and do a fun activity, do that.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but you're certainly not alone! Pay attention to who did show up and make plans to spend more time with those people!

That's not sad at all! Are you kidding? How many close friends does anyone actually have? That's a perfectly respectable number.

7/8 people doesn't look sad, genuinely I see posts on here all the time about how people have zero friends. Some people would kill for 7/8. Just relax and tell yourself the ones who mean most are gonna turn up for you.

7/8 is a really nice number for dinner, much better for conversation than 15

And not at all sad!

I can imagine that a meal out seems like a large expense to a lot of people at the moment, especially if most of the guests are in couples - minimum £30/£40 per head? And coming up to Christmas. Could that be the reason rather than flakiness?

Thank you everyone xxx I think I feel more sad perhaps because I hired out a room😓because it's a dinner thing I needed to let the kitchen know in advance. Think I'll maybe cancel that part. I swear some people can just pull in a crowd?!

@Rafting2022 yes perhaps, hadn't thought of that xx

Don't cancel it! You have more than enough people for a great dinner. It's an important event and why not have a luxurious, spacious room to celebrate it in?

This is not a you problem. Some people are inconsiderate and rude. I have friends in the USA who ruthlessly cut anyone like that out of their lives. Being bailed on drives everyone nuts.

I hope you have fun!

I had this on my 30th, so many people dropped out. I did still get a go show up but it really showed me who my real friends were at the time.

Some just clearly cba making the effort for me when I'd always made effort for them. Some ordered food in advance and dropped me in it with an hour to go.
Fuck those people, they aren't worth it.

Just have an amazing evening with 8 wonderful people who do turn up!

I meant to add, I swore to myself I would never do it again and I haven't. Too stressful. I now meet my friends on their own and have little teas out with individual friends instead so much more relaxing.

Happy 40th birthday for Friday op 🥳 Have a lovely dinner with the 8 friends - a special area will still be lovely for 8 I’m sure.

You can't catch up properly with 15 people. 7/8 sounds like a perfect number for socialising at dinner to me!

What are the excuses for not attending? They cant all be that ill they know they wont be well enough this far in advance

The cost of the meal ,and a present, maybe a sitter adds up to quite a lot.
7/8 is still good though.

7/8 is an excellent number of people. Less noisy for a start so easier to have conversations.
If it makes you feel better I’ve never had a group of people celebrate my birthday (apart from my DH and young DC) since I was 21 and I’m double that age now. So you are doing better than me! Have a great birthday Friday 🎂💐

Eight people sounds a perfect number for dinner.

This happened to me a few weeks ago although not with such a big birthday. We dropped from about 12 expected guests down to seven, but two of them are a new couple and barely mixed with the others at all, so it was really more like five. In my case almost everyone did have a valid reason for not being able to make it, it was just really bad luck that they all coincided.

I felt so bad because two of the people who did come had spent about six hours travelling to get there, but in the end everyone had a good time, and they all still mention what a nice evening it was whenever I see them. Don't cancel! You don't need big numbers to have a good party, just the right combination of people

Op, can you add in your family, work friends, neighbours? I would expand sideways if numbers are important to you.

I have been to lots of dinner parties since the pandemic and every single one has had cancellations of at least 25% some more than 50%. Many with an hours notice. Some with no notice at all. This is not a YOU problem but a societal issue. For some it will be genuine hidden mental health problems but for others they just prioritise themselves and ignore the consequences for you. It didn’t used to be like this.