Maternity Leave Companion

[Greydiamond]

More of a WWYD.

During my last maternity leave, I spent some time with another Mum (let's say Delilah) at a baby group.

Delilah was a nice person, but we didn't have much in common. Since returning to work, haven't had any contact with Delilah.

Roll on two years, our children are now at nursery together. We are both, coincidentally, on mat leave again.

Delilah has asked to meet up on days when kids are at nursery.

I'm so torn. Delilah is nice, but that's it. We spent time together because our babies were close in age and we went to the same group. Conversation was always quite stilted and I am not excited to spend time with them.

I know this makes me a horrible person! I'm well aware of it and my partner has said that I'm being unkind.

I feel I'm at a stage in my life where within reason, I shouldn't do things if I don't want to do them. Equally, I know motherhood can be hard, and I don't want anyone to feel lonely or isolated.

I would prefer not to start a relationship again with Delilah. She has invited me for lunch next week. I have said yes. I don't want to be unkind. But equally, I'm not overly looking forward to it.

What would you do? I have about 10 months left on maternity leave and I want to spend them doing things I want to do.

I know I'll likely get some mean comments but equally, is it so bad to put myself first when I'm also sleep deprived and tired?

What would you do?

YANBU - You shouldn't feel like you have to socialise.
YABU - You're being mean, be friends with them.

OP, I would do a bit of both.

I certainly wouldn't be committing to a weekly catch up, not a chance, but a coffee every 3 weeks might be possible.

There is nothing to be gained for either of you spending your precious time with someone whom you feel little connection with.

I don't see my close friends on a weekly basis, so couldn't imagine seeing someone I had zero interest in.

There is absolutely nothing wrong for protecting your down time during mat leave.

The group suggestion is a good one.

Poor Delilah. If you can’t stand her company so much you’re agonising, don’t go.

Yep, poor Delilah. I'm just the worst human and paying absolute no consideration at all to her feelings.

On a serious note, I have been very honest that she is nice enough, simply we don't have anything in common. It's absolutely okay for that to be the case.

Ok…

I feel sorry for anyone who is keen to make friends with someone who is very keen to avoid them.

@Hibiscrubbed

I wouldn't say I'm keen to avoid them. I am polite and say hi to them at the nursery drop off and pick up.

I'd rather use the limited time I have to perhaps spend it with friends that I already struggle to find the time to see.

You're right though which is why my last reply was probably a bit abrupt. I know I'm not a nice person from this and that's not an easy pill to swallow.

Why would you take from this you are not a nice person?

That is ridiculous.

Of course you have the right to choose whom you spend time with.

You do not owe anyone your time.

Come the menopause you will not hesitate to ruthlessly apply this.

Do yourself a huge favour and start now.

When we have children our down time becomes even more precious.

I consciously refused to spend any time with anyome that I didn't feel lighter after meeting up with.

I gave the heavy weather, humourless, competitive mothers a hard swerve and spent my time with the warm, funny, supportive friends that made my life better.

I never regretted it.

You know what, I’d just go for the lunch. She might have changed a bit in the last two years and some people need a bit of warming up. When I first met one of my best friends it took an age to go beyond the stilted small talk, then, somehow, it just kind of clicked one day (although I think alcohol was involved).

Are you sure she’s lonely and isolated? She might have just thought ‘ooh, I wonder if greydiamond fancies lunch’ or even ‘I thought greydiamond needed a bit of company last time round so I’ll ask her out for lunch’ and if you decline will happily trip off to meet/make other friends. You know her of course, but from the OP I think you’re massively overthinking this and if you don’t want to go should just politely decline and move on.