To move my child to a new school already?

[Cosycardigans]

I think I'm being unreasonable, but I wanted some feedback.

So the current situation- lived in council house for nearly two years. Moved here from another area when DD was 2 as it was dire where we lived (drug dealer upstairs, loose dogs, fights outside the flat, neighbours making malicious reports to social services and council on me and most neighbours everytime they got a chance- mine was because my DD bumped her head and had an egg). Was glad to find this house to swap to, however it's starting to get really hard here.
I don't drive and am basically at the top of a hill and the bus route I'm on is the one most affected by the bus driver shortages. The other day it took me three hours to get home instead of 30 minutes from town, as the bus didn't show up after an hour and then had to cross town to the train station and wait 45 minutes for a 4 minute train journey and then had to walk up the very steep hill in the dark with a poorly DD in her buggy (had taken her to the walk in centre for antibiotics as it was a weekend). I'm going out less and less with DD now as it's so hard to get home when the buses are cancelled and they don't announce cancellations anywhere . I can pop out alone during school hours as I can walk back half the way and get a different bus half the way, but DD has suspected autism and doesn't walk far for very long (paediatrician says with autism pain or discomfort is more heightened so a slightly hard walk or ache is unbearable for her). DD is not quite 4.5 and petite and I have some physical difficulties since giving birth which make pushing a buggy uphill really agonising (fibromyalgia, hypermobility and seperated abs).

There's nothing in my area, at the top of the hill other than a small children's park, and a corner shop- ten minutes walk away. There's a butcher ten mins walk away but I'm veggie and talk of other shops being built at the end of next year, but nothing confirmed.

As a result, going anywhere is like a proper mission and I feel like our social life is declining. I don't take DD swimming or just to see friends in town or pop out any more, unless I know I've got enough for a taxi home as a back up. Mentally I feel like this all takes up so much space and I'm supposed to be job hunting for a job which fits into school time but I can't think straight and keep wondering 'but what if there's no bus to get back and pick DD up'. I waited about 45 mins for a bus to pick her up when I had to go into town the other day, but luckily I put her into after school club as I knew there would likely be problems. The buses are timetabled every 15 minutes. We can't be spontaneous or anything, ever. I've been stuck in the woods once with her in the rain when a bus didn't show up for an hour after we went to a nearby garden centre event. I paid 18 in a taxi to come out and get us and take us home. The event was only down the road but as it's countryside there was no pavement to safely walk back home on. The bus company didn't reply when I emailed asking for compensation. I'm not in a position to drive anytime soon, as I'd need a job and I'm getting depression from it.

So I've put an advert out for a house swap. I couldn't afford to privately rent anywhere off this hill, so I'm limited to choose from who I could swap with. So far, I've only had offers from towns 15 minutes drive away, but about 30 minutes by bus, including walking to the bus stop. However, there's been one which has really caught my eye. It's by the beach, opposite two affordable supermarkets, has a leisure centre literally next door, cafés, a soft play next door. The woman is very very keen to swap and sounds legitimate. She wants a garden and has a flat. I'm honestly not worried about losing my garden as it's extra work anyway for me atm and we would have the beach and a big park opposite. There's a lot more for us to do and I could walk around after school with DD and have places to go, things to do and people to talk to.

However it's the school situation which is killing me over the decision. DD started school six weeks ago and LOVES it. She loves her teachers and asks to go every day. Obviously I know she would be leaving her teachers anyway next sep to move to a new class but she's so attached to them already. She's really good at making friends and loves the routine. She's also on the SEN register and they so far seem to be supporting her. It would be a 40 minute commute to get her to her school from the new place and that's assuming the bus shows up on time. However I think they cancel day time buses more than the commuter ones. Obviously I know we couldn't maintain the commute for very long and would eventually have to move to the school near the swap flat (right next to it as well). The other thing is that a couple of girls are already picking on DD and the school haven't been able to nip it in the bud, so it would be good to get away from that situation. However, despite the 'mean girls' as she calls them, she loves everything else about school and they're supporting her needs to an extent. Maybe I could move, get a job in the supermarket opposite, and use my wages to learn to drive and then it would only be a 15 min commute to the school.

I really don't know what to do. The holidays are depressing as anything as I feel so stuck.

Hey everyone. Wanted to update and also get some more encouragement. So the swap has been approved. The girl wanted to swap straight away but it's so overwhelming for me, I said can we wait until February half term so Christmas isn't taken up by moving.

Anyway, I'm feeling very very sad to say goodbye to my little isolated hill. As much as it's been awful up here with nowhere to go the house has been cosy and felt protective. Do I have Stockholm syndrome with the area?! 😂 I guess an isolated time in your life is quite intense and to say goodbye to that after four years (my last flat felt pretty isolated too and was also a hill to get to, but only on one side), feels like a lot. DD is excited to move- there's a leisure centre next door.
My initial plan is just to commute with her to school, maybe try and scab a lift off someone occasionally if we can. I'm sure there must be people driving that way for work. I'm hoping the extra mental energy will give me some space to save some money for a car and lessons, and get these sorted over the summer holidays. If we move in Feb half term, it will only be three short terms of commuting.

I'm trying to declutter- it's so hard as there's nowhere to easily just drop it all off, but there's a monthly collection which comes around to pick stuff up.

I am so excited, but also quite stressed and nervous and sad. I feel like a teenager off to uni for the first time. Probably because being stuck up this hill has had an 'overprotective' feel to it, so I'm getting my freedom and wings back!

Well done for speaking up when the timeline they wanted didn’t work for you.

it really sounds like this is going to be a great move for you and your daughter.

decluttering can be overwhelming but just do it in small bits - a little section each day I.e Monday pick a cupboard and do that, then Tuesday under the bed or whatever works for you and it will be done in no time.

one step at a time.

in terms of the school move - remember moving to the local school will give your daughter local friends and allows you to build up a local support network to - parents who may help out when you are having a driving lesson or do the odd school drop / pick up when your fibro is bad. - but move at the pace that works for you.

Thanks @DailyMailHater
We are still on the fence about the school. I showed DD the local area on streetview and she suddenly piped up with - "I want to move to that school, it's closer." But then she realised it's a slightly longer walk than what we do now (five minutes instead of two), and said she doesn't want to move at all, because of the walking. I showed her that the bus stop into town is so much closer than it is now, and she said she didn't mind never going into town if we stay where we are. I said to her "Isn't it boring where we are now, there's nowhere to walk to?" and her reply was "We can just go to the park everyday!". This is after nagging me every day to take her swimming across town, and there's a swimming pool next door to the new flat! She hates walking anywhere that much 😂

But it does feel like she would be open to the new school, once we are there. We will see how things are in a few months.

I've hit a brick wall with decluttering. I've packed a bag of puzzles and thrown all the stuff for getting rid of into bags on a spare sofa and it does feel do-able. It's going to all go in the attic until I'm completely packed, more or less, and then I can start ebay-ing, charity shop-ing etc. I think I have a mental block because of all the change! I do want to make a little bit of money for the move, but I'm realistic that I might not have time to.

Once she moves and starts meeting kids in the area that go to the local school she will change her mind I am sure.

decluttering is hard work but sounds like you are doing great - a little bit at a time and then take a break to enjoy Christmas and then back to it in the new year ready for your fresh start.

I agree with this. My DD was at a large 5 form Primary school. They had a large team for SEN and pastoral care too and were really good. They were known in the local area for excelling in that area. The 2 small 3 form schools nearby weren't very good according to parents I spoke to.

heya everyone! i need to update-

soooo i was visiting the area and did really love it even more, and the people were friendly and it all felt so easy. I asked a couple of people about living in the area whilst I was there and got some positive reviews, however I still had a funny feeling inside of me about the block of flats and the actual flat itself......i thought about pulling out for now, but didn't want to cause any upset.
fast forward to a few days ago and I'm strolling through the supermarket, and what do i see, but a front page piece on the newspaper for that area with a photo of the same block on it. something about a huge mould issue and broken radiators which a resident had gone to the papers over. now i've pulled out completely and the girl has told me they've taken a photo of the wrong block. apparently it's the block next door and she's annoyed and wants to speak to the council, but regardless, it's completely put me off. she says they came and checked her flat and it was fine, but who knows what's in the rest of the flats, and anyway, they were both built in a similar way (just different size and shape of blocks), it's the same court, so any problem could arise in the second block anyway. i was also thinking, if they did now do works on the block next door, due to the girl going to the papers, the noise could be horrendous to live with. but, yeah, regardless of whether it is the same block or not, it just doesn't feel good at all.

i'm just going to concentrate on trying to find some work and saving up for a car, i think.