Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like Im right to feel so sad

8 replies

Glittered · 15/10/2023 23:29

So bit of a poor me post but its just been a really couple hard weeks for me and I guess I just wanted to see if others think my feelings are valid

Been seeing someone for 18 months
Im a single mum and this is my first serious relationship after seperating from my childrens dad.

When it came to attraction and care and feeling loved he was everything I ever wanted. I considered him my person. i felt like a teenager again.

I never got my children involved as it was my thing for me my time with him. Theres a but....he was very honest about the fact he had BPD and he didnt think the same as everyone and I guess I should have been more aware of the condition.

After about 6 months I started to see a difference in him. The mood swings, the wanting to be centre of attention, the awful lows when he would get really depressed for days. he was very impulsive. after a time i found he also had anger management issues

He would dpeak to me like absolute rubbish. he would guilt trip me and be spiteful. then he would quickly apologise and be the loving person i saw in him.

This past few months its just all become too much, too draining and Im so busy with the children I couldnt always give him the time he wanted.

so i said to him i felt i needed some space, that we both did and just focus on other priorities that we both have.

I admit this was definitely me working towards ending things but trying to do it gently. But all i asked for was some space

He has turned into a completely different person. in that instant he hated me, he has told me that the whole relationship was in my head and i need to get professional help.

Im like where is all this coming from?
he is just being vile like painting me in a horrific light.

Im left feeling sad and withdrawn and like i probably do need bloody counselling myself after having such an intense relationship that has ended so abruptly.

Ive blocked him and deleted all of my own social media as i just want a break

has anyone else been i this situation with someone with bpd? it really does hurt

OP posts:
UnRavellingFast · 15/10/2023 23:33

Thank your lucky stars you had the good luck and good vision to get out when you did. His words to you were simply bc he can’t handle rejection, however gentle and civilised. Any longer with him, or god forbid, him living with you and your kids- well, you have saved the kids and yourself from a terrible experience. He’ll probably have a try at love bombing you back as this type cannot accept rejection and need a victim. Stay strong.

lifeturnsonadime · 15/10/2023 23:35

You've done the right thing OP.

He's showing you who he is. You are right to want better.

Blinkityblonk · 15/10/2023 23:36

I don't know if you have posted before, but this seems familiar. It is sad to let this go but it's absolutely the right thing, because this is who he is, and it isn't worth it just to get crumbs of love and attention. It's a terrible shame but you have done the right thing.

Glittered · 15/10/2023 23:52

Thanks ladies. i do feel sad because things could have been so much better
I think i had rose tinted glasses on
I just didn't realise the seriousness of BPD but now ive read more about it Im shocked how each and everyone of those behaviours were shown to me
its sad he is this way. sad for him i mean. but i cant fix him

OP posts:
Mydogmybestfriend · 16/10/2023 01:53

Just because you're a single mum doesn't mean you take that h you will find someone else

cassiatwenty · 16/10/2023 02:00

Just because he was honest about his BPD doesn't mean you have to be so nice to the point of staying when he's hurtful.

If there are consequences to his behaviour he's more likely to get help

And he can sod right off claiming this has all been in your head.

Guavafish1 · 16/10/2023 02:13

He sounds so difficult and drainage. Good riddance.

I would never contact him ever again.

Glittered · 16/10/2023 07:37

Ive got him blocked on everything and deactivated my social media. hes not doing anything to me but i just wanted peace
lm just so glad I was sensible enough not to get my children involved
I just wish i could stop feeling like this. weve all had break ups i know how it goes but it was such an intense relationship i feel completely drained 😞

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread