AIBU - To try and catch him in the act?
DH and I have had a stalker for a few years. He’s a relative of DH’s. He’s driven by jealously (like extreme sibling rivalry although he’s not a sibling.)
He’s responsible for fly tipping, hoax phone calls, and has admitted tracking our cars to other relatives. The worse incident took place the day after we moved house earlier this year. He broke into the grounds of the house (it’s gated and secure) and he stuck stickers over the trees and shed. The sticker is an immature calling card / private joke from when DH and him were kids. It’s outing to say but it’s a sign that means “I’m watching you” basically. I was at home alone and saw two figures in the garden. I called the police but they ran off. Then we found the stickers. Since then, we’ve found the same stickers all around the local road signs and in other places around the perimeter of the house. We got the wider family involved and he admitted it, but tried to minimise it saying it’s just a joke. We remove them but he comes at night and adds more. We’ve got CCTV but he uses a jammer. For example last time a sticker appeared on the postbox outside the house, the CCTV showed a car pull up, somebody got out and then it skipped ahead by two hours so it doesn’t capture him in action. We’ve told the Police on a number of occasions but he just denies it and the Police (perhaps rightly) aren’t that bothered by stickers. We don’t have solid evidence. We don’t know where he lives and he buys and sells cars for a living so always seems to come in different cars and we can’t catch the reg in the dark anyway.
However worryingly - we didn’t tell anyone outside our parents where we were moving to, so the fact he broke into the grounds the second day we moved in means he was either tracking or following us. I’m really scared and anxious now about it. He thinks he’s very smart and always used to brag to DH when they were still close that he could get away with anything, and he used to track his wife’s movements covertly. He is unhinged.
We did submit a non mol and got an undertaking at court that he wouldn’t come to the house again, but he’s clever enough to put the stickers just outside on landmarks around the house. We live rurally.
It sounds like I’m a loon but I now constantly feel watched and scared. The fly tipping appears overnight too. DH has joined the local neighbourwatch and got them onboard, and they admit they noticed the fly tipping has gone off the scale since we moved in, compared to before.
I wanted to get a spyware cam to try and catch him but half of me doesn’t want to give him the headspace and effort. As this is all attention seeking from him so I don’t want to play into his hands. However, I feel like he has ripped all sense of enjoyment out of my new house, which I know is exactly what he’s hoping to achieve. DH and him both come from very poor immigrant backgrounds and DH’s business has done well over the past few years. The house is pretty large (not bragging) and he’s been triggered by DH’s success.
What would you do? I have underlaying anxiety and I’m seeing a therapist for it. DH is furious with him and angry we can’t seem to make it stop. It’s been happening for years but a lot worse since we moved.
Even if he caught him fly tipping - police aren’t likely to do much. I just want it to stop. Any advice wise Mumsnetters?