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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do I stop comparing then to now?

12 replies

BirthdayCake6 · 15/10/2023 20:15

Been with boyfriend for a year now. We’re currently travelling, we spend every day together. I love it 🥰

I came across texts from when we first got together and it made me really nostalgic. It was all so much more flirty, he said some really specific compliments and made it really clear how into me he was.

I mentioned this to him and he said I was being unfair. Said of course it was more like that then; we were getting to know each other. He said because we were only seeing each other once a week, it was more exciting and built up.
I also said his compliments were more specific and thought out, and now it’ll be like “yeah you look lovely darling”. He said it’s because over text he could think a lot more and had the time to construct a response.

He says I’m being unfair and comparing apples with oranges and expecting them to be the same. He says it’s much better now because he can do things now rather than be texting a lot.

I do see his point, but am I being unreasonable? He does say lovely things in real life and gives me cuddles etc but I guess I felt a bit more effort and like flirtation. He said I’m being unfair

OP posts:
rantinglunatic · 15/10/2023 20:21

Please tell me this is a joke.

rantinglunatic · 15/10/2023 20:21

are you 13 years old?

BirthdayCake6 · 15/10/2023 20:27

I just felt like it was a lot different. That’s hardly helpful

OP posts:
toadasoda · 15/10/2023 20:41

I think this is normal OP, as the relationship evolves to a new phase we gain something but lose something too. I don't think you can even truly recover the excitement and anticipation of those early days. Just try to enjoy where you are now!

Annoyingfly · 15/10/2023 20:47

Dh patted me on the head as I sat on the bed the other morning. I was thrilled.
Wait until you've been together 40 years...

Annoyingfly · 15/10/2023 20:48

BirthdayCake6 · 15/10/2023 20:27

I just felt like it was a lot different. That’s hardly helpful

Of course it's different. Life isn't static. YaBU.

rantinglunatic · 15/10/2023 20:50

Annoyingfly · 15/10/2023 20:47

Dh patted me on the head as I sat on the bed the other morning. I was thrilled.
Wait until you've been together 40 years...

😂this!

KnowledgeableMomma · 15/10/2023 22:10

YABU. Relationships naturally change and mature the longer you two are together. It is great and wonderful that he is still giving you compliments (hopefully, unprompted). If you want more flirty and specific compliments, try returning the favor and see what comes of it.

anonimoxyz · 15/10/2023 22:26

You can't keep up the lust forever. The love is better but it's for the long term without the intensity

Aitrop · 15/10/2023 22:34

You’re being totally unfair and creating an issue out of absolutely nothing.

WhateverMate · 15/10/2023 22:37

So the things you text and say to him now, are exactly the same as a year ago?

Branleuse · 15/10/2023 22:46

I think specific compliments are more special.
Not sure why he's being defensive over that, unless you were blaming him specifically for the romance to have dwindled?
Do you compliment him in that way too?

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