Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fed up of child's football coach

53 replies

YellowRoses100 · 15/10/2023 19:16

I've looked to see where I can post this. But not sure so posting for traffic.

Firstly I want to say the guy is really decent and I do fully appreciate him volunteering his time for the team. On a personal note I get in well with him.

My child has been playing football since they were 4. They've had some bad luck with teams. Due to bankrupsy, no one able to coach etc. So they had to change teams a few times. They have now played for this team for 3 years its Sunday team and they're in Division 2. The players on the team are good. They all play for different teams on Saturdays at Junior Prem level as well as some County players.

At the end of last season they lost a few players to other teams and recruited some new players, some never played before.

They're a great bunch of kids. However my child and loads of the others are getting fed up with the managers tactics. He always has 4 subs. And he changes 4 players at once. He calculates how much time each player is entitled to play for equally and this is how he subs. However he doesn't sub players off with mixed abilities. The team will be winning and then he will put on the 4 weakest players, and remove the 4 strongest players. They have now lost all their matches this season conceding the lead when changes happen. My child has asked him to stop doing this. They said its confusing and mixes up the game too much. Opposition parents have told us their team hold back their strongest players till he does this and then subs them on as they see the managers tactics.

My child is now wanting to leave the team and I feel really sad about this as they struggle to make friends, but they are really ambitous and they want to win.

This is a really tricky position to be in as I know I'm not the coach but
I do volunteer to run the line, take pics and am always early to set up. I always thy the kids snacks. Even though my child plays in other teams this is the one they really wanna excel in and I feel conflicted. What would you do?

OP posts:
Homesweethome23 · 15/10/2023 20:25

My son plays U14 and it’s very competitive, our coach wouldn’t do something like this and would only put on a weak player with stronger players not take 4 good players off to put 4 weaker players on together.

Have parents asked the coach why he does this as it doesn’t make sense as the ultimate goal of a match is to win especially at this age.

Original poster
YellowRoses100 · 15/10/2023 20:26

This is exactly what the more experienced players have asked him. They along with my child approached him in training- they asked him to sub off player one at a time. If he does sub off 4 at a time. Then 2 of these players to be experienced and 2 to be less experienced. They're a really inclusive and friendly bunch. They're able to articulate themselves. They don't need parents to speak for them. But today they were winning 2 -nil and he subbed 4 off and 4 on and they conceded 4 goals in 15 mins. My child is saying they don't want to play anymore as its so demotivating.

OP posts:
curaçao · 15/10/2023 20:30

YellowRoses100 · 15/10/2023 20:26

This is exactly what the more experienced players have asked him. They along with my child approached him in training- they asked him to sub off player one at a time. If he does sub off 4 at a time. Then 2 of these players to be experienced and 2 to be less experienced. They're a really inclusive and friendly bunch. They're able to articulate themselves. They don't need parents to speak for them. But today they were winning 2 -nil and he subbed 4 off and 4 on and they conceded 4 goals in 15 mins. My child is saying they don't want to play anymore as its so demotivating.

Your dc sounds like a sulky brat! Maybe uou should train as a football coach and volunteer your weekends and field tge entitled parental complaints about whatever decision you make

Homesweethome23 · 15/10/2023 20:33

My son would feel the same as would his team mates, we would be looking for a new team asap.

Budgiegirlbob · 15/10/2023 20:39

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the (many) years that my DH was a kids football coach, it’s that no matter what you do, there’ll be someone that doesn’t like it.

The coach’s tactics do sound a bit unusual, but at least he’s giving everyone a chance to play. If you’ve raised your concerns, and the style of football is not to your liking, then perhaps it’s time for your DC to find a club more in line with how they want to play football.

But be prepared for the fact that if they choose a team that only plays to win, it can get very cutthroat, and there’s a possibility that it may be your DC that ends up with not much game time.

Original poster
YellowRoses100 · 15/10/2023 20:42

Wow..u sound charming. My child is not a brat. They really love playing football and want the new players to succeed. They've also been in previous teams where I've driven 2 hours to a match for them to be benched. This is part of football.

I do volunteer my time. I run the line at every match. Put up the goals, put these away, do the respect line and arrange socials and snack for the kids. I do all the administrative tasks for the team.

OP posts:
XelaM · 15/10/2023 21:02

OP - it's crazy what the coach is doing and some people on this thread clearly are not into sports. At that age it has to be about winning otherwise there is no point and it's totally demotivating. Speak to the coach and then to the club. The coach sounds incompetent.

Epicstorm · 15/10/2023 21:03

curaçao
Your dc sounds like a sulky brat!

No he doesn’t. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to win if you’re involved in competitive sport. He’s not saying the weaker players shouldn’t have a turn or making them unwelcome. The coach will lose all the better players if he doesn’t change his tactics. The team want to win. That’s the point of competitive sport.

Topsyturvy33 · 15/10/2023 21:10

Everyone is a football coach / expert / pundit but not many will step up and give up their time (for a lot more than training and matches too!)

How old is your DC? I’m assuming under 11 or younger as its equal Playing time (and also non competitive and scores etc are not recorded). If they are older think it’s fine to not have equal

Ideally the coach would Balance the team a little better to ensure a good mix (eg not all weak players together) but as those players are on the same team it is and should be equal playing time.

of course some coaches are all about the winning but it should really be about children learning to play the game properly,

RocketIceLollie · 15/10/2023 21:22

If your child wants to play for a new team then go with that I say. No good him being unhappy in something he wants to enjoy.

Sandsnake · 15/10/2023 21:23

That’s a ridiculous strategy! I’m all for giving kids equal game time but taking four strong players off for four weak ones is ridiculous. I’d have been frustrated as a kid too. It also doesn’t help the weaker kids in any way as nobody wants to be in a position where they come on only to turn a win into a loss. Rubbish for their self-esteem as well as team morale.

I coach minis rugby and working out subs at tournaments is one of the trickiest parts! Why don’t you see if he’s up for you being the ‘subs co-ordinator’ or similar? He could focus on coaching and tactics and you could make sure each player is getting fair game time but the team remains balanced. When we have enough coaches for two per team at rugby this is what we do and it works really well.

Oblomov23 · 15/10/2023 22:03

Op said they are 14.
Gone are the days for this nonsense, of including everybody.

That is fine for say 4-8+. giving everyone equal opportunities.

But, by this age group it is an extremely competitive year and you field your strongest team. Fact. every coach should be doing this, without question.

so to put on less able players is ridiculous. Everyone deserves five minutes but they should literally be given five or 10 minutes and the strongest team should be field. at all times to enable the win. Any coach doing any anything other at age 14+ is ridiculous.

so you have to factor that in, if he needs to move. I would suggest having a word with a coach, asking for this is his plan long-term. and if not move him him.

evrey · 16/10/2023 06:38

I too had assumed the children were younger. At under 14 s the coach has the right to put forward his strongest team .
Understandable that he wants the new ones to have game time but not all together .
However coaches are very stubborn and don't tend to back down to suggestions from anyone , including the players.
My DS having played since the age of 7 got frustrated at U15s when they brought people in 'for numbers' who had had no training . But as a pp said you can leave and go to a stronger team but he is likely to be benched if they are already established.

LolaSmiles · 16/10/2023 06:50

I thought the children were going to be younger from hearing his approach.

What's the point in players putting the effort in and training if they wake up every weekend to know that their manager is going to deliberately make decisions to make it unlikely they'll win?

It's rubbish for weaker players too, who aren't stupid and will know every week that when they're all put on the team's performance plummets.

qwerty123454 · 16/10/2023 06:55

How is he giving equal playing time if he only has four subs?

His tactics sound bizarre

Original poster
YellowRoses100 · 16/10/2023 07:06

Thanks for all your messages.

I realised that he is nto giving subs equal time as DH stated this meaning 2 played the whole game. But not kore experience players. My child is an attacking winger and when they conceded the first goal he took her off and she remained off for the rest of the match. He replayed her by a player who by her own admission can't kick a ball....

The coach has always stated that FA say they all require equal playing time. I really think my child doesn't want to play anymore. She's really demotivated now.

Fwiw this is a girls team and league. And a lot of girls drop put at this age that's what I'm worried about.

It's a high standard in this league.

OP posts:
Budgiegirlbob · 16/10/2023 08:32

My child is an attacking winger and when they conceded the first goal he took her off and she remained off for the rest of the match. He replayed her by a player who by her own admission can't kick a ball....

But presumably the player who can’t kick a ball wants to play. And should get a go, as she’s turned up and put in the effort. She shouldn’t be stuck on the sidelines for the whole match, that wouldn’t be fair either. What about her motivation? She’d probably leave if she got no game time.

At your DDs age, I agree that the competitive side of things should be greater. And equal game time may not be appropriate. But some game time for all is appropriate, otherwise the team will lose the players who turn up and don’t get game time. Lose enough of those, and there’ll be no team for your DD anyway.

LargeMeateor · 16/10/2023 08:40

My child plays football and it is a club stipulation (could be from the FA) that each child gets equal time on the pitch.

Our coach does get a bit frustrated with this as sometimes you need someone to stay on so I think he bases his game plan on equal time however it may not be exactly equal by the end but I've never heard anyone say anything, it's not obvious that some have had more minutes.

What age is this? How many on the pitch.
Last season we had too many players some matches so the coach said that this season he would do a rota so that there were never too many subs as it does interrupt the game dynamics. Then 3 left so it wasn't needed.
Would that be an idea in your child's matche's that you could suggest?

ShellySarah · 16/10/2023 08:41

The OP says my child most of the time but says Her once or twice. It's a girls football team. Not sure why OP is trying to hide that or why everyone assumes it is boys.

Original poster
YellowRoses100 · 16/10/2023 08:55

I'm not hiding that it's a girl. I'm new to MN. I have said she.

OP posts:
Pumpkinspicelattetime · 16/10/2023 09:37

@Topsyturvy33 why would you assume its U11 when the OP has already stated its U14? Could save yourself a lot of typing if you just read the OPs posts

Tessasanderson · 16/10/2023 09:58

Its just different interpretations of rules. Some like experienced/inexperienced being mixed in subs. Some like to get a good lead in place with strong team then mix in the inexperienced players. Some like to start with inexperience and bring on experience/better players later.

None of it right, none of it wrong. As long as the time quotas are met its all good.

I did it for 10 years and tbh it can grate a little when someone has played a great game and worked their socks off, only to find its their turn to be substituted. There are other times when a lesser player has really performed brilliantly and really stepped up only to find its their turn to come off. Rules actually achieve the reverse in this situation because you would want to reward the lesser player with MORE game time.

I must admit i am not a lover of the guaranteed time on the pitch tbh. It is killing the game because the local amateur league numbers are disappearing. Ours used to have 3 divisions in U16/u18 football and now its down to 4 teams. What this is telling me is that kids are being introduced to football, all clean & fun. Its all good when its guaranteed time etc. But when things get a little difficult and players need to step up and earn their place they are just quitting. A child who loves football and will be playing into their adult years will usually accept being sub and earning their time on the pitch.

lanthanum · 16/10/2023 10:34

"HI coach, great match last week. By the way, I've heard on the mums' grapevine that other coaches have noticed that you always put the strongest players on together at the start, and so they're exploiting that when they deploy their own players. I wonder whether it's worth mixing it up a bit? Entirely up to you of course, and we do appreciate that you make sure that they all get their playing time."

CuppaJoeJojo · 16/10/2023 10:40

I hold a UEFA level coaching licence. Giving your players as much equal time as possible IS what you’re supposed to do. As for subbing all 4 at the same time, I wouldn’t - I would do 1/2… but is it because he doesn’t have someone to belp
keep an eye on the timings?
Our team is usually everyone has 15 mins off but one of us is managing that specifically.

the upshot is - if that’s the coaches method/ plans and you don’t like it then find another team.

CuppaJoeJojo · 16/10/2023 10:47

One of our teams has just folded because the coach was so focused on wining games that he would take subs, not play them ( this is u12s) and pick the same players every week. And play the kids in fixed positions - NOT a good thing to do if you’re developing players for the future. You need to have them try different positions, and yes you may lose games but it’s the bigger picture.

The kids not picked were getting bored, frustrated, not developing their potential. They dropped football, moved teams.

Then the good ones moved, then another then another decided to focus on another sport.
Suddenly the coach had no players. The more skilful players left were frustrated at losing ( which they weren’t used to), the developing players struggled. No-one was having fun or enjoying playing. It was all to stupidly serious.
Bye bye team. The coach quit because we wouldn’t let him have another age group or team. He ruined it for the kids.