To have constant social anxiety

[brujarosada]

Had a great time at a friend's house last night. Our children had a lovely time, we ate a nice meal, we bought nice hostess gifts. We stuck around a bit late but the hosts reassured us that we were welcome.

My boyfriend's perception is that everyone had fun.

I sent a text afterwards saying we had a lovely time and my friend gave it a thumbs up.

Similarly, last weekend my boyfriend and I went away to see some of his extended family who were visiting from abroad. I tried to be helpful and friendly, cleared tables, raved about the food etc. Someone mentioned offhandedly that we haven't been together that long but my daughter and boyfriend get along beautifully. They otherwise were totally warm, said we should travel to visit them, joked about inviting themselves to ours.

Despite everything seeming on its face to be totally positive, I am obsessing about whether these people secretly dislike me or find me annoying.

I've had various friends dump me over the years and it's confusing every time. I'm terrified of it happening again.

AIBU??? Why am I like this?

I’m the same.
The curse of overthinking.

@PushingPeopleAway do you think that's really it??? How would I know if my friends were starting to hate me??? Ahhhhhhhh

Socialising is a minefield. Avoid!

I'm like this and it's worsened since Covid, probably a combination of not properly socialising for ages and then working from home permanently.

I have this with new people I meet at my kids school/clubs, people I know already as acquaintances, neighbours and even my oldest friends. Things run through my head like 'was I talking too much? Did I say the right things? I'm really annoying. They don't like me'.

For me it's being a people pleaser and wanting people to like me. I've had CBT for other stuff before but I'm trying to use it myself for this anxiety at the moment. Basically saying to myself 'what evidence have I got that I was annoying/weird/spoke to much?'. Usually the answer is none!

Can you pinpoint when and how this started? Finding the root cause, and dealing with that, is the key to resolving this issue.

I've always been like this. For me, it's because I'm quite shy and lack confidence. I suppose deep down I find it hard to believe that people like me (or at least don't find me weird!!).
However, it has improved with age. In my teens and 20s it was out of control. Now I'm 48 I'm much more comfortable in my own skin. I like that expression "Other people's opinions of you are none of your business" and it's true. Try not to obsess about it. Just be yourself and they'll either like you or they won't.
I used to be crippled with anxiety when I met DH's friends as they're all successful academics, professors etc. They all appear to be so clever, confident and self assured. However, now I don't sweat it. The very worst thing they could think about me is that I'm a bit quiet - and let's be honest, there are worse qualities to have.