If you lack close friendships - do you find it difficult being around acquaintances?

[fuckinglife]

I lost my second parent this year and it has become apparent how much I lack close friendships. I have a wonderful DP so I am very lucky, but I am lonely. I moved away from my hometown in my 20's for work reasons and also because I needed specialist medical care that was of a much higher quality in London, which probably saved my life.

I'm not working now because my physical and mental health has me quite low, but I am volunteering, just a few hours a week. The people are so lovely and I enjoy the company when I'm there. However, there is so much talk of families and I just have hardly any now, and I am struggling with not being able to have kids, and of course people chat away about their kids. I enjoy hearing all the lively chatter on one level, but on another it makes me feel even more profoundly alone, and also pointless.

Similarly, I do keep in touch with some lovely old friends via social media and see them occasionally, and it's so nice that we can do that. But again it makes me feel even more alone in a way.

Everyone has their 'proper' networks of family and close friends, and I just don't? There is something about being on the outskirts that makes me feel awkward and want to withdraw from everyone completely but I don't do that of course, because I'm interested in their lives and am fond of them.

Can anyone relate to any of these feelings?

Yanbu OP, I feel somewhat similar to you as a LP without a network of friends and no family nearby to help meaning a social life is almost impossible to have. And I simply haven't fitted in with other parents and kids, which makes things even worse!

Sounds like you need a few different networks to dip in and out of even if they are acquaintances - you will at least feel better that you have another group to go to and a more active social life even if you're not overly embedded in each group. Friendships as an adult are much harder to come by. And IMO can't be forced. The only way I think are to repeatedly frequent the same place, hobby, group activity longer term.

Have you considered a dog or cat maybe?

Yes this is how I feel. I was juggling single parenting plus career plus my own health battles for so long, everyone drifted away and although I have friends I am in touch with they all have their own "real" friendship groups that I am not part of. And I feel really acutely aware of that.

Totally understand your feelings. I have people that I know, but don't have friendship. I have 2 sisters but I think my life's experiences have me keeping my guard up with those too.

I'm really struggling with people at the moment. I've been a lone parent for nearly 10 years, friends drifted away when I couldn't keep up with their social lives. One parent gone, one a few hundred miles away who I'm not particularly close to - I call them a couple of times a month, but it's been years since they called me.

Acquaintances, colleagues, people who speak to me at bus stops - all give me the rage at the moment. It's like I can't abide any more small talk.

I do understand somewhat. I've also lost both parents, I have health problems and some friends have drifted away, so I have few close friends now. It does feel very hard and lonely with grief and the onset of menopause not helping.

It's all a bit shite isn't it. How are we supposed to get over these situations that are just down to luck meaning we don't have a comfortable amount of family and friends?

It's really upsetting and not sure how to feel ok.