Need some good advice

[Followtheyellowbrickroad1]

NC not really a (aibu)

I live rural , single, dc primary age no family support network here . Moved away from the area my family are years ago .

Health changes this year which have finally got me referred to rheumatology. One doc suspects peri menopause with osteoarthritis. At the moment it’s a waiting game.

I realise i need to be close to hobbies for child doctors , hospitals, shopping etc
Where I am currently there is no local shop even , everywhere is a drive .
Me and dc both want to move closer to civilisation but here is my dilemma.

Untill recently it was decided we would
move back to family . Also saves driving hours to visit everyone which I do and might not be able to continue.
Dc now seems more than ready to leave the area we live in, although has her moments too.
Spanner in the works or life line is theres maybe an option to stay in the same area but in the city rather than rural .
This would cut time off the journey to family but still a decent drive .
This would be my choice but dc seems heart set on moving to family.

Is it un realistic to think I can stay where i am if I am diagnosed with these health issues ?

Is it unfair on dc to change the plans?

Wwud?

If you stayed in the same area but in the city could you visit family using public transport ?

Also consider how much support you might actually get from family? If you moved close to them and then they were not supportive either practically or emotionally how would that make you feel ?

If family would be supportive then I would move closer to them to remove the need to drive.

I think you should also consider that your DC might be feeling apprehensive or scared about your health issues and want the reassurance that family might offer ?

@readsalotgirl63 thanks for the reply. .

That’s a great point ,yes that’s an option a good one .
You are spot on this is my concern . I know everyone has their own lives especially since I’ve been away years . I initially moved away because I couldn’t be around everyone and not get the support I felt I needed .

The family dynamics have changed since then though . There not ideal but changed .

I think the family would step up for my young dc and In an emergency but it won’t be life changing stuff.

I wonder if I should delay the move untill

I've seen the hospital.

Ive always been so independent this is all new to me . My dc has spent most of their life here .
They do visit every other month but I do the driving . I do all the visiting . Nothing is returned.

Ive not said to much to dc but I’ve spent months this year “tired “ and when I’ve been bad I’ve had to mention to be careful as I’m sore .

The work I do I can’t do now so everything has to change. .I’ve been fit and healthy looking in but had niggling stuff going on this year it’s at the stage I can’t ignore (not that I was more the doctors ) finally being listened too.

Can you wait? Appointments can take six months. Have you spoken to your family about your health? The potential is for your teen to be your carer, in a quite isolated place. However I've seen the future not be as bleak as thought. I'm 55 and my friends 60+ are living more of a life with arthritis, than they ever thought they would. Are you looking to buy or rent?

Would it help if you talked to your family, explained the situation, and asked what they felt about you moving? If you can get some honest answers about what support might be forthcoming it might help you decide your next step

@Ponoka7 i feel mentally I can adjust if it was osteoarthritis I can get fitter physically .
I highly doubt it’s that though and sadly very much swinging to inflammatory it’s hard not knowing what’s to do without diagnosis .
Been diagnosed with fibromyalgia I felt relief that was short lived knew something wasn’t right . Then I look at paper work and the doc has put M E . Other doc says little and says menopause .
My friend has R A and it’s all so familiar . My bones /joints have changed so much I can’t look . I initially went to doc and asked for testing for RA I’ve been back and forth to them for 4 years ! Now my bloods have inflammation( which I know doesn’t always need to have for RA )
I have two older dc where family are so if I stay do I miss out on dgc wheh the time comes due to health issues.
My heart is here my head says there .

I think my main question is do I stay here for now ( as In take the city move ) it won’t effect hospital appointments ) as I can alway go back to family if the worst happens .

I want to do what’s best for my dc .
In now way fo I want her my carer .

@BrownOwlknowsbest ive tried for most of this year but I’ve a step parent who’s nose is out of joint at the idea of me around full
time again lol So I’ve made the decision And not much has been mentioned really.
My dc would go once a month for two nights like they do now if I move . Wouldn’t be once a week or anything . My df try’s to help as much as he can but he’s taken a slight health turn recently again usually very fit .
Also has a wife a good few years younger so busy life . Still works and uses AL for holidays .

I have RA and when first diagnosed I couldn’t even dress myself. There are a wide variety of new treatments that are available now and it can be life changing once they find the right one for you. Perhaps it would be worthwhile to wait until you get a diagnosis.

Thank-you. This is what I am thinking.
they say around 4 mths where I am but like you say could easily be 6 mths or more .

Can I ask how does the RA effect you?
Are you able do everything with your medication controlled if only a little slower ?

The main thing now is the lethargy, opening things and can’t walk as far as I did. I rarely get flares. I still work, don’t claim any benefits and raised three children. It can get you down sometimes and I did have to have a couple of surgical procedures because of the damage done to my joints before I was diagnosed. You do learn to manage it and my rheumatologist and the department are fantastic. I think the main hurdle is getting the diagnosis and finding the right treatment. The treatment does make me immunosuppressed so I have to be careful with infections, especially Covid. I’m doing okay and I’m sure you will be too, look after yourself.

@CheshireCat1 thats what gets me the fatigue . At end of last year I was trying to do shopping and dropping things everywhere ..
My job is physically demanding and it’s killing me so making changes for something else still pushing through for now .
tbf I need to slow down and now my body is telling me to do so .
Time to up the self care

I will you too .