Husband’s parenting style… or lack of?!

[Hey12345]

Hi!

So just to keep it short (because there is so much I disagree with DH with regards to parenting), yesterday my DH was on the floor with 6mo DD. He got a bowl and fork out of his work bag (why then and not after work the other day IDK), and he just leaves it on the floor. DD is playing with the fork, I’m cooking in the kitchen (open plan) so I tell him to take the for off DD, he says ok but is on his phone so leaver her for a bit, I have to get angry with him to get him to take the fork off her NOW not later! I said a fork is not very child friendly, the fork was pointing upwards in her hand and was close to her eye!!

Please, I’m not overreacting am I? To think it’s bloody stupid to allow a baby to play with a fork?

Honestly there’s so much silly things like this that he does and I’m just so exhausted with it all and him acting as if I’m overreacting, but I’m not am I?

I'd be annoyed at him just leaving it on the floor never mind the fact that the baby was able to grab the fork. Does he think the house fairies will just pick it up and wash it for him?

Is he lazy at home in general?

He’s an idiot!
At that age children have no control over motion, their arms flail/jerk often, so they can easily stab themselves with pencils, forks, etc.
His risk assessment is shit, I wouldn’t trust him.

I agree with @Laurdo. This is about laziness. He sees you as the manager and expects that you'll deal with any problems. I'd tell him you need a husband, not another person who needs to be cared for. It's exhausting and frustrating to have to watch him like a hawk so he won't hurt the baby.

@Laurdo it’s as if you know him!!!

I always say he leaves his things everywhere and the fairies tidy them up.

He is generally lazy, yes. 100%. He does do the dishes almost every night and he does think that this is more than enough house duties! Just because it’s (almost) every night he does feel like he’s doing his bit because it takes 30mins of his time every day. But of course imagine how long I take hoovering, mopping, general tidying up ev-er-y single night after 3 kids (1 baby, 1 5yo and a 35yo!!!).

I’m so exhausted. He does work 2 jobs, works 9-5 at one then one or two nights a week in a bar. But I also work (part-time), but I am also in Uni too. As well as having 2 children. And I feel like he should be doing more than he is.

@7Worfs

after we had our first (5 years ago) he would always call me a h&s officer, but why not be very aware of risks? I’m trying to keep my child (now children) as safe as possible. I know you can’t make sure nothing happens, but I can make sure no stupid things happen like a fork in the eye for example!

He agrees with me when I explain what could happen but it’s so exhausting being with someone who is as if he only knows how to worry about himself.

Yes OP, my DH is the same - oblivious to very real risks that I spot from a mile.

Might be how our brains are wired, but it’s extremely irritating and exhausting to be in charge of all risk assessment. At least DS seems to have inherited my good sense, he always tells me that he’ll climb the frame and be careful not to fall. 😬

Your husband sounds downright dangerous! Whether it's through laziness, maliciousness or stupidity I don't know.

I hope he didn't let the baby have the fork just to piss you off? That would be horrendous.

I agree with you - a six month old holding a fork is a nasty accident waiting to happen.

On a different topic, it sound as though you are both pushing yourselves way too much and with two small children in the mix, there's bound to be trouble. Is there anyway you can take the pressure off yourselves maybe until the little one is in nursery or school?

There's a reason baby / toddler cutlery / forks are blunted at the end!

The thing is, even if he was pulling his weight, picking something up takes 2 seconds or ya know, just don't drop it on the floor in the first place.

Start picking up anything he leaves at his arse and put it on his side of the bed. That way it's out of the reach of the baby and maybe he'll get your point.

I did this with my DH. He would just leave things at his arse so for 2 days I just refused to pick up things I hadn't dropped. I thought he would notice the state of the place but he didn't. I had to take him a tour of the house and point out all the shit he'd dropped. He got the point, apologized and has been much better since.

@Chamomileteaplease

It sound as though you are both pushing yourselves way too much and with two small children in the mix, there's bound to be trouble. Is there anyway you can take the pressure off yourselves maybe until the little one is in nursery or school?

I agree. I have told him I’m going to really struggle working nights, doing this uni course, and bringing up a baby. I’ve asked him if he would leave his second job, because it’s better for that one to be dropped than my job because I bring more money in than his second job. But because we’re buying a new house soon and it needs some work he doesn’t really want to leave it. But I’m struggling trying to be the sole parent, sole cleaner, sole manager of the house and having to work and study. If he would leave his second job he would be more available to help out at home, but whether he would actually help out more is a different story unfortunately 😥

I feel so deflated. So tired. Like today the house is an absolute mess, I have an assignment coming up that I would like to work on, I didn’t sleep much last night because of the baby and only had 3 hours sleep yesterday after a night shift so I’m exhausted. We’re going to Manchester for the night tomorrow night (without kids) so I need to get things ready for my MIL who will be watching the girls, but he’s gone to golf. He said for me to relax and he’ll do everything later and for me to do some uni work but I know full well he can’t clean, cook and watch the kids the same time like I have to. He will only ask for help every 5 minutes!!

@Laurdo every time it gets to the point where I’m emotionally and mentally tired of his s@*t and have to have a real discussion, he says he understands, he’s sorry, and he will change, but a month down the line he’s back to his old tricks.

Not only that but when I have mini discussions he just stonewalls me. Doesn’t want any negativity against him ever so also gets upset if I say something negative to him. But when I get to that point and he knows I’m serious when I say I’m almost done with it all he’ll change, for a bit.

He’s gone to golf… that, in a very few words, tells me everything I need to know.

He’s a lazy, selfish, irresponsible man baby. You’re the default house and baby manager, he ‘helps’ you and thinks he is a hero for doing the barest minimum.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you get “you’re lucky, I do more than most men” in an argument.