Dealing with anger coming up for my friend

[maria57]

My friends husband died tragically.
The lead up to the death their marriage had some difficulties but they were slowly getting back on track.
Last time I seen him I witnessed a very vulnerable man who was doing what he could to please wife...although she was having problems letting things go.
I have been doing all I can to support her but I am now finding some anger coming up from me regarding some of her behaviour in the marriage and comments she made to me during the marriage.
She was not innocent in the marriage although I believe she would like to believe more of the problems in the marriage lay with her husband.
I keep thinking about the last time I seen him and how sorry I felt for him. And now the tragic way he lost his life....when he had many years left to live.
I am upset about his loss of life and right now anger is coming up for me towards my friend as she deals with her grief, regrets & guilt.
Although she is still talking about what he did wrong to her.
I am also finding some of her behaviour not being fair 100% to me.
Although I wont be walked over...I am feeling like I want to distance myself from her right now.
How do I deal with this...If you great people could give me advice I would appreciate it.

It sounds like you're not the right person to be close to her right now. The feelings you're having could be very damaging to her wellbeing at a difficult time.

Did he take his own life?

You have every right to your feelings but I think it would be wrong to express or show them to her, if you feel you can't avoid that then I would distance yourself for now, in the kindest way possible.

No he did not take his own life.

She’s the wrong audience for your anger. But equally you don’t have to support her at your expense.

There will be wrong on both sides. Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean he was a saint.
She will believe she was right. If he were here he would believe he was.
Support your friend. She’s grieving. If you can’t support her then you aren’t her friend and you should just walk away from the friendship

Gymmum 82 No one is a Saint... I dont believe he would ever say he was right either based on my last seeing them both together and what he shared in conversation.
More apologies written from him to my friend have been seen since his death also.
I have been a VERY good friend and have been supporting my friend in more ways than one.
However I have seen another side to her ... not honest and fair...even towards me.

If you can't give unbiased support stay away from her. It's not your place to apportion blame.

Wow. Umm, I would say it is not about you? Have you heard of the circles of grief? Support in (to someone closer to the deceased), complain out (to someone you know who doesn't know them/is less close). From your post I can't see that the bereaved woman has done anything wrong, but maybe she has treated you badly in ways you've not described.

OP she's not in her normal state of mind while she's grieving - nor are you.

I think you should encourage her to talk to someone more objective, and so should you.

Otherwise you may end up having an Almighty row from which it may be difficult to recover.

She is grieving and grieving can make someone act in all kinds of ways and it is one of the most difficult things to go through and unless you have lost someone close to you it is very hard to even imagine what she is going through. So it is best if you do not say anything to her and keep your distance and if she asks why just tell her that she may be better to go to bereavement counselling. She is your friend and you sound a bit unfair and judgmental of her and yes two sides to every situation but she is your friend first and foremost. If you cannot be supportive then say nothing.