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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH making me 'bristle'

10 replies

Jumpleaprun · 14/10/2023 17:16

Listened to a podcast recently that spoke about when a partner can make you 'bristle' and it usually refers to when someone is initiating sex and I realizes that this happens to me A LOT lately. I think it comes from the fact that I hate how transparent and obvious it is and I hate that I know exactly when he's doing it and its such a turn off! Is there a way to explain this in a way that's not tonally crushing or am I just being unreasonable? Its making me not want to sleep with him because it feels so teenage and like I can just know the agenda instantly and gives me the ick! Advice!

OP posts:
Laurdo · 14/10/2023 17:19

I think in general men don't really do subtle hints. They're pretty black and white about things.

Gwendimarco · 14/10/2023 17:30

does it just come down to your partner being ‘in the mood’ and you’re just not?

Think it’s natural to bristle / feel icky at anyone getting suggestive if you’re not feeling that way yourself.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/10/2023 17:34

Either you arrange set days for sex and agree that he won’t ask on any other days, or one of you has to initiate and it seems like that’s just more likely to be him.

Healthandsocialcaremodule · 14/10/2023 17:35

Is there a sudden effort to meet your non sexual needs when he wants sex. Is more attentive and caring in a way that's lacking usually? I think bristling is normal in those circumstances.

Original poster
Jumpleaprun · 14/10/2023 17:43

I think part of the problem is that we dont touch any more in loving ways that arent sexual, so now when I feel 'the hand' or he comes up to me and starts kissing I immediately know where he wants to take it.

OP posts:
Laurdo · 14/10/2023 18:32

I think the problem is the lack of affection rather than is style of initiating sex. Maybe of he was meeting your needs properly he would be giving you the ick.

Speak to him about the lack of affection he shows you and how that makes you feel.

Sayitaintso33 · 15/10/2023 07:15

You must be honest with your husband and tell him you don't want him to touch you when he wants sex. Tell him to leave the initiating to you.

He has a right to know where he stands.

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 15/10/2023 07:17

What was the podcast?

JMSA · 15/10/2023 07:32

Laurdo · 14/10/2023 18:32

I think the problem is the lack of affection rather than is style of initiating sex. Maybe of he was meeting your needs properly he would be giving you the ick.

Speak to him about the lack of affection he shows you and how that makes you feel.

Exactly. The only time my ex-husband was ever affectionate was as a starter to the main course 🙄

Laurdo · 15/10/2023 12:00

JMSA · 15/10/2023 07:32

Exactly. The only time my ex-husband was ever affectionate was as a starter to the main course 🙄

Show quote history

He's obviously an ex for a reason. Definitely speak to you husband. Mention that he never shows affection, that you'd like cuddles on the couch etc etc. Tell him how the lack of affection makes you feel.

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