DH always making plans

[TeddynIzzy]

DH and I have one DD, she’s 2. We are happy in every way, arguments rare. The only issue is DH is always making plans, either for himself which leave me either childcare, for just the two of us which means finding other childcare or for all of us.
He is a freelancer, so when we had DD he decided to cut his hours and find more consistent work. This is great but now he finds himself easy bored.
This weekend and last were dictated by his plans as will the next two.
For context
Last Friday DH took the day off to go sailing with friends, usually he gets DD from nursery on Fridays but obviously couldn’t so I had to rush back. He wasn’t home until gone 11pm.
Last Saturday he was invited to the 50th of someone he vaguely knows, was desperate for me to go with, but it was a bit out of the way. Had to arrange a babysitter for DD (no local family), get a hotel etc. Then Sunday he’d decided instead of going to our normal Sunday lunch pub we’d go into central London and have lunch with his friends. DD hadn’t slept well the night before so was grumpy and definitely just wanted quick food and a nap.
This weekend, he is doing a job he does every month, Thursday to Sunday but pays well and he enjoys it. This again meant me doing the Friday pick up and being home with DD.
Tonight he will be home for 9, then it’s another friends birthday party. This friend has a party basically every year and we see her often anyway so I suggested we pass. No no he’s already told everyone DD and I will be there at 7.30 (only one other kid will be there). Now it’s rude if I don’t show but no doubt by the time DH arrives at 9/9.30 DD will be well over tired and I’ll have to take her home.
Next weekend he is meeting another friend for dinner and drinks on Friday so another Friday where I’m home alone with DD. On Saturday we are going to visit his godparents.
The following weekend he’s got all sorts of Halloween things planned for us all, including 2 parties!!

In all honesty I just want a night off, I want to go drink wine with my friends without worrying about DD waking. I want a family day in to do some crafts or snuggle up and watch a film.
I feel like I have no control over my life. DHs solution is always get a babysitter but DD never sleeps well when we aren’t home and I’d actually quite like a night in with DH for a change.

AIBU to think he is packing our diary too full and it wouldn’t hurt to slow down and have a weekend of doing nothing?

He's YABU to expect YOU to find childcare! If he's planning, he's planning the whole lot.

He's also BU to make plan where YOU are the childcare.

He's not BU not to want to spend the weekend at home doing nothing, I can't think of anything worst, but you can talk to him? Tell him YOU want a weekend off, and not to plan anything for you.

I just want a night off, I want to go drink wine with my friends without worrying about DD waking. I want a family day in to do some crafts or snuggle up and watch a film. … I’d actually quite like a night in with DH for a change.

Have you told him this? Rather than focus on whether you do or don’t want to go to a particular event, or if it’s reasonable for him to make plans on his pick up days (which it isn’t btw). Talk to him about YOUR needs and what YOU want to do.

It sounds to me like he’s a real extrovert party person who thinks being out and about all the time is fun. While you are a bit more of a homebody. Right now his preference is dominating your plans as a family. You need to find a better balance as a couple where you get what you want too. That will mean him making some compromises. And the only way to get to that is to talk about it properly.

Look around for a regular baby-sitter. Someone that your DC can hopefully get to know over several years (with a bit of luck).
With no family around, you need to start building a relationship with a babysitter that you can trust.

Oh he's one of those special people who thinks having a child should have no effect on your social life and hobbies. My husband never agrees social events for us both unless he checks with me, and he appreciates that I should get as much free time as he does. You need to start making your own plans so understands you're not always the default parent and he can't do whatever he likes whenever he wants. We are happy in every way is a very odd thing to say given the examples you've given. He sounds completely selfish.

What was the point of him having a family if he continues to lead a single life?

I have this. All the time. OP you have my sympathy. My DP (also great inn every other way and pulls his weight at home) insists on making these plans, acts like he's single as the assumption is always that I am here anyway so it makes no difference. Reality is as f/t carer to a disabled child I am in a permanent state of zombieness, sleep deprived and forever playing catch up around chores, general life stuff. I have tried literally everything, but again tonight he's out due home hours ago and still "watching rugby". Nauseating.

Overall he sounds like a right pain in the arse, and these plans would drive anyone mad.

However, someone saying “let’s see how the calendar fills up” would annoy me - Id want a yes or no. Or accept the first thing that comes along, and decline later invites.

Do you have a joint calendar? Can you block out time to be at home all together?