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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Catering for a vegetarian?!

516 replies

Magenta3 · 14/10/2023 13:01

My brother's gf is a vegetarian. We're having everyone over next weekend for a get together. My family eats a lot of meat and I feel a bit unsure of what to cook her, and if I'm being honest I don't see why we should change our catering for one person.

I asked my brother to bring along some of their own food for her (he eats meat so will be fine, it's literally only for her) and he seemed annoyed at me. He obliged but I could tell he wasn't happy. When we've been to theirs she doesn't cook meat for us so it feels one sided. She jokes she'd probably poison us as she doesn't know how to cook meat but realistically she doesn't want to cook it, so why should we for her?

OP posts:
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HoneycrispApple · 14/10/2023 15:05

Do you literally just eat meat? Lol

Millybob · 14/10/2023 15:09

It wouldn't kill you to cater for the vegetarian - but equally, she should make the effort to cater for you when she's entertaining. It's not the vegetables that annoy, it's the holier than thou attitude. And it's just as feeble to say 'I can't cook meat' as 'I can't cook vegetables.'

Zanatdy · 14/10/2023 15:09

Well you can’t cook meat for her can you, so it’s not the same. You can eat veggie for one meal, won’t kill you, she can’t as it’s against her belief. If inviting a veggie over then you cook something for them. I’d have just asked what she likes to eat as you’re unsure as not a veggie. They might have suggested something which would have been better, or if not might have said we will bring something. Would have been a better response as host

Zanatdy · 14/10/2023 15:10

I make a potato and egg curry. Always goes just as fast as the meat

phoenixrosehere · 14/10/2023 15:10

Warum · 14/10/2023 14:46

I said YANBU, tbh, if you go to someone's house you eat what's offered. If you don't want to eat that you don't go/bring your own.

We don’t know what the gf has asked or said if anything. OP has only said that the gf is vegetarian and that the gf wouldn’t cook a meat dish for them because she wouldn’t want to poison someone which is a legitimate reason but OP has dismissed it while also ignoring the question why her brother who does eat meat can’t cook it instead since she mentioned that they went to theirs.

OP only talked to her brother, telling him to have her bring her own food. He said he would but sounded annoyed at OP. For all we know, gf has no issue with this and is doing so knowing of his families’ so-called meat-heavy diet.

Saying that, I highly doubt that OP has never had one meal that didn’t have meat in it and is choosing to be difficult because she doesn’t like the gf’s diet or something else about the gf. My SIL is vegetarian and the only difference at meals we’ve had at the in-laws for Christmas Lunch is she’ll make a mushroom wellington that is amazing and more flavourful than any meat dish offered and when MIL does her Sunday Roast, the only thing added is a separate pot of vegetarian gravy alongside the meat gravy and SIL eats the sides with gravy.

Purplebunnie · 14/10/2023 15:10

Does she eat fish? I sill eat fish so that is always an option.

On a recent visit to friends they had got a nut roast and everyone had a slice of the nut roast with their chicken

My DD will not eat anything if it has even had an implement that has touched meat then touch her food. I'm not so strict and I would cook a meat meal for other people I just don't want to eat it myself

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 14/10/2023 15:10

I'm allergic to meat! I would not appreciate being lectured on 'ethics' when it's not a flaming choice!!!

Blough · 14/10/2023 15:11

Why do so many people not know what carnivore means?

Witchcraftandhokum · 14/10/2023 15:11

You don't like her very much do you?

SacAMain · 14/10/2023 15:13

We eat A LOT of meat too. I don't put meat in every single dish though, I don't know anyone who does.

I am not sure how difficult to give her the non-meat dish. You don't need to cook any differently do you?

RichardArmitagesWife · 14/10/2023 15:13

@toastofthetown - That's one of my favourite meals, I make it all the time!

fruitbrewhaha · 14/10/2023 15:13

Surely if you are making curry you are not just making one dish? If I’m making curry for a midweek meal I do a few different bits. Just cook a vegetable curry plus a meat one, everyone can eat the veg.

KarmasOnYourScent · 14/10/2023 15:16

Didn't quite get the reaction OP was after. 😅

TheRealLilyMunster · 14/10/2023 15:16

She jokes she'd probably poison us as she doesn't know how to cook meat but realistically she doesn't want to cook it, so why should we for her?

Maybe she jokes because the situation makes her feel really awkward.

Perhaps she is a vegetarian because she thinks killing animals and eating them is wrong? If that is the case, why would you expect that she would want to cook a dead animal for you?

You could make a spag bol and put quorn mince in it, but it might be best if you just cancel the meal because you clearly don't like her.

Blueblell · 14/10/2023 15:17

Just make a vegetarian version of your meat dish ie chilli con carne and veg chilli with all the same side bits or roast with nut roast and all the same veg.

Tinkerbyebye · 14/10/2023 15:18

Wow just wow how nasty are you

it’s not difficult to do vegetarian dishes, expecting someone to bring their own food is just rude

personally if I was your brother I wouldn’t be attending, problem solved for you, but I also wouldn’t be having anything to do with you moving forward either

SawX · 14/10/2023 15:18

Cowlover89 · 14/10/2023 14:57

Nothing wrong with that. I eat meat in every meal plus with veg

Show quote history

Your bowels must be in a right state.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/10/2023 15:19

Warum · 14/10/2023 14:46

I said YANBU, tbh, if you go to someone's house you eat what's offered. If you don't want to eat that you don't go/bring your own.

Not my idea of being a good host.

SoShallINever · 14/10/2023 15:20

Millybob · 14/10/2023 15:09

It wouldn't kill you to cater for the vegetarian - but equally, she should make the effort to cater for you when she's entertaining. It's not the vegetables that annoy, it's the holier than thou attitude. And it's just as feeble to say 'I can't cook meat' as 'I can't cook vegetables.'

It's not the same though is it. If she objects to handling flesh then she shouldn't have to. It's perfectly feasible for the OP to eat a veggie meal from time to time, in fact it's probably better for her, health wise.
My in-laws are veggie, I'm not. I would never expect them to buy, handle or cook meat for me.

Dowtcha · 14/10/2023 15:22

Magenta3 · 14/10/2023 13:26

Ok - I feel attacked but probably deserve it!

I'll portion out some curry before the meat goes in!

Just buy a curry side from m and s, job done. Honest to God, what a storm in a tea cup

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 14/10/2023 15:22

junglejane66 · 14/10/2023 14:14

Could she not have some wafer thin ham?

Is that you, Nana? Grin

CheshireCat1 · 14/10/2023 15:23

Buy a nice vegetarian ready meal and add some nice bits as a side to tart it up a bit. My daughter in law is vegetarian and I love cooking her something different and a bit special, she looks forward to coming to see what I’ve conjured up. It’s good to widen your horizons.

AInightingale · 14/10/2023 15:24

Vegetarians and vegans are not going to buy and cook meat for you, get real. Would you expect bacon in a Jewish or Muslim household? It's a belief, not a casual lifestyle choice. Just buy a bloody vegetarian main even if it's just a supermarket convenience option like a quorn fillet or single serve pie and give it to her! Probably cheaper than providing meat for a guest.

KirstinBlest · 14/10/2023 15:25

@nc10q924870148u12q, lots of food is suitable for vegetarians. When people say 'I like vegetarian food' it sounds like they take particular delight in eating some particular set of dishes (usually mushroom or butternut squash risotto, or goats cheese and caramelised onion tart).

Cereal with milk, beans on toast, and egg, chips and peas are vegetarian, but I doubt that is the food being referred to.

Lilithlogic · 14/10/2023 15:25

I dread to think of the state of your bowels. I'm a carnivore but still eat vegetable meals too

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