How to cope with bossy people when you are the opposite.

[malificent7]

Whilst I'm not a complete pushover, I have never been a bossy type really and certainly don't have the stern, scary persona that some cultivate at work.
Recently at work, I have had a couple of people who are less experienced than me trying to boss me about. I not their senior but I'm not as pushy as them. Wwyd?

I don't really care about where I am in the workplace hierarchy but I prefer to collaborate rather than struggle to be on top.
I did push back but they answered bk and I feel a bit resentful.
Try to be constructive with criticism please.

you just have to stand your ground. If people try and push you around just say no!

Do you work for the NHS? I worked there a few years ago and I could have written this!

Yes I do.....but I love it generally. But the bossing around...wtf?!

Anyone else?

I think calling people out is ok, actually saying “I’ve noticed that you keep trying to tell me what to do, please don’t think that you are in a position to do that. If we need to discuss this with (boss’ name) then I’m happy to do so”.

I’m actually quite a bossy person (I’m not proud of this) and I have to consciously rein it in, even though I’m in a managerial position I don’t think it’s appropriate to boss people around!

Yes this is the answer. Make sure you are assertive when this happens otherwise if they think they've 'won' they'll do it again.

You could be really petty and ask them to repeat themselves until they remember to say please and thank you. Or ask them who put them in charge of you. And say "You're welcome," when they forget to say thank you.

Or just say "No thanks, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to do this. Goodbye, have a good day."

I worked for the NHS and had similar problems. I found it quite stressful and I lost a lot of confidence in myself. I don't work there any more :(

One of my colleagues is really bossy! I had to talk to her privately the other day and tell her to stop shutting down conversations when people are trying to offer ideas and stop being so dominant in group discussions. It is so unhelpful. I was worried how she she would take it, but she said she would take my feedback on board and was fine about it. I wouldn’t call them out in front of others, just talk to them nicely one on one

It wasn't really about please and thank yous, just they would take the lead and the bolder they sounded, the quieter I got. I was confident in the job, but less so with my colleagues. I minded a lot less when they were more experienced than me but it was the new ones that got to me a bit. I prefer collaboration and teamwork like you @malificent7

I spoke to my line manager when this was happening to me and she was good at sorting it out kind of made it clear who's responsibility things were so no one needed to boss anyone else about

I feel like sayong "so you are my self appointed manager then?"

I think what has really got to me is I just got married and had a budget wedding and this younger, just qualified colleague said" no offence yo you but my wedding us going to be big and expensive and im going to have a meringue dress etc . Blah blah blah."
At the time I didn't say anything as she had literally just joined the department but now I feel upset and realise she feels above me ( she still lives at home so is vastly shielded from life's expenses.,) I feel like talking to my line manager about these comments.

Saying*

More fool her @malificent7
Look!

I'm not sure what that conversation would have to do with your manager...

In that kind of situation you just need to learn to ignore.

I would discreetly check what impression she seems to be making among your colleagues. Chances are they aren’t as impressed with her as she clearly is with herself. I wouldn’t be too keen on the wedding comments myself. ‘No offence’…? I’d be smiling seraphically, saying ’No offence taken - I’m planning on spending the money on a sofa/the mortgage/a proper holiday/insert indulgence of choice. But everyone’s different.’

Telling you what to do is not OK and speak to your manager about it (although I'd pull her to one side and ask her if she realises she does this, with specific examples, and tell her as she is not your manager then it's not really her place to give orders, you're happy to take suggestions as long as it works both ways, first)

Telling you that she would have a different style of wedding to you is a bit tactless but I wouldn't mention this to your manager as it isn't related to the actual issue, just points her out as young and naive, and will make you look petty and take away from any real issues you're trying to solve

Brilliant answer. I wish I had said this too.

The wedding things is a bit rude but not a management issue.

You have to separate people who are just not your cup of tea and those who are affecting your work. I have a staff member who is being bossed around by someone on the same level (older, male, thinks he knows best) and we talk about it in her supervision. I give her support and permission to challenge, and I step in when necessary. Her work in many ways is better than his.

But if she came to me with petty outside work gossip type of stuff I wouldn't be managing that.

Thankfully not at work but i unfortunately seem to have a lot of bossy friends! I will just be blunt about when given unsolicited advice. I hate being bossed about.

I guess the wedding thing is petty but i found it so rude and she clearly thinks she's a cut above me.
I'm just rubbish at dealing with these types and always have been.

Is she even engaged?

It's a fairly normal thing in the NHS in my experience and over the years I've learned that it covers up a multitude of insecurities and fear of doing the wrong thing with a patient in the newly qualified.
They are also just out of training and have all those shiny new ideas about how to improve things and don't realise yet that there's no money and it ain't new cos we tried it 5 years ago and it didn't work then.

And ignore the crap,about her wedding. She may have a fancy big one, she may find that the finances don't stack up. Either way, your wedding was what you wanted and congratulations.

I think the wedding thing shows she is not very self aware and tactful. Unfortunately I've found in general people who are like this tend to be most sensitive. So I don't think passive aggressive comments are the way forward.

The suggestion about saying I've notice you keep trying to tell me what to do is good. I also think referencing your process is good. So if somone is getting bossy over a way to do something refer back to your process. Or say actually my line manager allocates me work so speak to tekm etc.

If you speak to your line manager about them being bossy, focus on how it impacts work. I think busy line managers don't want stuff getting in the way of getting the job done. So if you can prove its having an impact they will pay more attention.